Paying for your own meal at a wedding?
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Soldato
I'm getting married in less than 2 weeks and I feel awful that we couldn't afford to put transport on for people to get from the ceremony to the reception (a 10-15 minute drive), the thought of asking people to pay towards the meal to me is just ridiculous.
As others have said, if you can't afford it, either wait and save up or just downsize.
As others have said, if you can't afford it, either wait and save up or just downsize.
It is very normal at weddings, standard even, for the hosts to pay for the catering, in whatever form it takes... have you ever been to one?
Man of Honour
It is very normal at weddings, standard even, for the hosts to pay for the catering, in whatever form it takes... have you ever been to one?
The thing is, I'm not hearing much justification for it other than tradition and "that's what people have always done" which I don't find very convincing.
Isnt that the point though? The whole thing is traditional from the wedding ceremony to the reception.
Just go got married in the registry office is smart clothes (or church if you must) with your nearest family and closest friends and then just arrange to meet people at the pub later or even your house if they would like to come and celebrate your marriage with you.
A few crisps and nuts should suffice.
Therefore if you choose to go the 200 guests, full reception route then tradition is that guests dont pay for their own meals.
If you plan to break from this tradition then inform people on the invite.
Would you have a bbq at home and invite people but then before the night send them a text telling them you want £10 each to cover food and drink?
If you dont think that is expected then a wedding is no different.
I saw one wedding on tv where the couple couldnt afford the reception and pay for all the food so they rented a room and told everybody that it was take away food from a few outlets and got everybody to pick their food and order it.
Choice was urs whether you went or not as all made clear up front.
And where do you draw the line? What would happen if it said £40 each as they wanted money for the venue? How about they are totally skint and need the photographer, wedding dress, cake, cars etc all covered and they ask fro £50 each guest?
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With a wedding invite you are asking people to give up their time to come and watch you get married and if you want them to share the experience with you then should not expect them to have to pay to be fed and watered while they give up that free time to travel to whever you are to join the wedding. And yes, I am taking into account those who genuinely wanting to participate in your special day and would likely attend regardless. But that's not the point.
Also as has been said multiple times in the thread, the point some people seem to be missing is that if you want people to pay for their meal then ok, inform them up-front so that it is transparent... but not saying it until after people accept is indefensible. It's crass and lacking in courtesy and manners, and basically you should not be organising anything of any scale that you and your family cannot comfortably afford. If you want a cheap wedding, then organise a cheap wedding... it should not affect anyone else's pocket for anything other than travel and gift.
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Soldato
If I knew them well and knew that they didn't have much money I do think I would.
Associate
And even more if it's family - we just had to donate £2000 for her eldest nephew's wedding! Good meal though, and far too much alcohol!
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My brother (english) got married in china to his chinese misses in January. Everyone handed him red envelopes full of money, apparently it paid for everything.
For £2000 it better have been a damned good meal! I only gave £50... (am a poor student and he paid for my flights even) but was full of that damned rice wine and some awful awful food (well, all the Chinese people thought it was great.. me, not so much!).
Soldato
I believe the lovely Brightonbelle knows the Chinese traditions without a shadow of a doubt.
Soldato
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The justification is that usually the brides parents invite people to a celebration (a party if you will) of their daughters marriage.
It is much the same as you would invite someone to your camp fire or around for a meal.
Basic hospitality etiquette really.
You don't invite someone to a disco and expect them to provide the DJ do you? You don't invite someone to your house for dinner and expect them to cook it. You don't invite someone to a party and expect them to do the catering and bring the baloons.
Soldato
The way to do it is to book your local social club function room and lay on a huge buffet spread. Get family to rally around making the food for it, everyone knows a granny type who loves baking. Lot cheaper than getting an outside caterer in.
At the end of the day it is just the cost of the room hire and the cost of the food bought to make the buffet. A lot of clubs even let you have the room free as they make the money on the wet sales so even more win win.
At the end of the day it is just the cost of the room hire and the cost of the food bought to make the buffet. A lot of clubs even let you have the room free as they make the money on the wet sales so even more win win.
Soldato
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This way is cheaper but not without issues.
Food hygiene is important, and whilst everyone does know a granny that loves baking or making food - not everyone has the same standard of food hygiene. Giving your guests food poisoning is just not cool.
Also, as my family are currently finding out - the venues themselves may not be overly clean or aired, nor the family helpers too good on their hygiene standards.
We went to a family wedding reception weekend before last in a function room of a purpose built club, and at least 14 people that we currently know of have picked up flu like symptoms, chest infection and sickness/diarrhea bugs, including the bride. All were there and all started getting symptoms at roughly the same time. Some of the people have been really poorly (and still are). OK, you could say it is simply coincidence, but it would be spooky if it was
Soldato
They should have put this in the invite - at least you then knew if you wanted to go youd have to stump up for the food. To ask you to pay after accepting the invite is a bit cheeky
Soldato
This way is cheaper but not without issues.
Food hygiene is important, and whilst everyone does know a granny that loves baking or making food - not everyone has the same standard of food hygiene. Giving your guests food poisoning is just not cool.
Also, as my family are currently finding out - the venues themselves may not be overly clean or aired, nor the family helpers too good on their hygiene standards.
We went to a family wedding reception weekend before last in a function room of a purpose built club, and at least 14 people that we currently know of have picked up flu like symptoms, chest infection and sickness/diarrhea bugs, including the bride. All were there and all started getting symptoms at roughly the same time. Some of the people have been really poorly (and still are). OK, you could say it is simply coincidence, but it would be spooky if it was
That maybe so and I do agree. I've been to plenty of functions with buffets and I've not been ill yet so obviously depends on what you eat and who makes it etc.
Most of the outside caterers in my area that do this sort of stuff have poor FSA hygiene ratings to start with and half are baking out of their back kitchens so not totally fool proof.
Also the key thing is to watch what you eat, I've been to buffets that have had loads of sea food - always avoid the sea food!
I believe the lovely Brightonbelle knows the Chinese traditions without a shadow of a doubt.
The amount gifted in the bags isn't particularly related the meal/venue as I understand. Guests are expected to give a cash present. This is philosophically a lot different than getting guests to pay for their own meal. Especially considering that the gift is for the bride/groom and they don't traditionally pay for the meal...
Great to see my thread still going!
Got a bit derailed in the middle but now back on topic!
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Got a bit derailed in the middle but now back on topic!
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Soldato
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Associate
I don't see a problem with asking - your guests can always refuse.
In Spain, wedding gifts are generally in cash and it's generally accepted that your wedding present to the couple will cover the cost of the wedding meal PLUS whatever you want to give them e.g. For my wife's cousin's wedding we gave 2 x 70Euro to cover the meal, plus a gift on top.
In my view that's FAR more sensible than a couple starting marriage by running up a £20k-£50k debt for a wedding day.
In Spain, wedding gifts are generally in cash and it's generally accepted that your wedding present to the couple will cover the cost of the wedding meal PLUS whatever you want to give them e.g. For my wife's cousin's wedding we gave 2 x 70Euro to cover the meal, plus a gift on top.
In my view that's FAR more sensible than a couple starting marriage by running up a £20k-£50k debt for a wedding day.