The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
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Those who have broken up with your fiancees/wives/girlfriends and its been amicable (in a sense that the break up was caused by a change in feelings, not someone doing the dirty) how do you act around your ex when you see them?
My ex is still in the process of moving her things out but has been living at her mums for the past 10 days or so. I get really anxious when I know i'm going to see her and don't know how to act. I thought I was doing OK for a while and had said to friends I actually don't feel as bad as I thought but I had a rubbish day yesterday which I guess will be like that for a while, but on the whole I do feel pretty good.
My only problem is the more I process our situation and think into the what ifs and what could I have done differently or what went wrong or what needed to change the more I actually get angrier about how things turned out because she wasn't willing to work it out in the end and I don't feel like i've got a proper answer. I don't want to be a knob with her but similarly i'm still completely heartbroken. I feel like acting all nicey and civil is just lying to myself but then I don't want to come across as a hopeless mess if i'm moping about and again I don't want to be unnecessarily angry or short or horrible to her.
Seriously messing with my karma man!
My ex is still in the process of moving her things out but has been living at her mums for the past 10 days or so. I get really anxious when I know i'm going to see her and don't know how to act. I thought I was doing OK for a while and had said to friends I actually don't feel as bad as I thought but I had a rubbish day yesterday which I guess will be like that for a while, but on the whole I do feel pretty good.
My only problem is the more I process our situation and think into the what ifs and what could I have done differently or what went wrong or what needed to change the more I actually get angrier about how things turned out because she wasn't willing to work it out in the end and I don't feel like i've got a proper answer. I don't want to be a knob with her but similarly i'm still completely heartbroken. I feel like acting all nicey and civil is just lying to myself but then I don't want to come across as a hopeless mess if i'm moping about and again I don't want to be unnecessarily angry or short or horrible to her.
Seriously messing with my karma man!
ROSSI. I think i am in the same situation as you. In the matter of 2 weeks we were initially looking to buy a house in Scotland move jobs and everything to its now over. I have known her for 15 years and married for 11 no kids only 4 cats. She is currently living in Scotland as per our phased life move plan but I think living alone up there changed her feelings for me. I'm trying to be amicable and she wants to be friends still but I am absolutely devastated and heartbroken. She didn't give me any chance to rectify the situation or counselling or anything. There is no one else involved either side.
She is coming to stay with me at our house in London in 2 weeks. I'm not sure how to act either do I shake hands or hug it will be hard to change automatic actions.
She is coming to stay with me at our house in London in 2 weeks. I'm not sure how to act either do I shake hands or hug it will be hard to change automatic actions.
Sounds very similar to my breakup and I went through the same things. Even now over 2 years later if I see her or hear about her my heart skips a beat. It's so frustrating.
Unlucky fella
How much longer was she planning on being in Malaysia? 3 weeks together in 8 months is hard though
At least 2 years (from last August). We considered me moving out with her in the August coming provided I could find an IT job there.
Yeah it was hard. Like R.o.s.s.i above I am now just wondering what I could have done differently but it's hard to be spontaneous and keep a spark when you're separated by several thousand miles and an 8 hour time difference.
Currently just going through the motions. Saying and then believing I'm fine then I see any of our holiday snaps or cards we have sent one another and I turn into a babbling self pitying mess! Luckily Zelda kept my mind occupied most of yesterday but waking up this morning without talking to her was tough.
There's no remedy like time.
Its really weird as I want to be amicable and friendly with her but the reality is now we only talk when it is something to do with the house or practical things that need doing to process the split. She will occasionally send me an email at work or a WhatsApp saying I should check out such and such a person's CD or mix as i'd really like it and I don't know how to react. I don't want to ignore her but then I don't want to go balls deep into full convos with her about stuff, its messing with my head just how OK and normal she is acting.
It's hard when your best friend just isn't there anymore but similarly I'm kinda feeling more and more like I don't know her anymore and I don't have anything much to say to her.
Yeh. That's what i'm afraid of, just not being able to get over her. I've no idea how she has been feeling about all of this and how long it will take her to move on either.
Same here mate. I feel like I am doing OK during the week and Zelda has been keeping my mind occupied for the time being but i'm finding the hardest times of days to be in the evening as you would expect when we would both be home and chatting and talking about the wedding and making plans etc. Everything just feels empty and whilst I've got plenty of friends who would do anything for me, I still feel so alone. Theres loads of pictures of us both up around the house too which I took down at one point and binned but I ended up putting them back up as it made everything feel so bare. I need to find some different pics to replace them with.
Fill the bike up, head to Wales, dodge the suicide sheep and enjoy.
Yeah it sucks, it takes time... lots of time!
Yeah I considered throwing away our photos but thought better of it. I've got a giant A1 poster that has lots of photos of us in various places that I need to take down but I can't bring myself to do it. And I feel the same. I went around some close friends last night to chill out, order a pizza and watch a film but I was probably rubbish company as I was miles away in my head. Probably didn't help that they're like the epitome of a cool couple. Proper best mates. It was like rubbing salt in the wound!
I'll be fixing my bike this weekend and that is the first thing I plan to do!
Seems facetime was in demand yesterday as that's how i found out also.
I had a feeling something was up though. She mentioned not being happy and feeling alone last week and since then she was acting very distant and not telling me much. Then when the camera started up and I saw her on the sofa hugging a pillow I knew what was about to go down.
Why is she coming to stay with you? If she has decided to end it then it may be easier to suggest she stay elsewhere during that time rather than tear your heart out for two weeks.
Is it still her house too?
Is attempting to bang after a first tinder date a bit cheeky?
I don't want to push my luck - I'm not dating just for the bang - would like to go on more than one date and see where it goes, but would also like to bang if possible.
I don't want to push my luck - I'm not dating just for the bang - would like to go on more than one date and see where it goes, but would also like to bang if possible.
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You can attempt it. Maybe see what the chemistry is on the actual date first.
Of course. My last tinder date seemed to go well, we both got a bit touchy feely but i didn't go for the bang because i thought i would be pushing my luck but then i got told I should have gone for it!
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Was the date the one who told you this? If so, unlucky!
No it was my mates, would have been gutted if she said it haha!Was the date the one who told you this? If so, unlucky!
This only seems to be a problem for me because I know i'm looking for more, if I just want to bang and nothing else I just go for it without a second thought
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This only seems to be a problem for me because I know i'm looking for more, if I just want to bang and nothing else I just go for it without a second thought
If you are looking for more I'd recommend against it, however as said, maybe just test the chemistry when you meet.
I had my first ever meet from Tinder last Friday. She's Finnish and came to London for the weekend... We both kinda already knew what was going to happen as our conversations on whatsapp were 90% flirting! Stayed the night at her hotel... And yesterday evening went to see her again for another few rounds. I've never met anyone who likes sex as much as her
Anyway point is before the date make sure you flirt to see how she responds. And on the date make sure you use physical contact so she becomes comfortable with your touch. You should kiss her at a minimum on the first date.
I still miss my ex that I finished with 8 months ago like crazy, meaningless sex doesn't help
It's perfectly OK to not reply to these types of messages, you're going through a tough emotional time and you don't need to pretend to be happy or reply to certain text messages if you don't know or want too. If she asks why you ignored them you can explain the situation is difficult for you right now and things are still raw in your head. We all have different coping mechanisms she could be sending these texts as a means for her own coping, it doesn't mean you need to respond to them.
IMO it's better to remove the photos now rather than later, the relationship is over and seeing images of happy times with someone that has now passed is going to hurt you emotionally every time you see it. You don't need to remove the frames, just the pictures.
Your friends won't be upset if you weren't great company, they understand thing's aren't easy for you and are happy to just be there for you. That's what friends are for.