Caporegime
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So what advices do you suggest?
The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
- Thread starter mattyprice4004
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So what advices do you suggest?
Probably be Alpha and treat her like a second class citizen...
He needs to be honest with her, if she's getting out of shape, smells due to personal hygiene and has lost self-confidence there are ways and means she can improve and he should be putting the dread there that if things don't change he may be outta there.
She won't do anything if he just accepts her behaviour and continues providing and trying for her with nothing in return.
She won't do anything if he just accepts her behaviour and continues providing and trying for her with nothing in return.
To be honest it sounds like she may well already be well aware of this and that may be exactly why she's distancing herself from her other half.
While a lot of the things in this thread can be answered with "**** them off" due to the fact they're basically non relationships to start with, actual relationships involving kids especially need some give and take rather than storming in with both boots.
Caporegime
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He's not exactly getting nothing in return, he has a devoted mother to his children. The poor lass has a chronic illness, a stoma, two kids and what sounds like a bit of a man-child.
He is at the bottom betaisation process. The end of the good times and the start of the bad times. I don't know the case personally but at this stage she even stops common courtesy towards him. She starts seeing him less, cutting off any remaining sex she is giving him. She might start actively going out with her family or/and friends instead of seeing him (****olding him). She might insinuate affairs to emotionally affect him. She might treat him like a child. She might start cutting into his personal time, stopping him from doing things independent from her.
Anything you see in a stereotypical bad marriage is symbolised by this area on the curve.
Solution? None, he is screwed to put it family friendly, All he can do is fight her attempts to disrespect him, in an effort to slow down their increase in severity.
If he wants the good times back, he has to go and find another woman. For sure do not marry her thinking it will make things better, she will simply use the marriage to weaken him socially and financially to move him even further along the curve.
Luckily I have never been this far down a curve, and I never intend to be.
and another attack on him when he is the neglected one.
Caporegime
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I'm just going to bow out now before you suggest lamping her a few times to let her know who's boss.
He also has to put up with someone who seems completely disinterested in him. They're women who live with far greater issues and don't treat the father of their kids who actually wants to be in their lives like he doesn't exist.
Sounds like to me she always wanted to get out the relationship and was looking for reasons.
Regarding the Fiancee, 2 kids and the mother in law, the problem here is they are not just her kids and you need to put a foot down regarding decision making and follow through with it (test for tomato, insist it is done at the next meal) and use it as an example of how you are not always included in the decision making. Also the MIL is a problem, you need to talk to her to either back you up and take both the kids off you for an evening to allow you some time together or witness how posessive she is being with your kids, or for her to stop helping out for a week so your partner has to turn to you for validation of her actions. It doesn't matter what action you take as you will be seen as the bad parent/partner but you either need the MIL on your side or further away.
Parenting isn't easy at all.
We have 1 child which is 1 year and another which is 5 {going on 15!}. wife works nights 2 times a week so some weeks we barely see each other. Sex can sometimes dwingle we manage atm around 1 a week if were lucky, and I think from experience from having no kids and being in the sheets to having 1 or 2 kids dramatically changes the dynamic of the relationship.
as any couple we argue around finances, I have issues with social media because she rarely puts her phone down and you work all week and she's on her mobile all night can pee me off, but I bet 90% of couples have the same issue, and her lack of effort in making time for us but I guess that's part of parent-hood.
We have 1 child which is 1 year and another which is 5 {going on 15!}. wife works nights 2 times a week so some weeks we barely see each other. Sex can sometimes dwingle we manage atm around 1 a week if were lucky, and I think from experience from having no kids and being in the sheets to having 1 or 2 kids dramatically changes the dynamic of the relationship.
as any couple we argue around finances, I have issues with social media because she rarely puts her phone down and you work all week and she's on her mobile all night can pee me off, but I bet 90% of couples have the same issue, and her lack of effort in making time for us but I guess that's part of parent-hood.
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Soldato
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**** to mouth?! saucy!
Our can honestly say our intimacy is at our lowest point, just suggested a romantic night and all she said was "I don't mind" suggested a hot bath ect... it's like a chore to her.
that's why I don't really bother making the effort, it seems she's only wants my attention whens she's after one thing, which is irregular.
Any mature suggestions?
You simply can't make someone want that if they won't even try.
Stories on here really really make me more resistive to kids. Not just here but in general.
If all else fails without kids you can go no contact, move on, etc.
Throw kids it just gets nasty, kills romance.
You'll get tires of trying as one person can only try so much.
What is a relationship if it's dull and intimacy is dead? Sounds like just a burden to me
Did it go down hill dramatically after kids and was OK before?
Soldato
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Sorry!
She might be feeling the same as you, sit her down one evening, tell her you find her sexy and you'd like to work at being more intimate but you feel she isn't too interested, tell her it makes you feel rejected and unattractive but that you'd like to work on things. It can take time to reignite that flame!
She might be feeling the same as you, sit her down one evening, tell her you find her sexy and you'd like to work at being more intimate but you feel she isn't too interested, tell her it makes you feel rejected and unattractive but that you'd like to work on things. It can take time to reignite that flame!
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Possible but i dont think that was the case as she could have walked back then before that. Things happen for a reason as they say....
Im trying my best to put it right though
Which is why marriage rates and birth rates are falling. It's just not worth it nowadays. There is very little in it for most men (or women probably too). I've been married with kids a long time but when I hear that a friend or colleague is getting married I congratulate them but inwardly mutter to myself "naive fool".
Do you look after your own body?
It works both ways if she doesn't find you attractive then it's difficult for her to act without that.