ignorant parents and misbehaving children How do you deal with them ?

*Moangroan* · 8 Jun 2016 at 18:09

The children are a direct result of the OP/parents.

You are not setting boundaries so they dont see any (boundaries that is)

Looks like nothing will change until you explode because by what you have said your parents have given up and passed power to the sister in law.

Housey · 8 Jun 2016 at 18:11

She needs learning and learning good. The End.

HEADRAT · 8 Jun 2016 at 18:27

She's got 4 boys and your brother isn't about much, sounds like your brother needs to step up and support his wife.

Looking after a very well behaved child can be trying at times, 4 feisty boys you need a "trainer with a gun".

peterwalkley said:
Keeping 4 boys under control is never going to be easy so her kicking off is more likely a defensive reaction as she knows she can't cope, but won't admit it.

Good post, she needs assistance and constructive help not criticism, when you become a parent you don't automatically know what to do and you make loads of mistakes

*Moangroan* · 8 Jun 2016 at 20:04

2013 said:
My sister in law enables the misbehavior and lets them get away with things she would never allow around her own house ( inc damaging items sofas, walls doors, playing football indoors, leave bikes in the living room)

This has got nothing to do with being a parent.

Allowing something in someone elses house and not in your own.

You dont have to be a parent to know damage is someone elses house is wrong.

The parents are not taking responsibilty. And to add to this the OP and his parants are frightened of upsetting the apple cart.

Stand up to this behaviour you might even earn some respect because obviously they treat you and your house like dog dirt.

Good luck

FloppyPoppy · 8 Jun 2016 at 20:15

As above you won't get anywhere by doing nothing. Maybe "having a go" isn't the best way of attack however.

Megan my sisters kid is great when she comes. (She's early 7 years old) and she is "rewarded" for good behaviour for instance if she cleans her mess up she can get something from the sweetie jar she has a star chart aswell and if she gets to X number of stars in X time frame she gets various rewards like getting a new toy from the shop.

Kids adapt to routine really well and love rewards best to get them into good habits whilst young. Might be worth thinking about a behaviour chart for at your house with certain things that grant again different rewards.

This of course can also be reversed so bad behaviour warrants punishments.

You do also need to talk to the parents because they undoubtedly are the source of this behaviour.

wesimmo · 8 Jun 2016 at 20:37

I feel for you OP, I have the same situation with my sister's kids, they're just spoilt by both parents and my brother in law's parents. Demands are met and tantrums, or actual physically hitting my sister on one occasion I was there, get her eldest what she wanted, the youngest is going the same way.

I simply treat them like I treat my own daughter when they're around me and they don't give me any trouble because they know they won't get away with it.

My mum had to sit my sister down and tell her the reason my dad doesn't visit (Nottingham to Newcastle so they stay for a few days at a time) is because he doesn't like her kids.

It drives me mad, especially when they whine on Facebook "Oooh so annoyed, had to go up 16 times tonight." Well bloody don't, they're not going to die from a lack of milk when they've had plenty before bed or they've thrown their toys / dummy out the bed for the umpteenth time.

All you can do is make it clear your house, your rules or they're banished and let them get on with it and have a miserable life being dictated to by the kids. Unless they want to change things they'll suffer, just make sure you don't.

Dis86 · 8 Jun 2016 at 21:23

Much tough love in here. I approve! If only all parents had the sense so many of you clearly have.

2013 · 8 Jun 2016 at 21:33

Looks like nothing will change until you explode because by what you have said your parents have given up and passed power to the sister in law.

This is 100% correct and that's why I have a hard time dealing with it, because some time she does the same as the kids, so i know they get it from her.

She's got 4 boys and your brother isn't about much, sounds like your brother needs to step up and support his wife.

I dont think thats the case, He works 7 days a week 9-6 plus the time from and to work, he also lets them get away with a little, I think his problem is if he's not around he cant see how bad they are, but when he does he does sort it. with one parent doing one thing and the other doing something else.

This is why I think, like all the above have said the best option would be to tell the kids off and if things do kick off ill just need to clear things up.

Its my house so my rules, if they dont like it they can go home, I know my bother will not have a issue but if he does ill tell him.

it really needs to stop.

Kids adapt to routine really well and love rewards best to get them into good habits whilst young. Might be worth thinking about a behaviour chart for at your house with certain things that grant again different rewards.

This of course can also be reversed so bad behaviour warrants punishments.

I will give it a try.

wesimmo · 9 Jun 2016 at 13:05

Dis86 said:
Much tough love in here. I approve! If only all parents had the sense so many of you clearly have.

One of my mantras as a parent has been "I would rather Eloise disliked me for trying to make her a better person, than people dislike her because I haven't made her a better person."

It's horrible that I often make excuses to not spend time with my sister's family when we live so close, but I cannot stand to be with them as a family.

My brother in law and I get on exceptionally well aside from when the kids are around, and I don't mind having their daughter on her own, but family gatherings make me murderous.