What difference will it make on your life if i have a low post count or say maybe this should be closed, The guy ask for little help with his personal life, and its all ready been brought up baby killing and what not, Just feel like its a little off subject that is all.
Abortion/termination - anyone ever had one?
- Thread starter Spuddy
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What difference will it make on your life if i have a low post count or say maybe this should be closed, The guy ask for little help with his personal life, and its all ready been brought up baby killing and what not, Just feel like its a little off subject that is all.
Man of Honour
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I'll warn you now: stop the trolling or your account will be short lived.
The OP want's genuine experiences on either side of the fence, not people preaching at him. You need to respect that.
Because it's incredible to me that people would join a computer forum and then never ****ing post, except when they're trying to spread ******** pro-life posts, or talking about Muslims.
Where are they the rest of the time in the forums? Why are they not more active talking about computer stuff and tech stuff?
Nope. The only time they turn up is to talk about dirty immigrants, or pro life ****.
They should have probably joined a different forum.
Surly you must understand not everyone will join a forum and spend all day on it posting???
I think you've missed the point on what Ohesecks was saying.
Anyway back to the subject, OP I feel for ya man, I've not read all the comments in here but it might be worth discussing with any family you're close with to see if they can offer any type of support for whatever you decide to do.
This is my biggest fear, the longer its left the worse its going to be too.
At the moment its nothing but a group of cells but once it develops features; a heartbeat and limbs it makes it all the more harder for me to stomach.
Yes we both didn't want a child right now, she has changed her mind however. But I feel for her I really do, it can't be easy being in her position.
We've already had the conversation, but still not come to any real decision. One minute "I'm basically giving her no choice and she'll have to get an abortion" and the next minute she's "so we are keeping the baby then!?" ... it did turn ugly unfortunately.
Of course I would like to be with the mother of my children for the rest of my life BUT Im not sure if thats the case, I still feel its too early to say. I came from a broken home myself and wouldn't wish it on my child.
I get the impression she is in this for the long haul, and this is a forever thing for her. But I don't think Im at that same point as her yet to say it either is or isn't. I think you could be right on the trap part as she's been asking me to commit and move in for a while but told her I wasn't ready and didn't think 'we' were ready. Then the other day mentioned that if she terminated, I could just go out and leave her... But I didn't read too much into that as she was upset and running on low sleep and could say anything..
Sorry to hear that about you and your ex, can't of been a pleasant experience. I hope your situation improves.
I feel for you OP. Very tough decision. All I can say is that if you commit to your GF and new baby you will find a way to make it work. When we decided to have our second child the timing was awkward; I was a (very) mature student and the baby was due right on finals, and obviously I didn't have a "proper" job either. Baby was slightly premature, got through finals (excellent grades), straight into a new job, all with hardly any sleepIt was awesome though, to be honest. We were both 100% committed to making it work, and it was a amazing motivation for me as well. Looking back I can't believe we made it through, but it's something I'm proud of beyond words.
Obviously your situation is very different, but the point is that IF you can make this all work, it will be something immensely life-defining. You will come out of it a much stronger and wiser person, and I can pretty much guarantee you will love the little guy/girl unconditionally. Of course there are no guarantees with your relationship, but hey, there are no guarantees for anything.
Good luck with whatever you decide. I certainly wouldn't judge you if you felt this wasn't the right time.
Thanks for your input, I would love the little one unconditionally you're right, even if this is the 'wrong time' nothing would change about how much I love them.
I think me and the GF need to have another serious conversation again, soon. Because it seems we are no further on in a decision. I really don't feel I can move in with her, not yet anyways... there were 'conditions' to me moving in when baby was born. Basically all her rules and no consideration for me, maybe small trivial things to some but feel like she's got me by the balls. To move in, Im not allowed a simple thing such as a desk to do work at... I have to make do with the kitchen table to study, how can you do this in a busy family home with kids and a baby? Im also not allowed to bring my animals because she "doesn't want any in HER house" and basically can only bring the clothes on my back. Even though I would be paying half the bills and half the mortgage... Feel like she's trying to put me under the thumb.
Associate
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Basically, what you're saying is that while you will stand by your GF in her choice, you want the termination.
And if that's what you want then you need to make that clear to her.
The only problem you've got is that if she's dead set on having it then you're stuck; even if you end up splitting up with her; you'll still need to pay child support if you're listed as the father of the child.
And if that's what you want then you need to make that clear to her.
The only problem you've got is that if she's dead set on having it then you're stuck; even if you end up splitting up with her; you'll still need to pay child support if you're listed as the father of the child.
Hmmm, I don't like this one bit. Now maybe you've already made up your mind and your concentrating on (and maybe exaggerating) some things to justify your feelings. But if that's really how she is.......I would tread very carefully.
She now wants me to graduate and get a job, now what I want to do and she knows this. For as long as we've been together the plan has always been that I was going to do postgrad.
She also wants to take a year off work on maternity so that includes a reduced pay, this is why I just don't see how it can work. She expects me to pickup extra shifts during the week when Im on summer break from uni. But what happens next September when Im back at uni during the week and she's still off work on maternity on a reduced pay, my wage cannot afford to pay the mortgage and run my car, pay bills etc.
Basically yes, even though Im not making this decision lightly. Its still tearing me apart inside.
I don't mind paying child support if thats what it comes to as I want to be there for my child if she goes through with the pregnancy. Although I think if we were to split she would have a termination and not want to raise another child by herself.
Those were her exact words to me on monday night. When I asked why I had to sacrifice everything and she got her own way she then flew off the handle.
Massive decision but you have to think of the mum as she is the one that has to carry the child and give birth. Obviously you are thinking of your future but having a child ought not to rock the boat that much as you are probably young enough to go through all of this successfully.
She wants the baby. Ok, you have voiced your view. Now, move on and accept the new 'life' in your life. This is 'Your' little future, your child! You cannot get anything better than that in life, nothing!
Ok, it wont be easy but it will also be amazing too! Imagine being called Dad! Awesome feeling. Don't think about killing a little life because it will upset yours. I have had these thoughts myself in the past too. Even now i cannot believe i had those thoughts. Matters were taken out of our hands though as we had a miscarriage!
She wants the baby. Ok, you have voiced your view. Now, move on and accept the new 'life' in your life. This is 'Your' little future, your child! You cannot get anything better than that in life, nothing!
Ok, it wont be easy but it will also be amazing too! Imagine being called Dad! Awesome feeling. Don't think about killing a little life because it will upset yours. I have had these thoughts myself in the past too. Even now i cannot believe i had those thoughts. Matters were taken out of our hands though as we had a miscarriage!
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And here we have it, yet more sexism directed towards males!
I know. I found it quite upsetting. I mean, it's not my fault I don't have an embryo!
I imagine it will be awesome to be a dad, the bond with them will be like something I've never experienced before. However theres more to it than that IMO, the bigger picture. Its the commitment to mum aswell, Im not sure if I want/we are going to be together forever. Too soon to say, I think.
Soldato
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There's never a right time, as already been said but here is what I got to say on the matter.
Regardless of what other people without children might say, I actually think it will HELP you to get your degree and get a true focus on your career.
I cannot think of a better motivator than bringing a kid into the world to do well. My son is awesome, we are buddies before anything else. Get on great.
My upturn in fortune and career prospects coincided with the birth of my first kiddo, I was 30 at the time.
I sort of flittered through life, bouncing round jobs as I saw fit just because I wanted to do something different. I'm now very settled and we've just had our second, a lovely daughter.
The right stance to take would be to support her in any decision she makes, and that would be to your benefit too.
Because she already has one kid, she won't be as stressed this time around so there will be less pressure on your relationship. Having the first kid always puts a huge pressure on relationships because it's untested waters.
You have nothing to fear solely on the grounds your other half is already a responsible mother. (I assume)
Good luck in whatever you decide, but I honestly think it's something everyone should.... suffer (lol) , enjoy, appreciate and embrace the new perspective on life.
Regardless of what other people without children might say, I actually think it will HELP you to get your degree and get a true focus on your career.
I cannot think of a better motivator than bringing a kid into the world to do well. My son is awesome, we are buddies before anything else. Get on great.
My upturn in fortune and career prospects coincided with the birth of my first kiddo, I was 30 at the time.
I sort of flittered through life, bouncing round jobs as I saw fit just because I wanted to do something different. I'm now very settled and we've just had our second, a lovely daughter.
The right stance to take would be to support her in any decision she makes, and that would be to your benefit too.
Because she already has one kid, she won't be as stressed this time around so there will be less pressure on your relationship. Having the first kid always puts a huge pressure on relationships because it's untested waters.
You have nothing to fear solely on the grounds your other half is already a responsible mother. (I assume)
Good luck in whatever you decide, but I honestly think it's something everyone should.... suffer (lol) , enjoy, appreciate and embrace the new perspective on life.
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Fair enough. From what you have said i dont think she will go through with a termination. You have to decide if you really want the relationship or not. Obviously doesn't stop you being a parent.
Even taking into account the fact her head is probably spinning right now, that's beyond unreasonable. I don't know why you would even consider a future with somebody like that. However, give her the benefit of the doubt and have a lengthy talk about it. Maybe she's just losing her mind a little with the mavity of the situation.
I personally wouldn't out of choice. It's partly a religious thing - a sense that human life is espacially sacred and precious. Aside from that it's kind of difficult to objectively pinpoint the time at which a human life begins and I'd rather err a long way on the side of caution.
But that's out of choice. As I said in the other thread that's been mentioned I found myself in the unfortunate position of dealing with the missus' ectopic pregnancy. This was probably around 7 weeks I think. Thankfully after a bit of google-fu I conviinced her that the symptoms she was getting (shoulder pain) might be an ectopic pregnancy. She went to the internet and agreed it was worth checking out. We went to hospital as a precaution, she was taken in overnight for observation and I took our 2yo home for the night. The next morning it got serious. Fallopain tube ruptured. According to the surgeon she lost about 2 litres of blood but thankfully she was in hospital and they operated and gave her a blood transfusion immediately. We didn't even really understand what was happening until the surgeon was telling us afterwards.
So we didn't have much of a choice. Do I regret it? Of course not. Thanks to the swift actions of the hospital staff my missus survived and the alternative was losing both her and the baby. I do wonder what that little person might have been like, had they had the chance but overall I'm glad at the outcome. I don't find myself mourning for them or anything. Would I ever consider an abortion out of choice? No - my own previous convictions have been utterly reinforced by having my own two kids - and seeing them via scans relatively early into the pregnancies.
We saw our youngest son at 7 weeks via an early scan because of the earlier ectopic pregnancy. My gut feeling at the time was I was looking a who, rather than an it - not a fully formed person by any means but neither is a newborn baby. I'm glad to have got to know him. He's about to turn 3 soon. If I could talk to myself before I became a dad, I don't think I could adequately describe the way I love either of my kids to my former self. Prior to my first son being born I wasn't sure that I was ready to be a dad but when he was born I was certainly very happy to have him.
But I don't think the talk of murder or child-killing helps anyone. This is a serious business and mud slinging isn't going to convince anyone either way. My gut feeling is that if the OP's GF wants to keep it, he can express his preference but he doesn't get the final say (same the other way round). If she keeps it, he'll hopefully get to chose how much involvement he's going to have in the kid's life.
I don't fall neatly into pro-life or pro-choice. I think abortion is always a tradjedy. Sometimes it can be a tragic necessity and explaining why is often complex.
But that's out of choice. As I said in the other thread that's been mentioned I found myself in the unfortunate position of dealing with the missus' ectopic pregnancy. This was probably around 7 weeks I think. Thankfully after a bit of google-fu I conviinced her that the symptoms she was getting (shoulder pain) might be an ectopic pregnancy. She went to the internet and agreed it was worth checking out. We went to hospital as a precaution, she was taken in overnight for observation and I took our 2yo home for the night. The next morning it got serious. Fallopain tube ruptured. According to the surgeon she lost about 2 litres of blood but thankfully she was in hospital and they operated and gave her a blood transfusion immediately. We didn't even really understand what was happening until the surgeon was telling us afterwards.
So we didn't have much of a choice. Do I regret it? Of course not. Thanks to the swift actions of the hospital staff my missus survived and the alternative was losing both her and the baby. I do wonder what that little person might have been like, had they had the chance but overall I'm glad at the outcome. I don't find myself mourning for them or anything. Would I ever consider an abortion out of choice? No - my own previous convictions have been utterly reinforced by having my own two kids - and seeing them via scans relatively early into the pregnancies.
We saw our youngest son at 7 weeks via an early scan because of the earlier ectopic pregnancy. My gut feeling at the time was I was looking a who, rather than an it - not a fully formed person by any means but neither is a newborn baby. I'm glad to have got to know him. He's about to turn 3 soon. If I could talk to myself before I became a dad, I don't think I could adequately describe the way I love either of my kids to my former self. Prior to my first son being born I wasn't sure that I was ready to be a dad but when he was born I was certainly very happy to have him.
But I don't think the talk of murder or child-killing helps anyone. This is a serious business and mud slinging isn't going to convince anyone either way. My gut feeling is that if the OP's GF wants to keep it, he can express his preference but he doesn't get the final say (same the other way round). If she keeps it, he'll hopefully get to chose how much involvement he's going to have in the kid's life.
I don't fall neatly into pro-life or pro-choice. I think abortion is always a tradjedy. Sometimes it can be a tragic necessity and explaining why is often complex.
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She might be a little defensive if she's been burned in the past (i.e. by her 4yo's father) hence why she wants things on her terms. But you need to help her understand that it's supposed to be a partnership and both of you need to be happy or it won't work.
The most important decision should be based upon the relationship, not necessarily the financial implications. You'll both have to make some sacrifices and compromises - if she won't budge then it doesn't bode well for the future but it's better to know that now rather than suffer an unhappy relationship for the sake of the kid(s).