I've broken my life.

If you think there's any chance of keeping the relationship, even if some things have got to change (and some people have pointed out some things which seem to need to change), have you considered a couple's therapist? Sometimes having an outside influence can shift change, and both sides can be more open and honest. At the very least then you both know you tried if there wasn't anything left to salvage.
Since there's kids involved, it seems worth the effort.
 
Sounds like 'Grass is Greener' syndrome to me. I've been there maybe not in exactly the same situation you might be in but one where I felt like the 'Spark' was missing. I was just upfront about it with her and we worked through it did some different things etc re-ignited the spark.
TBH couldn't be happier now, I'm glad I stayed and worked things out.

I think what you need to do is figure out if you do still have feelings for her. Imagine your life without her.. not the kids or the mother just her.
Once You've figured that out you need to sort the other bits that may be creating the hole. Mother living with you etc.

The ball is in your hands. Good luck, hope it all works out.
 
People saying OP needs to stop being selfish and think of the children, OP is already paying the mortgage and providing the money to be shared between partner and partner's mother! He moved out and isn't kicking up over the house which is pretty selfless in my eyes.
 
Move back in and remind them if they want you out then you cant afford it all. Just ignore the missis and mum for now. Live at home see your kids and when they are in bed or at school then find a hobby/go to the pub whatever your thing is. Just be nice about it all for the kids sake.
 
oh and make some of that spare money disappear - sometimes when everything is provided on a plate people expect and generally cant be bothered. It'll be a gentle reminder of your part in this setup
 
Solicitor now - for your own benefit and the financial future of your kids.

No matter how reasonable you think you are being, a solicitor will advise you best.

You've already said that you have moved out and had a relation with someone else - handing good grounds for divorce to your missus, and with kids involved - kiss goodbye to your house .
 
I'm struggling with some of the comments here saying romance should take a back seat when the kids arrive, not a chance... Being a family unit means the parents should be in a close romantic relationship. Wether that means having some quality time when the kids are asleep, going out for dinner etc etc.

I weep inside when I see parents who've just given up on their relationship and exist unhappily but solely for the kids.

Don't have kids if you're going to be unhappy, you'll just bring them up around your miserable existence.

OP: Very difficult situation, sorry to put it bluntly but you shouldn't have had anymore kids if you felt the marriage was on the downward, it was always going to get harder with every pregnancy.. That being said, can't turn back the clock, I'm sure you're glad to have the children now and watching them grow will be a delight. Try to bring some feelings back into the relationship, make an effort to patch things. If it doesn't work you should move on like you originally intended.
 
shifty_uk said:
I weep inside when I see parents who've just given up on their relationship and exist unhappily but solely for the kids.

Don't have kids if you're going to be unhappy, you'll just bring them up around your miserable existence.
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I've seen some incredibly damaged people (whose parent did it) due to it - outwardly seem ok but really aren't and often struggle with relationships of their own because of it - the parents often don't even realise until many years later.
 
Rroff said:
I've seen some incredibly damaged people (whose parent did it) due to it - outwardly seem ok but really aren't and often struggle with relationships of their own because of it - the parents often don't even realise until many years later.
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Exactly, my mum stayed with my abusive, alcoholic cheating dad because she believed that parents should stay together no matter what. It taught me and both my siblings all the wrong lessons about what a normal relationship should look like.

She's thankfully now in the process of divorcing him, shame it's come 20 years too late.
 
I don't know what to say mate...

She sounds like from the way you described it secured herself with having 4 kids.

You are literally ****ed... you leave the house and she will get it.

You CAN't Leave the house under no circumstances.

If you do not only will you lose that but you will be paying every penny you have to this woman for a long time.

Get a solicitor immediately, nothing we say here is going to help you.
 
You left your pregnant wife and had an affair and are now feeling sorry for yourself? Am I reading this correctly?

And it's not your life you've broken, it's your family's life you're breaking.
 
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