Worst date ever - the thread you really wanted

izzop said:
LOL

Rather, although it reminded me of the last words from a girl just before I got out of her car as she dropped me off after a night together.

"Have a nice life" :D
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On a club 18-30 holiday (showing my age) after giving a girl all my best lines and patter I got told "Honestly? You couldn't pull a sledge on snow."
 
shifty_uk said:
On a second date with a girl in Glasgow, out for a few drinks, ended up in some 80's club, she started being all bunny out of the blue asking why I wasn't replying to her texts fast enough day to day etc...even though every time I went to the bar she started flirting with other guys...

Anyway, got a taxi back to 'her flat' only for her to open the front door and say "****, my Dad must be staying here, my parents must've had an argument"... To this day I do not know why but after some very minor convincing, I followed her into the bedroom despite thinking 'this doesn't look like a 20-something year old uni students flat. We were both too hammered for anything of any substance to happen so no high fives there...

Morning arrives and we're woken by the sound of a hoover and her parents talking in the hallway... Before her mum proceeded to walk into the room to pick up her dirty laundry... My head was swiftly under the covers, still as a rock, hoping it was a dream... Her mum leaves the room without a word.

Start chatting and I'm like "how the **** am I going to get out of here alive?"... I was told not to worry, they normally go out on a Sunday... It was nearly 2pm before they went out... Pretty sure I set new records for amount of alcohol in my bladder for that length of time, the pain was unreal.

They went out, I emptied my bladder, spewed in her bathroom and sharply left. Got bunny boiler'esque dogs abuse over the coming weeks for ignoring her text messages but she soon disappeared.

/The End.
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I thought this was going here for a while..
http://49.media.tumblr.com/809228a1d06c74b0656257b73442e69f/tumblr_ng5ctib1UV1qf7otvo1_500.gif
 
wesimmo said:
Back in the early days of internet dating I arrange to meet a girl in a restaurant.

I arrived early and had a couple of drinks to calm the nerves, then needed to use the toilet.

Feeling a bit loquacious after the drinks I said to the guy washing his hands next to me "Bloody hell, I'm on a blind date tonight, if she's not up to much and you see me climbing out the toilet window, please don't raise the alarm or say anything."

Anyway, she arrived and I realised I'd fallen for the now well known "flattering angle of her years ago profile photo" scam.

Not being a complete low life, I sat down for dinner with her and started chatting away despite knowing it'd be our last date.

Later on the bloke from the toilet walked past as he returned from a subsequent toilet stop and not so subtly whispers "Don't worry mate, I've even opened the window for you."

She heard and it quickly turned from a pleasant, if platonic, evening to a very awkward situation as I tried to explain my way out of what he had said to me.
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That's fantastic :D
 
Not directly about me but...

Our team at work once had to move office. We packed all of our stuff up and got told that the move would take all afternoon. With nothing else to do, our boss whipped out his company credit card and suggested that we all go to the pub.

We didn't hold back. By about 7pm, we'd all had about eight pints and were very much the worse for wear. At this point, one of our party stands up and announces he has to leave because he has a date! :eek: A blind date, no less.

We found out two days later (he never made it into work the next day) that the date did not go well. He managed to sit down and look at a menu before having to run to the toilet the vomit. Apparently his conversation was less than sparkling and his date left after the main course.
 
Never been great with the ladys (asperger's syndrome will do that to you) and never went on a date until Uni but my first couple of “dates” was very hit and miss say the least.

1st Woman/date

Was in the student union waiting for my mates (nice bunchy of lads and ladys) 30mins later still waiting I notice there was also one other lass sat by herself so when I went to the bar I did something I don’t normal do and talk to said random lady. To cut a long story short the mates did come but I left with her to go back my halls and got my end away (for the first time so it was awkward) “good on ya son” you might say until the pillow talk later that evening in the morning when she said she used to use crack and other drugs :eek: . I never herd from her again thankfully.

2nd Woman/ 1st date

About a month later I met a hot lass at a female mates 21 birthday party (I just turned 20) I didn’t approach her in that way as I though she was way out of my league, she was the type that looked great the morning after in her PJ’s (we all stayed overnight at the birthday girls house) anyway much to my surprise we ended up going on a date back in Manchester near to where I was at uni at.

She was SUPER quiet all afternoon/even hardly spoke word but much to my surprise I did get a peck on the cheek just before jumped on the bus home. I didn’t think it was going anywhere regardless
The second “date” looked like it would be the same and that would be it….
I was invited round the following weekend to her’s and her mate’s house casual like, watching Dilbert on the TV (great show) in the living room. She was still being quiet despite me trying so I was thinking this is not going well. Anyway her mate goes upstairs as she had and work she had to do so it was just me and this woman with me feeling awkward watching Dilbert. Well all of a sudden SHE got bad case of the wondering hands syndrome and went straight for the meat and two veg much to my pleasant surprise!, you can guest the rest :D:D:D:D.

Ended up dating for 5 years and currently in 6 year dry spell since the end of that relationship lol

Great thread even it does make this 31 year old feel a little lonely and old lol

Keep the story's coming ladys and gents!
 
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I have another story:

I was with this girl for around 9 months many years ago, I was pretty into her but she ended it with me as she basically wanted to do what young free and single girls are entitled to do, I was pretty gutted but I knew her best friend at the time was pretty into me, I thought to myself what better way to annoy my ex :D so I started texting her.

Problem with that was she was quite a big girl who's hygiene (unknown to me at the time) wasn't the best. Anyway, I invited her round one Friday night and we were just hanging out watching tv when I thought I'd go for it, I'd attempt to sleep with my exes friend and cause all sorts of spiteful mischief between them, I kissed her and we started making out.

At this point I realised she probably doesn't clean her teeth, her breath was rancid, I couldn't believe I hadn't noticed until now, I was trying my hardest not to gag as I could literally taste how bad it was.

I persevered and we started undressing, that's when the other smell hit me like a brick to the face! Does this girl even wash I thought to myself?! I knew I wouldn't be able to 'perform' I don't think I'd ever been less attracted to a female in my life! Luckily her phone rang and I said "you'd better answer that" a few minutes later I said "oh, the phone has kinda killed the mood, sorry, you better go" and she left.

The whole thing completely backfired on me and I still get the micky taken out of me for 'going there' I see her shopping occasionally buying nothing but doughnuts and Pepsi and we both try to pretend the other doesn't exist! I even told my current missus the story and even she mocks me for it when we see her in the supermarket haha. :(
 
During my 4 year online dating crusade I had as many bad dates as good.

One particularly bad date ended with me saying "You remind me of my ex, goodbye"

She spentthe while time telling me what I could and couldn't do and that she's her own boss! #damagedgoods
 
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