The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

I find it generally helps if people had personal experience or friends or family who'd experienced issues or come in contact with mental health services. An unfortunate lack of information means, time after time, people mistake conditions with no outwards physical symptoms as a personal choice, and ascribe agency where there's often little or none. Which can be a tough cookie to break through, I admit. Nonetheless, dialogue, support in interventions and through the healing process can do a lot of good. When it all works out, and gets on YouTube, I weep happy tears.:D

Steampunk said:
That's the spirit! Seriously, if you were someone else giving advice to yourself as a friend, what would you say?

If you would tell yourself to stop being an ass, then maybe you should?
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Good luck alleviating extreme anxiety or clinical depression by telling them to get on their bikes.
 
If you have extreme anxiety or clinical depression then I think avoiding relationships all together until better is wise. It's not fair on all parties.
 
datalol-jack said:
Mail him some Viagra and other cheap drugs.
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I wasn't planning on getting some sort of reputation. :(

Drugs are bad, m'kay! You should only need viagra if you're playing hide the sausage with a proper swamp donkey after 8 pints.

As funny as it'd be to lighten up the thread with my utterly disastrous escapades, I shall refrain and wish lafemmefatale all the best! :) Relationships are definitely easier when you don't feel like you have to paper over the cracks.
 
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Narj said:
You should only need viagra if you're playing hide the sausage with a swamp donkey after 8 pints.

As funny as it'd be to lighten up the thread with my utterly disastrous romantic escapades
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Man, there are worse reputations than being the forum's Russell Brand.

However...

See you had it all perfectly worked out until you put those two sentences in the same post. I expect you have something to tell the court of bro-justice. :D
 
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datalol-jack said:
Man, there are worse reputations than being the forum's Russell Brand.

However...

See you had it all perfectly worked out until you put those two sentences in the same post. I expect you have something to tell the court of bro-justice. :D
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I'm nothing like Russell Brand, I just have a habit of getting into weird situations lately. :p

I'm not horrible, just a bit of an idiot sometimes.

If we ever have another anonymous confessions thread, I'll send a few in.
 
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Regarding a couple of things recently mentioned:

Mental illness, being a bit loopy, putting up a facade:

IME the real person shines through after about a month from the first encounter. If they are exceptionally good at disguising their flaws then 6 weeks tops. By this time in a natural dating scenario whereby you've gradually begun spending longer periods.of time together and have now begun sleeping together any cracks in the facade will be plain to see - provided one is vigilant. If something seems off don't brush it under the carpet, be honest with yourself on what your gut instinct is telling you and don't make excuses for the other person.

Being yourself:

Yes, be yourself but try to be the best version of yourself. Don't lay out all your foibles, focus on the facets of yourself you are proud of and put these forward. I'm not talking hiding mental illness here but if there is an aspect of yourself you'd like to change, use this.as an opportunity to.grow. If you have regrets about a the part you played in a previous relationship that failed then this is the opportunity to ensure the same mistake isn't made again. Don't tell your new love interest, it's none of their business.

This stuff sounds obvious but I made the same mistakes again and again throughout my twenties and only decided to try something different once I reached thirty and had dished out lots of pain to myself and others.

Be honest with yourself and your own motives but be economical in what you tell the other person, because the chances are they're dealing with their own stuff.

Hope this makes sense.
 
I reckon being able to recognise your own faults makes you a better prospect than many others who are either living in ignorance or denial.
 
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Gutted local girl with the incredible errrr "o level" skill, has decided she is already risking developing feelings for me, but knows i dont want a relationship.

So we're just gonna be platonic friends, least she seems good fun for a mate.
 
It feels odd to be single again. However I don't regret making the decision to leave her. I posted here probably a year ago or more and said how bad things were and I kind of wished I'd taken some of the advice I was given, but well you live and learn.

Its been almost 3 weeks since I left and I've been a much happier person as a result of it. The only thing I miss is our dog :( I don't miss her oddly enough.
 
Well datalol all 3 down in one day.

I have achived what should be nivarna i feel hollow.



When you achive what should make you happy and it doesn't it kinda ruins the lie to yourself that you just needed tonreach further a greater goal a more extreme end
 
Tefal said:
Well datalol all 3 down in one day.

I have achived what should be nivarna i feel hollow.



When you achive what should make you happy and it doesn't it kinda ruins the lie to yourself that you just needed tonreach further a greater goal a more extreme end
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Without the experience would you still have reached the same conclusion?

The main thing is not to stop being human but, as I hinted to Narj somewhat indirectly, perhaps you should look over your experiences and draw the line at competing with yourself before it becomes a farce.

If it was just a bad night, then that's that. If it was a bad trend, then perhaps some introspection is in order. What do you really want? Challenges are great but some aren't worth it for their own sake when you're effectively standing still as a person.

Perhaps you want to move on to something more stable? What about actually being content as you were? Maybe work's a bit rubbish? Or possibly you've been thinking of doing something completely different for a while and kept putting it off, filling up the day-to-day with whatever you can get at easily? Taking the foot off the pedal and just having a chat might clear things up for you. Don't cast too negative a light on yourself though, particularly if you had episodes of depression/low mood in the past.

As time ticks away, you'll become desensitised to certain things, and that's alright; it's how we discover new hobbies and make new friends. Find a way forward not necessarily towards more challenges but something to hold your interest. I tend to withdraw a bit and work on a few personal projects, others go for a wander or participate in structured activities and causes to find their beat again. Whatever works. Dwelling on the physical may leave you with an impression that's all there is.

Take a nap for now though. :p
 
datalol-jack said:
Without the experience would you still have reached the same conclusion?

The main thing is not to stop being human but, as I hinted to Narj somewhat indirectly, perhaps you should look over your experiences and draw the line at competing with yourself before it becomes a farce.

If it was just a bad night, then that's that. If it was a bad trend, then perhaps some introspection is in order. What do you really want? Challenges are great but some aren't worth it for their own sake when you're effectively standing still as a person.

Perhaps you want to move on to something more stable? What about actually being content as you were? Maybe work's a bit rubbish? Or possibly you've been thinking of doing something completely different for a while and kept putting it off, filling up the day-to-day with whatever you can get at easily? Taking the foot off the pedal and just having a chat might clear things up for you. Don't cast too negative a light on yourself though, particularly if you had episodes of depression/low mood in the past.

As time ticks away, you'll become desensitised to certain things, and that's alright; it's how we discover new hobbies and make new friends. Find a way forward not necessarily towards more challenges but something to hold your interest. I tend to withdraw a bit and work on a few personal projects, others go for a wander or participate in structured activities and causes to find their beat again. Whatever works. Dwelling on the physical may leave you with an impression that's all there is.

Take a nap for now though. :p
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See the thing is i live a life that should be almost ideal for most.

I've got a good job im good at and is stress free, i have no financial worries, i will soon have a house that will be no pressure to afford.


I have great friends and active and varied social life (this last month I've net film directors, designers architects who worked on the Olympic building etc, attended awesome events for free and just nice honest dinners with close friends clustered around a tiny table in a 1 room bed sit).

I have a group of very attractive and apriciative friends wirh benifits who love me and i love in return.

I i should be happy.

But it all just seems pointless.

This was a joked about event to bag all three with some lads from work ive achived it and most guys would have killed for this given the girls involved but still means nothing.

I've learned given a few hours alone i can make almost anyone develop feelings for be but i just dont feel anything in return.


I am simply an actor playing a role through life, non of it seems real.

The more i t ry to escalate to stanger and more extreme situations the more I feel its pointless.


Im not unhapoy, im not depressed im just...not happy
 
Tefal said:
See the thing is i live a life that should be almost ideal for most.

I've got a good job im good at and is stress free, i have no financial worries, i will soon have a house that will be no pressure to afford.


I have great friends and active and varied social life (this last month I've net film directors, designers architects who worked on the Olympic building etc, attended awesome events for free and just nice honest dinners with close friends clustered around a tiny table in a 1 room bed sit).

I have a group of very attractive and apriciative friends wirh benifits who love me and i love in return.

I i should be happy.

But it all just seems pointless.

This was a joked about event to bag all three with some lads from work ive achived it and most guys would have killed for this given the girls involved but still means nothing.

I've learned given a few hours alone i can make almost anyone develop feelings for be but i just dont feel anything in return.


I am simply an actor playing a role through life, non of it seems real.

The more i t ry to escalate to stanger and more extreme situations the more I feel its pointless.


Im not unhapoy, im not depressed im just...not happy
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So you're comfortable but detached from the experiences you're taking in? It could be just sheer saturation and demand on your time.

How easy do you find it to swap different people you know in conversation? Do you get a lot out of them emotionally and intellectually? Breaking out of the rush and your normal circumstances could help you see the point, or at least soften the midlife crisis. Definitely claw back a few hours for yourself.

If the detachment persists though, have a chat with a professional to sort through your thinking on this. People laugh at first world problems but there's a kernel of truth to it and wouldn't be a waste of his time.

Keep us posted too.
 
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