The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
- Thread starter mattyprice4004
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Soldato
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Tinder is great. More ass than a toilet seat.
Well give me a TLDR on how it goes down for you, how long do you chat then ask for number and how quick are you to schedule a meetup?
I had like 5-6 recently numbers but they went cold. I think I left it too long but got a little caught up with work.
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Well give me a TLDR on how it goes down for you, how long do you chat then ask for number and how quick are you to schedule a meetup?
I had like 5-6 recently numbers but when they cold. I think I left it too long but got a little caught up with work.
Depends; using it at Uni it can be instantaneous. 'Fancy doing something tonight?'
I've not been on it that long, and have well over 100 matches (considering the unmatched probably edging closer to 150 ish).
Just do not take it seriously, do not be a weirdo
, try and be chatty and going for a drink is always on the cards.Depends on the girl in question re; your asking about numbers. Usually not long at all.
Soldato
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Yeah afraid a medium sized town it isn't as easy as instantaneous. When I lived in Leeds it did actually bit easier to get a date (had a handful back then, recently jumped back on Tinder)... because like you said, just ask them to do something that night.
someone got in before you normally.
remember they're chatting to at least as many guys as you are irls.
odds are most will go with one of those other guys before you make your move.
Soldato
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Time to throw my hat in the ring.
I broke up with my long term partner about 6 months ago. The breakup was amicable, and we still spoke every month or so as a general catchup and things were fine. I really felt like i was doing ok, getting things back on track and building confidence up again.
Then we met up the other day just to say goodbye before she moves out of the area, and she tells me that on her recent holiday she had a one night stand with some guy.
I just froze, i honestly just didn't know what to do with myself. I don't know where the feelings even came from - i had come to terms that it would eventually happen with some guy and thought I was ok with it, but now I really feel like I'm back to square one.
I feel an absolute wreck and perhaps even worse than when we first broke up.
I'm aware that a). We probably should have just cut ties. b). She can do what she wants now, and shouldn't feel guilty about it.
But i just needed to vent. I was doing fine until she told me, so I really wish i just never knew, and right now i just absolutely hate her guts.
I broke up with my long term partner about 6 months ago. The breakup was amicable, and we still spoke every month or so as a general catchup and things were fine. I really felt like i was doing ok, getting things back on track and building confidence up again.
Then we met up the other day just to say goodbye before she moves out of the area, and she tells me that on her recent holiday she had a one night stand with some guy.
I just froze, i honestly just didn't know what to do with myself. I don't know where the feelings even came from - i had come to terms that it would eventually happen with some guy and thought I was ok with it, but now I really feel like I'm back to square one.
I feel an absolute wreck and perhaps even worse than when we first broke up.
I'm aware that a). We probably should have just cut ties. b). She can do what she wants now, and shouldn't feel guilty about it.
But i just needed to vent. I was doing fine until she told me, so I really wish i just never knew, and right now i just absolutely hate her guts.
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That's where you went wrong. Emotional baggage mate. She's an ex for a reason, unless you have kids together then you had no reason to keep in touch.
That's why severing ties is the recommended method of moving forwards. Keeping in touch runs the risk of old feelings and habits coming back ie being emotionally dragged back to the past. Regardless of how amicable the breakup was, there was still a time that you loved each other, and that sort of thing leaves it's mark for a long time.
As you've learned, what you understand in your head and what you are reasonable about doesn't stop an emotional response. You feel what you feel, and you still feel those things even when you intellectually understand where those feelings come from.
One day those feelings will not be there and you won't care that your ex has moved on, but until then, if you can't deal with those feelings, you need to cut ties with your ex and not have them in the first place. You have to move on from her, and that may mean cutting her out completely until such a time that you can gain some distance and perspective so that you don't get that same type of emotional response from her moving on too.
Could be way worse you're lucky if it took her nearly 6 month to sleep with someone else. Women can move on fast initially and be in bed with someone only a few days after a breakup.
North Carolina is the only way to go after breaking up, amicable or not.
North Carolina is the only way to go after breaking up, amicable or not.
Her chucking that in there almost flippantly was a test, no doubt about it. She was fishing to see if you still had feelings for her and she still had a 'hold' on you. Nasty, manipulative female trick.
What are your experiences with Tinder all?
I'm a decent enough looking guy, confident enough don't really fear rejection that much. Get a handful of matches daily...however you can be having a really good convo/back n forth for example with a girl and she'll just vanish. I know some might say oh your game is off or you said stupid **** etc, I'm pretty objective when looking back over my convos and they're pretty much normal. No surprise weiner pics or anything like that
Happens quite often. I know this is probably down to literal spam girls get I can imagine on the app, but it is quite frustrating when the girl herself suggests to meet up for example then just goes cold randomly...Maybe I should try okcupid or something. At least on there you can tailor messages a bit better.
I am late 20's and really don't give that much of a **** about actually hooking up. Just even meeting for a drink good enough, something to do
Part of me just thinks I should hit up the club/bar scene and go face to face. Actually find that far easier to do.
My experience with Pof was not a disaster but If I was single I wouldn't do it again.
But I was after something special. And of the 7 or so dates none had that.
Had a couple of nice dates and none were terrible.
I would never use tinder as I'm a bit fussy on personality (even for dates) so a picture isn't enough.
If you're just after a time filler and really don't care etc I suppose it can't hurt
Personally I'm in the camp of 'dating sites don't work' for me.
I don't like feeling like the next on a conveyer belt knowing that I'm being compared to the next 10 guys, who even if aren't better, they are now.
Have to agree.
No point holding on. Its hard enough without it.
On plus side, sometimes hate helps you move on.
Can always message me if you want. Been through it last year
It's possible it was unintentional. After all, if their breakup was amicable and now they've friend-zoned each other, then she might have just been babbling on about her holiday just as she would to any other friend and mentioned that she got lucky on holiday, thinking they were just friends and that's the sort of thing she'd say to a friend.
If they are supposed to be over each other and they are all friends and keeping in touch like grown-ups, then why wouldn't she treat him like any of her other friends and share that kind of stuff? Like face-book, but face-to-face, and now the ex apparently has had a wobbly, because he's still "got feelings" for her despite his protestations otherwise and the amicable breakup.
I'm sure we've all done it where we've talked about something we're excited about, expecting someone else to share that excitement, and the reaction was not what was expected. She's obviously moved on to being friends, and he hasn't, not deep down where it counts.
So it may have been a bit of a malicious test or turn of the knife, but it may have been something innocent, if a bit insensitive. In the end they both know that he's got no right to be jealous any more.
After coming out of an 8.5 year relationship at the start of the year, I've not had a bad time with online dating tbh, far less painful that I'd come to expect from reading about it.
Managed to avoid crazies, made a good few friends & currently elusively dating somebody who's girlfriend material.
The key I've found is - don't be a creep, try to make them laugh & don't be crazy is pretty much all you need to do. (also try not to be light-speed ugly, a little ugly is fine - though I've noticed ladies do like my two sleeves)
Managed to avoid crazies, made a good few friends & currently elusively dating somebody who's girlfriend material.
The key I've found is - don't be a creep, try to make them laugh & don't be crazy is pretty much all you need to do. (also try not to be light-speed ugly, a little ugly is fine - though I've noticed ladies do like my two sleeves)
To be fair, where I live is very slim pickings. Non University city, very chavy. You wouldn't live here by choice
Steampunk said:
My money is on the intentional manipulative version
But then I'm not over the hurt from my breakup last Nov and how I let her manipulate me so much during the relationship....love is blind *sigh*
It was a four year, quite turbulent relationship, and after I finished it for the final time - I just couldn't take her **** anymore, she rang me a few weeks later to tell me that I was the love of her life and always would be and had never loved anyone like she loved me, with which I replied "yea that's why you are seeing someone else already"...."That's why I am ringing you to tell you I'm getting married......"
Rang a few times after that saying the same things, then before the wedding saying how she didn't really feel much for this guy and how her friends were saying I should be stopping the wedding and then rang me a few weeks afterwards still telling me I was the one and only love of her life....
Thankfully she seems to have finally taken the hint after calling her a see you next tuesday multiple times and to never call me again, I haven't heard from her for a few months now.
I do like 'em a bit crazy, but looking back on it this one took the biscuit...But I had fallen for her hard right from the first day I met her and my main regret is not giving her the unconditional love I did but allowing her to take that and use it against me.
Thankfully I'm quite resilient and haven't ended up a bitter and twisted old man....yet
But it's put me off Nurses for the rest of my life
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Yeah, the Portsmouth area isn't too bad, well Southsea but being by the coast there is a reduction in local population within say 20 miles (as for half the possible directions 20 miles is in the sea!)
I can imagine some cities are much worse mind & others better.
crazy is as crazy does
chopped.
Yer, I don't understand this kind of behaviour either.
I remember when my ex bailed out after the better part of a decade, she rang me in floods of tears saying how awful and miserable she felt etc etc. When I asked if we could keep in contact once a week or so (just so I knew she hadn't topped herself and was doing ok - she had some severe mental health problems) I get a call from her dad telling me to leave his daughter alone and stop calling her - words to the effect of 'you know what I can be like, jumpy, and **** is my daughter and she has to get what she wants and it's my job to see that she has it...'. FFS, she rang me!
Then several times over the next 2 years I got letters and birthday cards with old photos of us together (she said she was 'clearing out some stuff and thought I might want these') and her saying how much she missed me and how she hoped I was doing ok.
As I had no direct contact with her any more, I rang her mum to ask what was going on and what the hell her daughter thought she was playing at. Only to be told 'well **** is very ill jumpy' orly. tell me something I don't know.
In the end we exchanged a couple of brief emails where she expressed surprise that I had any bitter feelings about our breakup. I basically told her that she didn't have the right to contact me any more, that her leaving was her choice and that I couldn't get on with my life and rebuild my situation when every few months I'd get her poking a reminder my way in the form of a letter or some-such thing when it suited her to do so.
Through all of it (the breakup and the weird letters afterwards) I tried to be reasonable and careful in how I acted so as not to make her situation worse.
That was a mistake. I should have lost my **** and told her and her parents exactly what I thought. It might have caused them some problems, but getting that off my chest might have given me some release from how isolated and cut off I had felt back then.
Looking back on it all there were soooo many red flags. hah, I guess you make the choices you make because they're the right ones at the time. I find it amusing that I can look back on it now and so completely disagree with some of them
she rang me a few weeks later to tell me that I was the love of her life and always would be and had never loved anyone like she loved me, with which I replied "yea that's why you are seeing someone else already"...."That's why I am ringing you to tell you I'm getting married......"
Rang a few times after that saying the same things, then before the wedding saying how she didn't really feel much for this guy and how her friends were saying I should be stopping the wedding and then rang me a few weeks afterwards still telling me I was the one and only love of her life....
Thankfully she seems to have finally taken the hint after calling her a see you next tuesday multiple times and to never call me again, I haven't heard from her for a few months now.
chopped.
Yer, I don't understand this kind of behaviour either.
I remember when my ex bailed out after the better part of a decade, she rang me in floods of tears saying how awful and miserable she felt etc etc. When I asked if we could keep in contact once a week or so (just so I knew she hadn't topped herself and was doing ok - she had some severe mental health problems) I get a call from her dad telling me to leave his daughter alone and stop calling her - words to the effect of 'you know what I can be like, jumpy, and **** is my daughter and she has to get what she wants and it's my job to see that she has it...'. FFS, she rang me!
Then several times over the next 2 years I got letters and birthday cards with old photos of us together (she said she was 'clearing out some stuff and thought I might want these') and her saying how much she missed me and how she hoped I was doing ok.
As I had no direct contact with her any more, I rang her mum to ask what was going on and what the hell her daughter thought she was playing at. Only to be told 'well **** is very ill jumpy' orly. tell me something I don't know.
In the end we exchanged a couple of brief emails where she expressed surprise that I had any bitter feelings about our breakup. I basically told her that she didn't have the right to contact me any more, that her leaving was her choice and that I couldn't get on with my life and rebuild my situation when every few months I'd get her poking a reminder my way in the form of a letter or some-such thing when it suited her to do so.
Through all of it (the breakup and the weird letters afterwards) I tried to be reasonable and careful in how I acted so as not to make her situation worse.
That was a mistake. I should have lost my **** and told her and her parents exactly what I thought. It might have caused them some problems, but getting that off my chest might have given me some release from how isolated and cut off I had felt back then.
Looking back on it all there were soooo many red flags. hah, I guess you make the choices you make because they're the right ones at the time. I find it amusing that I can look back on it now and so completely disagree with some of them