The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Been with my current girlfriend since December, all was going well until recently she has got into depression over various issues from the past that still affect her. she's currently signed off and now on pills :/ for a few weeks, the problem is im struggling with her as she has change so much, its like seeing a different person and its really a struggle to treat her in the same way as before. She is saying it will hopefully sort its self out in a month or so.

Has anyone else experienced something like this before?
 
Narj said:
I'm finding one-night stands a bit boring and like a contest of sorts where I'm expecting scoring cards at the end so am putting maximum effort into smashing the hell out of them so I don't get any bad chat down the pub! Most of the time I don't even end up "arriving".

So... now I'm now working on a neighbour whose bloke is ignoring her and being a ****. It's like a challenge although I'm really not interested at all. I've got £50 on with a mate as to who can get to her first.

I should really order a Fleshlight.
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You sound like a horrible person
 
CoreKrogoth said:
Been with my current girlfriend since December, all was going well until recently she has got into depression over various issues from the past that still affect her. she's currently signed off and now on pills :/ for a few weeks, the problem is im struggling with her as she has change so much, its like seeing a different person and its really a struggle to treat her in the same way as before. She is saying it will hopefully sort its self out in a month or so.

Has anyone else experienced something like this before?
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If she's "the one", then stick it out. Depression is a horrible thing to deal with and you could be a stronger couple if you tackle it together.

However, you've only been together for 7 months so is it worth the emotional baggage?
 
CoreKrogoth said:
Been with my current girlfriend since December, all was going well until recently she has got into depression over various issues from the past that still affect her. she's currently signed off and now on pills :/ for a few weeks, the problem is im struggling with her as she has change so much, its like seeing a different person and its really a struggle to treat her in the same way as before. She is saying it will hopefully sort its self out in a month or so.

Has anyone else experienced something like this before?
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If it's just mild depression, get her to see her GP and get referred to some Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. As her partner, you have a support role to play, but you are not equipped to help her at a professional level.
 
had a bit of a chat this morning and decided to just be friends going forward, its pretty much felt like that for the last few weeks anyway. I know she does need some support / someone to talk to during this depression she is in and she is happy for that.
 
@ CoreKrogoth

From personal experience, if she's having time off and medication for historical issues this early in your relationship, then I doubt that this is just something that is a passing phase due to work/life stress (for example).
Most likely these are issues that will follow a cycle - everything is ok / most things are ok / some things are not ok / everything is not ok. Repeat.
In short, they are likely to be with her (and by extension anyone who is with her) for the rest of her life.

Whilst this doesn't mean you should run to the hills, you should be aware that the strength required to give her the support she may demand is likely far in excess of what your compassion leads you to act upon.
I found my life and relationship revolving almost entirely around the needs and irrational behaviour of another; I chose because I loved her, but in the end it almost broke me.
When push finally came to shove I found that the woman I'd been with for almost a decade was a complete stranger to me. Calling that a rude awakening was something of an understatement.

It's different for everyone, but there will always be some constants to behaviour and conditions like depression. Just be careful you don't allow another's condition to use you up because you care for them.
 
IvanDobskey said:
Is Narj for real :confused:

I really hope not for his own sake, not to mention any woman who has the misfortune of meeting him.
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Have you never got yourself into bad/embarrassing situations then? :confused: Alcohol has a good habit of ensuring it happens occasionally. The past year has been a bit nuts, that's all. A few Jeremy Kyle moments but you just have to laugh it off.

My life is normally pretty boring tbh.

I accept that pooing where you eat is probably not a good idea after reading some responses here so will bin that idea. :o
 
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Narj said:
Have you never got yourself into bad/embarrassing situations then? :confused: Alcohol has a good habit of ensuring it happens occasionally. The past year has been a bit nuts, that's all.

I accept that pooing where you eat is probably not a good idea after reading some responses here so will bin that idea. :o
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Maybe you aren't as bad a person as some of your posts make you sound. I don't know.

Of course I have got myself into embarrassing situations and I have made mistakes. But I always try to treat people as I'd like to be treated myself. The comments about making bets with your mate about who gets to bang someone first does not make you sound like a particularly nice person though.

I have always strived for long term relationships and steered away from one night stands, but that's just me.

I am currently 3 years into a relationship with a fantastic girl and wouldn't have it any other way.
 
jumpy said:
@ CoreKrogoth

From personal experience, if she's having time off and medication for historical issues this early in your relationship, then I doubt that this is just something that is a passing phase due to work/life stress (for example).
Most likely these are issues that will follow a cycle - everything is ok / most things are ok / some things are not ok / everything is not ok. Repeat.
In short, they are likely to be with her (and by extension anyone who is with her) for the rest of her life.

Whilst this doesn't mean you should run to the hills, you should be aware that the strength required to give her the support she may demand is likely far in excess of what your compassion leads you to act upon.
I found my life and relationship revolving almost entirely around the needs and irrational behaviour of another; I chose because I loved her, but in the end it almost broke me.
When push finally came to shove I found that the woman I'd been with for almost a decade was a complete stranger to me. Calling that a rude awakening was something of an understatement.

It's different for everyone, but there will always be some constants to behaviour and conditions like depression. Just be careful you don't allow another's condition to use you up because you care for them.
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I was with someone with mental health issues for a while....likewise it was all entirely about her overwhelming all consuming needs. It was like being a carer not a partner. People with these conditions have no place starting relationships with people.
 
IvanDobskey said:
Maybe you aren't as bad a person as some of your posts make you sound. I don't know.

Of course I have got myself into embarrassing situations and I have made mistakes. But I always try to treat people as I'd like to be treated myself. The comments about making bets with your mate about who gets to bang someone first does not make you sound like a particularly nice person though.

I have always strived for long term relationships and steered away from one night stands, but that's just me.

I am currently 3 years into a relationship with a fantastic girl and wouldn't have it any other way.
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I don't think one night stands are wrong. I mean as long as everyone is on the same page.
 
Narj said:
Have you never got yourself into bad/embarrassing situations then? :confused: Alcohol has a good habit of ensuring it happens occasionally. The past year has been a bit nuts, that's all. A few Jeremy Kyle moments but you just have to laugh it off.

My life is normally pretty boring tbh.

I accept that pooing where you eat is probably not a good idea after reading some responses here so will bin that idea. :o
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My advice is to secure your letterbox and proceed with caution.
 
lafemmefatale said:
Of course, let's stigmatise mental health issues even more and alienate those who suffer from them by ensuring they can never have a meaningful relationship with another person.
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Its their condition that ensures they cannot have a mutually fulfilling equal relationship with another person. What is more, it has been mine and others experience that these conditions are kept hidden from the new partner for as long as they can, so we can add dishonesty into the mix too.
 
lafemmefatale said:
Of course, let's stigmatise mental health issues even more and alienate those who suffer from them by ensuring they can never have a meaningful relationship with another person.
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But likewise, let's not say that those who find themselves in a relationship with a mentally disturbed partner must always ruin their own lives. People (for whatever reason) can become toxic and at some point a partner can be justified in bailing on a relationship for reasons of self-preservation.

Abuse comes in all sort of forms, and I would never suggest someone "must" stay with an abusive partner. Years of caring for a depressed, bi-polar or sociopathic partner (for which most people are ill-equipped) with no end in sight has to stop at some point.

Having mental health issues doesn't automatically excuse poor behaviour in a relationship, nor require that a partner has to endure it.
 
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I've not read so many online dating profiles listing depression, anxiety disorders, panic attacks, controlling behavior etc etc. Yet, somehow, i've heard of a few people who have met such people via online dating and not discovered these conditions until a few months in.

Seems a few people use online dating to find people who are not a part of their social circle and do not know their history.
 
Steampunk said:
But likewise, let's not say that those who find themselves in a relationship with a mentally disturbed partner must always ruin their own lives. People (for whatever reason) can become toxic and at some point a partner can be justified in bailing on a relationship for reasons of self-preservation.

Abuse comes in all sort of forms, and I would never suggest someone "must" stay with an abusive partner. Years of caring for a depressed, bi-polar or sociopathic partner with no end in sight has to stop at some point.

Having mental health issues doesn't automatically excuse poor behaviour in a relationship, nor require that a partner has to endure it.
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Nowhere am I refuting any of that, at all.

I was making a point of the blanket 'anyone who has mental health issues shouldn't be allowed in relationships' and how it's a problematic way to think.
 
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