The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

malachi said:
I can give you a small tip. Drop and I mean DROP the emotional baggage. What are you doing still talking to your ex's?!?!?! You don't have a reason to unless you have kids with them.

No one wants to date a person who still keeps in touch with their ex's even as friends. If I still kept in touch with any of my ex's then I wouldn't expect any to woman to take me seriously.
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I genuinely try! The problem is our community is small here. I have distanced myself from all of them and rarely see them. The holiday was just poor timing and unfortunate that we all decided on the same location really.

I try to not date people at work for obvious reasons... but that means the field is narrowed a bit.
 
I guess as an ex pat the general community and pool of people he socialises/works with is much smaller than normal and therefore it's going to be almost impossible to totally avoid them.
 
Ayahuasca said:
What do you mean you genuinely try? Just cut contact, remove their numbers and facebook etc etc.
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I try to avoid them at all costs. We have so many mutual friends it's difficult to cut it entirely like that.

tom_e said:
I guess as an ex pat the general community and pool of people he socialises/works with is much smaller than normal and therefore it's going to be almost impossible to totally avoid them.
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Exactly this! There's only so many places to go socialising and I'm very good friends with some of her circle. If I could cut ties I would definitely do so. But removing all contact would just make things too awkward.
 
Out of the blue, and after 6 years my ex added me on Facebook. She cheated on before, and I found out after someone told me, happened with a previous ex too, so you know things are going well for me!

No idea what caused her to add me, she wants to meet in town. I don't have the best relationships, or social skills at all due to mental health. I don't "feel" emotion, love etc are just not there. Everyones just a friend really. I don't know what to do, has a kid. Or 2.

What do I do..?
 
digitalx said:
Out of the blue, and after 6 years my ex added me on Facebook. She cheated on before, and I found out after someone told me, happened with a previous ex too, so you know things are going well for me!

No idea what caused her to add me, she wants to meet in town. I don't have the best relationships, or social skills at all due to mental health. I don't "feel" emotion, love etc are just not there. Everyones just a friend really. I don't know what to do, has a kid. Or 2.

What do I do..?
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Un-add her and never think of her again.

Exes are exes for a reason.
 
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It's not exactly surprising, there's a lot of men that say things start going south straight after marriage.

I really don't see the need for marriage but I'm as cynical as it comes towards it.
 
Hades said:
Wow that letter is good (speaking as a married 47 year old man with kids myself). Anyone considering marriage should read it.
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TBF, this is the story of a man who's marriage is failing and he doesn't know how to fix it. Reading the story, he married quickly and the cracks started showing early. There are other "letters to" that include women in the same situation.

Marriage isn't some magical thing that makes you happy all the time. You both have to work at it and make compromise and commitments. Both parties have to put into it in order to get the benefits. Both women and men can fail to make it work.
 
RoboCod said:
Are you unhappily married?
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No. We have our good times and bad like anyone else (married 16 years and been together for 24). But that story echos what I see with a large number of friends and family. Such similar stories that, for whatever reason, whether due to either party, it seems to me that the chances of a successful marriage in today's society are too low to make it worth the risk. Obviously others will feel differently :)
 
Hades said:
No. We have our good times and bad like anyone else (married 16 years and been together for 24). But that story echos what I see with a large number of friends and family. Such similar stories that, for whatever reason, whether due to either party, it seems to me that the chances of a successful marriage in today's society are too low to make it worth the risk. Obviously others will feel differently :)
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I've been with my GF for over 6 yrs now, living together for over 2 and both very happy. Most of our friends have married and had children, almost all of them then go on to query us when we're going to do it.

We're happy, so why risk not being happy? Mind you, on the flip side we've been together this long, what really can change with a piece of legal paper bonding us together? Some people have stated it makes for financial stability though, but that doesn't make sense to me. We're stable as it is and my life insurance/will/etc has her named as beneficiary. I fail to see what else it would bring? I guess it's just the done thing isn't it? I know she'd like to do it.... wimmin, hmph!
 
Been with girlfriend 22 years, got my ribs smashed in and ear nearly ripped off for not putting 5 tins of soup away. :rolleyes:

The joys of life... lol :D
 
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