The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
- Thread starter mattyprice4004
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I'm the opposite, I'm 33 and I couldn't get a date for love nor money at the moment. Then again, I'm not exactly putting myself out there. Can't be arsed with the whole internet dating thing, find a profile I like, make the first move, etc etc. Just too much aggro.
Soldato
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I'm having to face up the fact that I'm single, 36; have a son who in the coming weeks I will go from seeing everyday to seeing, at best, every other weekend; I'm over weight and have no friends any more and don't have the money to get out and do anything very much.
At present life feels like it's going to be a long drag until the end.
At present life feels like it's going to be a long drag until the end.
Those are the people who don't look after themselves soon as they get into a relationship. Good thing you haven't turned into one of them.
Yep there is always somebody out there who prefer the "wrinkles"
I was shocked a while ago when I was with my 58 year mate in a nightclub and a 20 year student chatted him up and went back to his place.
I honestly though he had blown it when he was telling her about his daughter who was older than she was plus his granddaughter but made no difference.
Not for the first time as at that time he had been doing the 21 year old local bar maid.
Some people look good for their age and can pull anybody of any age.
Both are women I've met in real life as opposed to online. I dress well, I'm witty and I make people laugh (men & women). This gives me an air of confidence that women seem to love & latch on to. The issue I've always had is using this online, I just can't do it. In real life I haven't managed to use it to my advantage much as I have a small circle of friends. I personally think the best relationships are formed out of chance meetings rather than chatting someone up, such as in Costa, mutual friends, out shopping etc.
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I can't disagree there! I met a friend through my step mother who bought her kids to my step-brothers birthday party. We've been hanging out with regularly and she's ace. Not so frequent now as she's been busy with court and dealing with a messy divorce. We've had some laughs, trips out and evenings in - I don't think I'd change it and while she is only 36 (I'm 29) we're just enjoying each others company. Admitted I like her a little more than I'd care to admit, but not wanting to screw anything up (even if there is a chance) I'm trying to be patient.
Damn hard though considering she only lives down the road.
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You can change all of that, or at least turn it into positives:
- Enjoy the time you spend with your son as much as you can.
- Lose weight. I'm massively over-weight, but battling it with portion control and lots of exercise.
- Find new friends. I've made lots recently, by meeting people in pubs etc
- Change job or work on a promotion, or simply cut costs where you can.
Life is what you make it. I'm now 26 and single - and face similar challenges. You can do it.
I can't chat to random people without knowing them a bit first.
My mind always assumes they aren't going to be interested in me. And I'm just intruding.
Thus I come across extremely shy and boring.
On pof I know what interests they have, so know that what I say they will be interested in.
I have never pulled a random girl in real life.
it's all in your head and until you sort that your perception of yourself will never change.
I used to think like that until I realised if someone finds me boring and uninteresting it's their issue not mine.
if I say something stupid or make a fool of my self after about 10 seconds no one cares.
everyone else is equally as boring as you are.
my step son is stupidly popular and he has basically the same boring lack of interests as me, he just doesn't care what other people think.
he's always teasing women and making fun of them, they seem to like him for it.
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I urge you to watch this video about not worrying what other people think. It is quite long so skip to 17 mins 30 secs for a very key point... don't let the figment of the imagination of someone you don't know control your life. But if you can I suggest watching the whole thing.
Actively seeking out self improvement has made a big difference in my life recently, including being able to talk to random strangers without concern.
Sorry about the YouTube finger caption. The video really isn't rude.
Yeah I
I will watch it later after my gym class
It's a very annoying issue all way since I can remember.
It's a problem that impacts me more than just socially, ie I find networking really difficult for the exact same reason
Even when I don't care about anything. This problem illogically still is itpresent! The illogicalness of it annoys me.
I know it's in my head, I know it doesn't make sense, but still, it controls me.
The date I have this weekend I won't be anxious for, as I pre know the person to some extent. It's the initiation that I find hard, not the flow
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Soldato
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I know you're right but at the moment I just can't get myself feeling positive about things when I know that in the near future my little boy will be living 100 miles away.
Once it's actually happened I think I'll be more likely to be able to get on with my life again and get into a routine and be more positive but at the moment it's hard.
Sign up to a gym and go. It's relatively cheap, you'll start exercising which will lift your spirits i promise and you'll start getting to know people there and before you know it you've got a workout buddy, you're looking and feeling better and the rest will come naturally.
Seriously, my advice to everyone who gets dumped from now on will be join a gym. It helped me loads!
I was posting in here only 2 months ago about how terrible everything was for me and how bad i felt and how i'd turned into this shell of a person that i used to be. The guys in here gave solid advice and i tried to have a bit of fun, to quote alfred "Drive sports cars, date movie stars, buy things that are not for sale... who knows, Master Wayne? You start pretending to have fun, you might even have a little by accident. ". It worked, i just lumped it and said yes to everyone that asked me to do something even if i didn't think i'd like it. My plan was saying yes would keep me busy and take my mind off my problems. Turns out i enjoyed practically all of it and i've made several good friends now through it. For now, spend as much (good and happy) time with your little boy as you can, then as soon as he's gone get down the gym and get yourself out to as much stuff as you can.
Well the girl I went on a date with on Thursday is someone I'd been out with before, through friends. Thursday was the first 'official' date and we ended up drinking till 2am. Whoops. And zero awkward silences. I'm taking her to the Foo Fighters today with some friends, lucky girl. 
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Well i finally went on a date with the girl i've been texting for the past 4 weeks. Simple bike ride round the park turned into a 4-5 hour biking, hiking, rock climbing, acorn battling laughter-fest.
She's fun, 5'11 and really stunning. Near the end of the date she said she didnt want to go home to her other plans and within 15 minutes of dropping her off she was texting me to tell me what a great time she had. She also texted me a bunch of times last night and this morning. I think she likes me
She's fun, 5'11 and really stunning. Near the end of the date she said she didnt want to go home to her other plans and within 15 minutes of dropping her off she was texting me to tell me what a great time she had. She also texted me a bunch of times last night and this morning. I think she likes me
Well i finally went on a date with the girl i've been texting for the past 4 weeks. Simple bike ride round the park turned into a 4-5 hour biking, hiking, rock climbing, acorn battling laughter-fest.
She's fun, 5'11 and really stunning. Near the end of the date she said she didnt want to go home to her other plans and within 15 minutes of dropping her off she was texting me to tell me what a great time she had. She also texted me a bunch of times last night and this morning. I think she likes me
That's great
Just be careful as in my experience women like this can go off the boil very quickly and leave you hanging. Play your cards right and you may have a keeper