The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

[XeNoN89]

I've never used any dating app before. Just created an account on bumble.

Anyone else find themselves swiping left like 98% of the time? It's really easy to be a lot more picky than you would just meeting girls in person due to the sheer numbers you can get through

 

[ChrisD.]

I've been single for 2 years now, i enjoy being on my own but just sometimes, i'd love to get into bed and have someone there waiting for me, rather than me paying for their taxi home in the morning..

I've been single for two years now and I wouldn't have it any other way. A woman would seriously have to knock me off my feet for me to consider a relationship.

 

[413x]

I've been single for two years now and I wouldn't have it any other way. A woman would seriously have to knock me off my feet for me to consider a relationship.

I've said the same if my current relationship did for whatever reason end.
As I don't have many friends round here, but more is my job isn't one that motivates me

 

[413x]

I've never used any dating app before. Just created an account on bumble.

Anyone else find themselves swiping left like 98% of the time? It's really easy to be a lot more picky than you would just meeting girls in person due to the sheer numbers you can get through

Never heard of it, likely a niche crowd or possibly filled with bots

 

[DrToffnar]

A good friend started a jokey PoF account for me 5 years ago now and I've had 3 great relationships out of it since along side numerous 'dates'.

It's really easy to be cynical about stuff like PoF and Tinder, but they genuinely are great ways to meet people. Not too say everyone you meet/talk to is going to be for you (met my previous ex over PoF. All great for a few months and then something flipped in her head. Really didn't end well...

But my current lady friend is wonderful! Been going out for almost 2 years now and it's just... easy. Never been in a relationship that's been as relaxed yet exciting as this one and it never would have happened without apps like these.

It's just about patience really. Not judging everyone by there pics and genuinely giving people a chance to show you who they really are. I actually really enjoyed being single as a result of dating apps.

 

[DrToffnar]

I've been single for two years now and I wouldn't have it any other way. A woman would seriously have to knock me off my feet for me to consider a relationship.

Fair play to you man. I can't stand it personally. Haven't really been without a lady friend since I was 15. Not trying to brag! I just don't like being single all that much. Probably something a Psychiatrist would enjoy hearing xD

 

[ChrisD.]

I signed up to POF the other night, so many questions I just gave up in the end.

Been on Tinder for ages and never met anyone through it. I've met women through OKC, Match and Happn but never Tinder.

 

[ChrisD.]

Fair play to you man. I can't stand it personally. Haven't really been without a lady friend since I was 15. Not trying to brag! I just don't like being single all that much. Probably something a Psychiatrist would enjoy hearing xD

I think my issue is that I've never been single in my adult years. I met my (now ex) wife at 20 or so, we broke up after being together for 5 and a bit years and I was with someone else for 9 months after that. That ended and I got with me recent ex about 6 months after that and we lived together for a fair few years. She moved out 2 years ago and I just haven't been ready for another relationship.

I like the fact I can do what I want, when I want. Sure it'd be great to share my time with someone but every time I started dating someone I always feel like I have to give up my time to see them. So I'm off dating now, hook ups only.

 

[XeNoN89]

Never heard of it, likely a niche crowd or possibly filled with bots

I think it's quite popular here in London, I liked the idea of it because the women have to message you first so you're a lot less likely to end up trying to chat to somebody not interested

 

[DrToffnar]

I think my issue is that I've never been single in my adult years. I met my (now ex) wife at 20 or so, we broke up after being together for 5 and a bit years and I was with someone else for 9 months after that. That ended and I got with me recent ex about 6 months after that and we lived together for a fair few years. She moved out 2 years ago and I just haven't been ready for another relationship.

I like the fact I can do what I want, when I want. Sure it'd be great to share my time with someone but every time I started dating someone I always feel like I have to give up my time to see them. So I'm off dating now, hook ups only.

Fair enough dude. I guess a few bad experiences will make you see the lighter side of being single.

I think you know your in a good relationship when there isn't any pressure or feeling of obligation to see each other every other day. There's been times when me and the lady friend have gone 2-3 weeks without seeing one another and it's been fine. It's partly a feeling of trust and both knowing that it's healthy to spend time away from each other.

Plus, the nooky is pretty phenomenal after that amount of time apart xD

It's like the great Karl Pilkington said, "It shouldn't be hard. As soon as it's hard, it's not right".

 

[Tosno]

So idly browsing Tinder (horse or duck face=instant swipe left!) and have come across two ladies from work. One I knew was single the other I assumed was married. What is the etiquette for these things? Do I say I like them to be friendly? Just in case? Swipe left anyway as surely if they know you and we're interested they'd have implied as such already? Or perhaps they think I'm married?

They will be talking to each other, so like the ugliest one and neg the better one.

 

[ci_newman]

Fair enough dude. I guess a few bad experiences will make you see the lighter side of being single.

I think you know your in a good relationship when there isn't any pressure or feeling of obligation to see each other every other day. There's been times when me and the lady friend have gone 2-3 weeks without seeing one another and it's been fine. It's partly a feeling of trust and both knowing that it's healthy to spend time away from each other.

Plus, the nooky is pretty phenomenal after that amount of time apart xD

It's like the great Karl Pilkington said, "It shouldn't be hard. As soon as it's hard, it's not right".

I couldn't go 2-3 weeks without any nooky I occasionally have to travel with work and after a week away from home I'm ready to boil over!

 

[malachi]

It's just about patience really. Not judging everyone by there pics and genuinely giving people a chance to show you who they really are. I actually really enjoyed being single as a result of dating apps.

I have never tried Internet dating or have the intention of doing so but i took a browse of POF in my area. Put my age range 28 to 38, the amount of women whose occupation is "full time mom"

Yes everyone deserves a chance but they should go out and get a job instead of looking for the next man to fund them and their child (s).

 

[Ayahuasca]

Not just the single mums looking for handouts, I'd regularly get asked how much I earned.

 

[TheVoice]

Good luck! Thats how it started with my gf (not work mate)
Hopefully you don't work in the exact same room. I can imagine that might be difficult if things worked out?

Our desks are pretty-much opposite each other.

Evening went well, didn't 'feel' like a date but then it's also the first time we've spent any proper time together outside of work and we've been friends for a few months so I wasn't expecting it to be. It was nice though, and she sent me a message shortly after dropping her off to say she had a great time.

Where it goes from here, I don't know. I don't want the uncertainty dragged out for too long just so I know where I stand but I'm also aware that as soon as that threshold is crossed, either way, things are going to change a bit between us. I'm definitely not looking to make working together uncomfortable but I do want her to know I like her and would be willing to carefully give it a go if she wants to.

 

[413x]

Our desks are pretty-much opposite each other.

Evening went vewell, didn't 'feel' like a date but then it's also the first time we've spent any proper time together outside of work and we've been friends for a few months so I wasn't expecting it to be. It was nice though, and she sent me a message shortly after dropping her off to say she had a great time.

Where it goes from here, I don't know. I don't want the uncertainty dragged out for too long just so I know where I stand but I'm also aware that as soon as that threshold is crossed, either way, things are going to change a bit between us. I'm definitely not looking to make working together uncomfortable but I do want her to know I like her and would be willing to carefully give it a go if she wants to.

I had a similar (very similar) thing happen to me but in a friendship group rather than work.
But take into account I am an overthinker!

Basically the girl seeing now I met in a friendship circle. This was made more stressful as it. Is my only real friendship circle. We had known each other a few months and, as in your case, had a date that wasn't declared a date, but was a date.
It also went well, a second date followed. And I decided to tell her I liked her. Knowing that a line of no return was about to be crossed. I knew I couldn't go back to being friends after that.
This also went well.

The following immediate time frame was a bit stressful. We took it very slow. And I didn't really know where 'we' were for a while. But at same time I'm glad it was slow.. It felt natural and completely different to the production line of online dating.
What was difficult was progressing things without being too forceful.

I suppose it's a case of is the risk (work place, friendship group) worth the reward (is she worth that much).

The more I like someone, (ie the more I value someone) the more the risk increases. So the risk-reward go up together. If you two can go together, it end in 6 months and still be natural. May as well give it a try.. But if not.. Really give it some serious thought.

If my gf ended it tomorrow, I wouldn't be able to enjoy being in the same friendship group. Would that be the case for yourself at work?

 

[TheVoice]

That's actually really helpful, thank-you for that. I too am a huge overthinker and fantastically hopeless at reading 'the signals' which probably explains why I've just spent a good half an hour sitting on my bed writing a (possibly slightly too long) message to send her later/tomorrow saying I had a great time and would like to do it again because I think she's great, but not at the cost of us being friends or making things awkward at work. Which reading it over, just feels like it could make things awkward anyway!

I'm not sure whether she'll value the upfront honesty of it or whether it's just a bit too much to be hit with at once. But at the same time, given we have to see each other five days out of seven, I'm worried that leaving it to just take its own pace and being a bit vague and ambiguous might drag it out and cause things to be weird anyway. I know I'd rather just know, but I don't know if she'd rather just know. You know?

She's far, far more attractive than me anyway so if this does somehow all work out the world will probably immediately spin off its axis.

 

[Tefal]

So after the epic dramaz in Manchester last weekend (not my fault) tefals social life has been moved to London for the month of august

pride is being swapped with a bbq too

 

[413x]

That's actually really helpful, thank-you for that. I too am a huge overthinker and fantastically hopeless at reading 'the signals' which probably explains why I've just spent a good half an hour sitting on my bed writing a (possibly slightly too long) message to send her later/tomorrow saying I had a great time and would like to do it again because I think she's great, but not at the cost of us being friends or making things awkward at work. Which reading it over, just feels like it could make things awkward anyway!

I'm not sure whether she'll value the upfront honesty of it or whether it's just a bit too much to be hit with at once. But at the same time, given we have to see each other five days out of seven, I'm worried that leaving it to just take its own pace and being a bit vague and ambiguous might drag it out and cause things to be weird anyway. I know I'd rather just know, but I don't know if she'd rather just know. You know?

She's far, far more attractive than me anyway so if this does somehow all work out the world will probably immediately spin off its axis.

Feel free to contact me in pm! Sounds like you are quite similar to me!

 

[datalol-jack]

So after the epic dramaz in Manchester last weekend (not my fault) tefals social life has been moved to London for the month of august

Chased out of the city with torch and pitchfork, eh? Sounds like you bridged one of them ladies too far indeed.

pride is being swapped with a bbq too

Nothing like more meat to keep one going.

She's far, far more attractive than me anyway so if this does somehow all work out the world will probably immediately spin off its axis.

That's relative. What matters is that she finds you attractive: proceed on this assumption until proved otherwise. You never know -- she might be thinking the exact same thing in reverse!