It's been a while since i posted here...I split with my wife about 18 months back. We were together for 9 years. While it was mutual, I'm still struggling to understand how we ended up like this. We've met on multiple occasions, as we have a son and it remains mutual, and I've tried to get closure but god I miss her...more than I thought I would to be honest! Memories, wishing it was different...is this normal (assuming yes)? I've never had to go through this before!
The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
- Thread starter mattyprice4004
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Is it really mutual? I would at least tell her if I wanted to get back togethe. You have nothing to lose other than your pride
The split was, we knew we were drifting apart and our relationship took a hit when we lost our daughter but we got it back on track. When we had our son her priorities changes and we slowly started drifting further apart. She doesn't want anything again and has made that clear...I just wish this wasn't the case.
All I can say is dwelling on it after a year and a half isn't going to do you any favours, focus your time and energy on yourself, these are things you can change, you can't change what's happened and it's very unlikely you'll change her mind.
Soldato
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Yes, it's a perfectly normal response, and if you're honest with yourself about the situation and the emotion, it'll pass in time. Meeting each other regularly complicates things and it'll take longer, but if you don't fixate on trying to get back together at all costs, it should work out. I wouldn't play whatabout or alternative history with your lost relationship, however: a loss of a child and other critical events in this chain may have been entirely outside of your control or ability to influence. Trying to force an unwilling ex-partner into therapy or counselling has the capacity to backfire and isn't a guaranteed way not to swallow a more painful and less friendly breakup later. Although if you're really struggling, there's no shame in seeking a bit of support for yourself and getting your thoughts straight.
Contact + child + 'mutual' is going to make it hard to get rid of feelings.
I wasnt married but it took 4 months to be fully over it after 6 years. If I had contact and a child it would have been worse. I don't actually know how you move on if you still have feelings and contact.
I suppose you have to truly (in that you really believe) know it was wrong and it wasn't meant to be to move on. If you don't think this.. Well I haven't been in that position,but i can how the flame can burn for a years
I'd say 18 months is a long time. Have you tried dating etc?
I wasnt married but it took 4 months to be fully over it after 6 years. If I had contact and a child it would have been worse. I don't actually know how you move on if you still have feelings and contact.
I suppose you have to truly (in that you really believe) know it was wrong and it wasn't meant to be to move on. If you don't think this.. Well I haven't been in that position,but i can how the flame can burn for a years
I'd say 18 months is a long time. Have you tried dating etc?
Even thought I have no active subscription in iTunes and they have no payment information, Match have managed to extend me another 6 months when I didn't want them to. There was no auto-renewal set up at all yet if I log in it shows a 6 month 'mobile' subscription. How is this possible? I can't see any payments being taken (yet) however today is the renewal day so wouldn't expect it to show for a day or so. I've sent support an email.
I have tried dating yes and was with someone for about 3-4 months. However, my head wasn't in it and called it off. I'm not ready yet but I am enjoying time to myself.
So the girl I have been seeing for the last 4 months had to come to a end. Such a shame as she is amazing (other than she hates my car), we get on so well, she is probably one of the nicest girls I have dates and things had been going really well.
But I got a Job 200 miles from home she does not want a long distance relationship.
But I got a Job 200 miles from home she does not want a long distance relationship.
Quick question.
Been out of the game for too long, anyway went docs today and really hit it off with this lovely German doctor, both of us couldn't stop laughing.
Thing is I find myself wanting to go back and ask her out.
Things is as well as being out of touch, I don't want to come across as a stalker, i guess what im asking I'd how to approach the situation?
Been out of the game for too long, anyway went docs today and really hit it off with this lovely German doctor, both of us couldn't stop laughing.
Thing is I find myself wanting to go back and ask her out.
Things is as well as being out of touch, I don't want to come across as a stalker, i guess what im asking I'd how to approach the situation?
Do it! Report back. Hope it all turns out great for you
Will do, she is typically German very direct but flirty and fun a real cracker.
Fingers crossed.
I'm in a situation.
Had a night out arranged with the girlfriend for tomorrow. Luxury hotel, tickets to a gig, restaurant the whole thing. About £200 spent already.
Girlfriends Ex is a complete arse, and has apparently now said he won't have her kids as previously arranged...lots more history to this .. Threats to me, generally causing trouble etc.
So I said well I'll come over on Saturday anyway and we'll do something fun with the kids during the day ... By the way however some people in know are still going to this thing ... So I'm considering going with them so I might toddle off into town in the evening. Not plan A but it is what it is.
Big sulk from her...how it's hurtful ... How it's gone from me and her to me going off with randoms and squeezing her in maybe ...refusing to actually speak with me just got this on text
Am I in the wrong ? Do I have an obligation to sit in her house cos her ex is a fool ?
Had a night out arranged with the girlfriend for tomorrow. Luxury hotel, tickets to a gig, restaurant the whole thing. About £200 spent already.
Girlfriends Ex is a complete arse, and has apparently now said he won't have her kids as previously arranged...lots more history to this .. Threats to me, generally causing trouble etc.
So I said well I'll come over on Saturday anyway and we'll do something fun with the kids during the day ... By the way however some people in know are still going to this thing ... So I'm considering going with them so I might toddle off into town in the evening. Not plan A but it is what it is.
Big sulk from her...how it's hurtful ... How it's gone from me and her to me going off with randoms and squeezing her in maybe ...refusing to actually speak with me just got this on text
Am I in the wrong ? Do I have an obligation to sit in her house cos her ex is a fool ?
Well, sounds like you planned a night with her, part of which was going to a gig. Now it sounds like you're actually more interested in going to the gig than seeing her.
If her kids are important to her (I assume they are) then they are a major part of her life, so just basically blowing her off because she has kids in tow doesn't bode well for the future, when they may well be your kids as well.
If her kids are important to her (I assume they are) then they are a major part of her life, so just basically blowing her off because she has kids in tow doesn't bode well for the future, when they may well be your kids as well.
I guess this will be am ongoing thing if her ex is an arse.
How are you supposed to do nice things with someone like that in the picture?
I do also see her point. Like amp said.
But to chuck 200 away. Not good!
Sounds like you've taken a lot on. Best of luck.
How are you supposed to do nice things with someone like that in the picture?
I do also see her point. Like amp said.
But to chuck 200 away. Not good!
Sounds like you've taken a lot on. Best of luck.
I guess no-one else can have the children, grandparents etc?
Could you get a babysitter just for the evening, so you and the g/f can go to the restaurant and gig, then it's just the hotel that is wasted.
It's a tough spot as I see both sides. Not wanting to waste the money, but the woman perceiving what your priority is.
I had a slightly similar thing recently, got a new thing going with this girl (she's a lot younger than me, so it's not that serious) and I had booked a day at a spa for the two of us which was £130. The w/e before we had a tiff and she then stubbornly refused to go. So the day before I activated my POF account, a couple of hours later got messaged by a local woman, chatted for a bit and invited her to spa, which she accepted.
Not that I'm suggesting that's an option
Could you get a babysitter just for the evening, so you and the g/f can go to the restaurant and gig, then it's just the hotel that is wasted.
It's a tough spot as I see both sides. Not wanting to waste the money, but the woman perceiving what your priority is.
I had a slightly similar thing recently, got a new thing going with this girl (she's a lot younger than me, so it's not that serious) and I had booked a day at a spa for the two of us which was £130. The w/e before we had a tiff and she then stubbornly refused to go. So the day before I activated my POF account, a couple of hours later got messaged by a local woman, chatted for a bit and invited her to spa, which she accepted.
Not that I'm suggesting that's an option
Tough one, I can see her point but she should be mature enough to understand the situation and be happy for you to have a night out that's already paid for, I get the feeling if you obey her wishes now she'll sulk to get her own way in the future