The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

It's really tricky and I've never had to think about it before.
It really isn't about the amount, and as I earn more i(I'm sure I do) I expect to pay over half.
(I'd expect same if she did)
But how it is now isn't good long term

I guess if she has a problem with it then it's not right relationship
But u don't want to make it a problem either of it is just a simple absent minded thing

I really think it won't be as I did know her as a friend before this for a few months

I'm as you were with my ex Nix

We'd generally pay one for one, but dream of getting the calculator out for example.
It was just never an issue
 
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413x said:
We'd generally pay one for one, but dream of getting the calculator out for example.
It was just never an issue
Click to expand...

Here's my take on it. Instead of splitting bills, you wanting to contribute more because you make more, etc, what you can do is alternate dates and paying. So you took here somewhere nice for Valentine's Day and spent a bit more money to pay for it. Now you can point that out say to her "you're organising the next date, and you're paying for it too!" That way she gets involved, and can decide how expensive or cheap to make it. Even if that's only what you do every one out of three dates because "it's your turn to wine, dine, entertain and amuse me". Tell her it's not just women who like a night out organised by their other half.

If she doesn't take it as humorous or as a challenge, then you have to explain how you feel you want her to contribute to your time together, not just partially paying for things, but on a time and effort basis too.

If that doesn't go well, than you have to tell her that you're unhappy because she seems to think you're there to pay for her social life.
 
Steampunk said:
Here's my take on it. Instead of splitting bills, you wanting to contribute more because you make more, etc, what you can do is alternate dates and paying. So you took here somewhere nice for Valentine's Day and spent a bit more money to pay for it. Now you can point that out say to her "you're organising the next date, and you're paying for it too!" That way she gets involved, and can decide how expensive or cheap to make it. Even if that's only what you do every one out of three dates because "it's your turn to wine, dine, entertain and amuse me". Tell her it's not just women who like a night out organised by their other half.

If she doesn't take it as humorous or as a challenge, then you have to explain how you feel you want her to contribute to your time together, not just partially paying for things, but on a time and effort basis too.

If that doesn't go well, than you have to tell her that you're unhappy because she seems to think you're there to pay for her social life.
Click to expand...

This is what I have suggested for midweek (ie doesn't have to be expensive)
I've left the choice up to her.
 
413x said:
It's really tricky and I've never had to think about it before.
It really isn't about the amount, and as I earn more i(I'm sure I do) I expect to pay over half.
(I'd expect same if she did)
But how it is now isn't good long term

I guess if she has a problem with it then it's not right relationship
But u don't want to make it a problem either of it is just a simple absent minded thing

I really think it won't be as I did know her as a friend before this for a few months

I'm as you were with my ex Nix

We'd generally pay one for one, but dream of getting the calculator out for example.
It was just never an issue
Click to expand...

Look, I know you have anxiety and assertiveness issues, but you have to set your boundaries within the relationship otherwise you will turn into a doormat and the relationship can become something very toxic. This doesn't mean going in all guns blazing, do what Steampunk has suggested and use an element of humour.

Perhaps when you're organising your next date jokingly say to her that it's her turn to organise/pay. If it's a problem for her, you've saved yourself a huge headache and can walk away knowing that you didn't compromise on your boundaries.
 
I know, you're obviously right.
Being a push over is never a good thing.

I will deal with it.
It's one of those kids/money/aspiration type of deal breaker topics after all
 
Well after seeing someone, getting that feeling that things were going somewhere, only to get ignored for a week, It's back to Online dating for me :o

I'd not felt this way about someone in years, only for it to go up in the air.

Needed to say something somewhere or I'll blow :eek:

My problem is, my type and what is out there are 2 completely different things.

All these duck fanta faced bimbo's on Dating sites really makes me cringe :eek:
 
Sinny said:
Well after seeing someone, getting that feeling that things were going somewhere, only to get ignored for a week, It's back to Online dating for me :o

I'd not felt this way about someone in years, only for it to go up in the air.

Needed to say something somewhere or I'll blow :eek:

My problem is, my type and what is out there are 2 completely different things.

All these duck fanta faced bimbo's on Dating sites really makes me cringe :eek:
Click to expand...

Maybe try not rushing to fast into the next thing that happens?

Also try not to generalise about the majority of the population, it'll help you in the long run if you're more optimistic.

Sorry to hear the last girl didn't work out for you.
 
Spending another bloody Sunday at my missus family, I haven't had one weekend to do my own stuff this year.
I wouldn't matter but I haven't seen my mum since December 2014 because it apparently costs too much and she doesn't want to use up her holidays.

I wouldn't mind if I didn't come home from work to find the whole lot of them on my sofa on Thursday.

So I have 6 hours to sit on a sofa being ignored..
 
Well who's fault is that Abraxaz?

"Are you going to your mums this weekend because if you are I'm going rockclimbing / absailing/ boating/ for a walk/ to the lake / to my parents etc etc"

Surely it's not hard to say that?
 
Sinny said:
Well after seeing someone, getting that feeling that things were going somewhere, only to get ignored for a week, It's back to Online dating for me :o

I'd not felt this way about someone in years, only for it to go up in the air.

Needed to say something somewhere or I'll blow :eek:

My problem is, my type and what is out there are 2 completely different things.

All these duck fanta faced bimbo's on Dating sites really makes me cringe :eek:
Click to expand...

Been there.
What's worse is that never get any hints something is wrong
I assumed that they either moved on, were after fun or. Seriously.. After 6 dates you could just tell me. just crazy
The one that killed it for me was after date 6,ignored

I gave up on Internet dating after one specific incident.
Never tried the paid sites they would probably weed out 95pc of weirdos

The optimistic complement is right, but it started making me cynical.
I think you just have to either give up on it, or just keep at it and build up resilience.
Personally I found it was getting artificial/production liney

Have had much better luck joining clubs and doing things
 
Fuzz said:
Well who's fault is that Abraxaz?

"Are you going to your mums this weekend because if you are I'm going rockclimbing / absailing/ boating/ for a walk/ to the lake / to my parents etc etc"

Surely it's not hard to say that?
Click to expand...

I come home on Thursday and they have already organised it. If I say no I seem like a dick in front of her entire family and get her having a go
 
Abraxaz1 said:
I come home on Thursday and they have already organised it. If I say no I seem like a dick in front of her entire family and get her having a go
Click to expand...

You have to sort it. It's not good in any way. You can see youre resentful. That is very very unhealthy.
If you literally have been bent over a barrel every weekend say that next weekend you have X planned.
If you get grief.. **** needs sorting
 
Abraxaz1 said:
I come home on Thursday and they have already organised it. If I say no I seem like a dick in front of her entire family and get her having a go
Click to expand...

Oh I was going to go to my mums this weekend, OK, I'll go to my mums next weekend... Then go.

??
 
As above. If she can't come then go by yourself. You don't need to spend every waking moment together. Some time apart can be good sometimes. Space to breathe.
 
413x said:
Been there.
What's worse is that never get any hints something is wrong
I assumed that they either moved on, were after fun or. Seriously.. After 6 dates you could just tell me. just crazy
The one that killed it for me was after date 6,ignored

I gave up on Internet dating after one specific incident.
Never tried the paid sites they would probably weed out 95pc of weirdos

The optimistic complement is right, but it started making me cynical.
I think you just have to either give up on it, or just keep at it and build up resilience.
Personally I found it was getting artificial/production liney

Have had much better luck joining clubs and doing things
Click to expand...

My problem is I have Anxiety problems because I work away, I had a Panic attack a week ago and as she was the only one I was talking too. I told her and asked if she would talk to me to occupy my mind (which she didn't sort of do).

We'd been going out for a few months, So I thought I could tell her but it must have been too much.

Just have to get back out there :D
 
Sinny said:
My problem is I have Anxiety problems because I work away, I had a Panic attack a week ago and as she was the only one I was talking too. I told her and asked if she would talk to me to occupy my mind (which she didn't sort of do).

We'd been going out for a few months, So I thought I could tell her but it must have been too much.

Just have to get back out there :D
Click to expand...

Id have thought a few months would be safe myself.
Ah I understand anxiety all too well
 
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