Poll: As a third party, is it okay to cheat?

[cheesyboy]

This is a rather different question, but yes, I think that's morally questionable.

Yes you guys are. If you aren't capable of informing a " friend " that his missus has been sneaking around behind his back then what sort of friend are you to have? Clearly your "friends" missus doesn't give a flying **** about your "friend"

It would seem that way, wouldn't it.

Our mate cheated on her a lot prior to this. Once, even, when she was laid up in hospital for the night after going overboard on the booze. That seemed to be how they rolled (even if neither actually knew exactly what was going on).

Leave it up to the people in the relationship, is my opinion. They're the best judges.

 

[Nix]

The fact that the relationship exists means that I wouldn't get involved. If it really is that dead, person A can end it and then it's fair game.

Exactly. I still feel for person B of course, but in terms of the objective facts, the relationship would then be over and it isn't cheating.

 

[Cyanide]

5 pages and not a single mention of a 3way? Very disappointed in you GD

 

[FloppyPoppy]

It would seem that way, wouldn't it.

Our mate cheated on her a lot prior to this. Once, even, when she was laid up in hospital for the night after going overboard on the booze. That seemed to be how they rolled (even if neither actually knew exactly what was going on).

Leave it up to the people in the relationship, is my opinion. They're the best judges.

Truthfully now. As i am unaware of your relationship status i will ask anyway

If you are in a relationship and your partner was cheating on you. How would you feel about it if you found out your friends all knew about it and hadn't told you.

If that happend to me i would not want to know them anymore personally. Where a friend who told me on the other hand i would cherish more for there honesty.

 

[cheesyboy]

Exactly. I still feel for person B of course, but in terms of the objective facts, the relationship would then be over and it isn't cheating.

Surely morals can't be quite so easily split over technicalities. Seems rather an arbitrary measure, frankly.

 

[cheesyboy]

Truthfully now. As i am unaware of your relationship status i will ask anyway

If you were in a relationship and your partner was cheating on you. How would you feel about it if you found out your friends all knew about it and hadn't told you.

If that happend to me i would not want to know them anymore personally. Where a friend who told me on the other hand i would cherish more for there honesty.

I'm married, and have been with Mrs Cheesyboy for almost 15 years, since I was about 19.

If she cheated, my first choice would be to never find out.
Second choice would be to find out from her, regardless of who knew.

Frankly, the details of who knew what was going on would be a distant concern compared with the problem raised by what actually went on and why it happened

 

[Nix]

Surely morals can't be quite so easily split over technicalities. Seems rather an arbitrary measure, frankly.

It's pretty black and white. If A and B are in a relationship, regardless of the state of that relationship (domestic abuse aside), C has no right to interfere.

If C acts knowing that the consequence of their actions is that B is ultimately hurt, then C is a ****. Just because C doesn't know B does not make it any less of a reprehensible thing to do to someone.

 

[Snookums]

The only slight expectation to cheating is if C is unaware A is in a relationship it's not his fault so he can't be put in the wrong, but that still leaves A in the wrong. But anyone that sleeps with someone knowing they have a partner is the worst kind of human IMHO. Cheating really does disgust me

 

[Thekwango]

Because it's called being a decent human being?

how does it make C any less of a decent human being? they haven't committed a crime, they haven't set out to rob B of his partner. they have simply acted upon an opportunity to bring a degree of happiness into their own lives. yes that may be at the expense of B, but they didn't set out to do this. if I was, lets say D and looking at this unfolding I personally wouldn't think any less of C in this situation. and certainly wouldn't think they weren't a decent human being. undoubtedly I'd be thinking A was a tramp, because it is they alone that brought any pain and hurt that comes B's way

This seems like a common view. My perspective is that you don't need to have a personal relationship with someone to be concerned about how your actions may affect them. This, I would hope, is common decency.

if I was B I'd grateful to C, if A cannot remain faithful to me then truth be told I am better off without A in my life. so you spin it this way C is the good guy! C is now going to bring the parcel of dung that is A into their lives and allow B to get on with their life and hopefully find a letter who wont wander off with some random

 

[Sliver]

There are 26 letters in the alphabet and if this is how much trouble A,B and C are causing, I fear for what lies with D and beyond.

Cheating isn't clever. It just hurts people. Lets be nice all.

 

[FloppyPoppy]

I'm married, and have been with Mrs Cheesyboy for almost 15 years, since I was about 19.

If she cheated, my first choice would be to never find out.
Second choice would be to find out from her, regardless of who knew.

Frankly, the details of who knew what was going on would be a distant concern compared with the problem raised by what actually went on and why it happened

Whilst i can't argue with that at all our opinions definitely differ. I would certainly be very agitated by the people who knew. Would definitely exacerbate things in the large picture for me.

Though i do agree with the idea of it being a distant concern i feel that would only be for the initial stages of the unraveling.

 

[Nix]

how does it make C any less of a decent human being? they haven't committed a crime, they haven't set out to rob B of his partner. they have simply acted upon an opportunity to bring a degree of happiness into their own lives. yes that may be at the expense of B, but they didn't set out to do this. if I was, lets say D and looking at this unfolding I personally wouldn't think any less of C in this situation. and certainly wouldn't think they weren't a decent human being. undoubtedly I'd be thinking A was a tramp, because it is they alone that brought any pain and hurt that comes B's way

Because they are willingly engaging in an action for selfish purposes that will be to the trauma and detriment of another. How is that hard to grasp?

 

[Burnsy2023]

Leave it up to the people in the relationship, is my opinion. They're the best judges.

Lets be fair here, they're not the best judges, in fact, due to the relationship, they're probably the worst at having an objective view. I know my friends would help guide me to making better decisions.

 

[Thekwango]

It's pretty black and white. If A and B are in a relationship, regardless of the state of that relationship (domestic abuse aside), C has no right to interfere.

If C acts knowing that the consequence of their actions is that B is ultimately hurt, then C is a ****. Just because C doesn't know B does not make it any less of a reprehensible thing to do to someone.

how in gods name is C interfering. A set out to find someone else, they found C. C would only be interfering if C had actively set out to get A.

C is a **** because their actions may cause B upset? behave yourself. C is a stupid **** if they don't take a risk that may bring them some pleasure in life.

B is certainly the victim here but the only guilty party is A

I'm guessing you have been B on at least 1 occasion?

 

[Thekwango]

Because they are willingly engaging in an action for selfish purposes that will be to the trauma and detriment of another. How is that hard to grasp?

C is willingly engaging in an act that may bring him joy - he has no emotional or moral connection to B. How hard is that to grasp?

edit: actually the first bit is irrelevant. the important aspect is that C has no moral or emotional obligation to B. C could in fact be seen to be doing B a favour

 

[FloppyPoppy]

Lets be fair here, they're not the best judges, in fact, due to the relationship, they're probably the worst at having an objective view. I know my friends would help guide me to making better decisions.

And just out of personal curiosity on the subject matter how would you feel about those same friends if they in fact did not send you on the better path, concealed information and let you stay on a bad path.

 

[Burnsy2023]

C is willingly engaging in an act that may bring him joy - he has no emotional or moral connection to B. How hard is that to grasp?

So this basically boils down to: do you care about people you don't know. I would say that someone of sound moral character would care about people they don't know, but that's based on my morals and ethics.

 

[Lifelong]

Whilst I can understand the argument of C not being at fault, I can't say it holds up to scrutiny. Your actions always have consequences, not just on the cheated party, but indeed sometimes on the cheater themselves.

There was a girl I knew at University who cheated fairly early on, got found out, lost (at the risk of sounding odd) a lovely boyfriend, and went on to have a string of flings.

When she did get into a relationship, she was extremely suspicious and it ended abruptly, her actions had opened up a world of what people are capable off.

Anecdotal I know, but I feel comfortable just saying if you want to sleep with someone, don't do it in a relationship. Get out of the relationship and do what you want...

 

[Burnsy2023]

And just out of personal curiosity on the subject matter how would you feel about those same friends if they in fact did not send you on the better path, concealed information and let you stay on a bad path.

I would feel let down. I expect more from my friends. I expect them to tell me I'm a *** when I'm being an *** (that does happen occasionally) because I can't be a better person without that help.

 

[Thekwango]

So this basically boils down to: do you care about people you don't know. I would say that someone of sound moral character would care about people they don't know, but that's based on my morals and ethics.

I do care about people I don't know - to a certain extent. am I going to sacrifice potential life happiness for someone I don't know. not likely.

good on you if you are prepared to risk your own happiness for the sake of someone you don't know.