The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

I admire anyone that can make a LDR work. Did a couple, one for two years with about 300 miles between us but it just ended up fizzling out. It's funny because not seeing each other so much can keep things feeling fresh for a while as you have loads to catch up on. Always feels like it can work but in the end it's more work than many expect.

Even over the river would be too far for me these days!
 
In my experience relationships are hard enough without the added barrier of not being able to spend time together on a regular basis. Plus there's all sorts of trust issues, distractions and temptations that will creep in for both people in the long term. One of the easiest relationships I had was where the girl lived on the next street, it failed for other reasons but the logistical considerations of being able to see each other regularly in a relationship are underrated. Driving 30 minutes might not be be a big deal early on, but if there's a bit of stress in a relationship already then a 1 hour round trip suddenly becomes an obstacle.
 
I'd avoid anything that is significant hassle myself, especially at the outset. If distance crept into a relationship (ie someone moves for a job) that's different. But still I'd need to know that that wasn't going to be for long.
 
I think the only way long distance relationships work is if you are both very independent and self contained, if you see each other fairly often (like almost every weekend), and you can see a light at the end of the tunnel when you can actually be together. Everything else puts the relationship on a clock until both parties drift apart, find someone else, or just wonder what's the point in being in a relationship where you're never together.

A lot of the time you feel in limbo or worse miserable because you're not with your loved one, and then when you are together it's all about manically spending time and doing things because you've got a couple of days of togetherness/happyness. The only way to cope when they are not there ends up learning to not care so much, learning to not want to be with the absent partner, not to feel alone or unhappy, and from there it's only a short step to deciding you don't need that person after all. Especially more so if you're meeting other people and getting attracted to them as per manic111. That person you meet starts to fill the empty emotional and physical space left by your absent partner.
 
In a way, it seems to have worked better with the relationship "starting" as long distance. She already had this job by the time we met (although was home for around a month at the time), and we both knew that she'd be going abroad before we committed to each other. We've agreed that when her current project ends in late September she's going to look for jobs, and I believe she's being honest when she says she will - she's already got some meetings etc set up with contacts, and she's a real family girl - she's got no intention of being away from them long term. I feel like the relationship deserves until then to have her come back and try something less long distance, but if it doesn't work out on her job front I think we'll find it hard to keep it going.

The other thing, though, as Permachanged said, is that she could come back and it could all fall apart - it's going to be such a different atmosphere when we can see each other frequently.
 
I did try bumble for a bit but have got no where, I will say I need some better pictures for starters so I will give it break for a bit.
 
fredwi said:
I did try bumble for a bit but have got no where, I will say I need some better pictures for starters so I will give it break for a bit.
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i am having no luck with bumble or tinder

this whole thing with the girl i posted about earlier has done me in a bit, its not that im overly bothered about her because im not really its just im pretty sick of being messed about, it wouldnt be so bad if i had some dates lined up but i have zero. any matches i do get dont reply anyway or if they do its only once. im not a 10/10 by any means but i reckon most wouild say a solid 7 and its not like im aiming for 10s either.

im left feeling a bit down after splitting with my ex in december, the girl from above filled the gap briefly but it was only a short thing, if im honest im missing the weekend days out and the company of being with someone, i dont have a massive group of friends either and they are all taken so going out is even harder.
 
elh_2009 said:
im left feeling a bit down after splitting with my ex in december, the girl from above filled the gap briefly but it was only a short thing, if im honest im missing the weekend days out and the company of being with someone, i dont have a massive group of friends either and they are all taken so going out is even harder.
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Have you thought about joining a club and/or taking up a new hobby?

I'm actually feeling the opposite to you, after splitting up with the ex I am quite enjoying single life!
 
sigma said:
Have you thought about joining a club and/or taking up a new hobby?

I'm actually feeling the opposite to you, after splitting up with the ex I am quite enjoying single life!
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yeah but i dont really know what club to join, im 32 and i was fine but this stuff with the girl has just made me think about everything and i dunno what to do lol.
 
elh_2009 said:
yeah but i dont really know what club to join, im 32 and i was fine but this stuff with the girl has just made me think about everything and i dunno what to do lol.
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Just pick one that looks interesting. If you want one to possibly meet women at you could always try a... dance club or a local theater. Perhaps join a running club? Lots of options!
 
sigma said:
Just pick one that looks interesting. If you want one to possibly meet women at you could always try a... dance club or a local theater. Perhaps join a running club? Lots of options!
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i have the movement of a rock haha, i thought about a running club

on a side note the girl i spoke about is refusing to answer my messages, should i just be blocking and removing from all social media now? as she is clearly a messer
 
elh_2009 said:
i have the movement of a rock haha, i thought about a running club

on a side note the girl i spoke about is refusing to answer my messages, should i just be blocking and removing from all social media now? as she is clearly a messer
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Yes; remove, block, delete. Get rid ASAP.
 
elh_2009 said:
yeah but i dont really know what club to join, im 32 and i was fine but this stuff with the girl has just made me think about everything and i dunno what to do lol.
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. Have you looked up the meetup website?

It's where I met my gf and friends.

After my ex split up with me I had zero friends. And also tried but gave up with Internet dating after being messed around. I'm 31, was broke up with about 2 years ago so not too dissimilar to you. If was the lonely weekends that were the worst.

I've been with her 1 and a half years now.
 
elh_2009 said:
i have the movement of a rock haha, i thought about a running club

on a side note the girl i spoke about is refusing to answer my messages, should i just be blocking and removing from all social media now? as she is clearly a messer
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If you're in London and you run, come to Midnight Runners (find it on Facebook) on Tuesday. Really fun group of people, although it's been getting a bit too busy lately now that the weather is warming up!
 
413x said:
. Have you looked up the meetup website?

It's where I met my gf and friends.

After my ex split up with me I had zero friends. And also tried but gave up with Internet dating after being messed around. I'm 31, was broke up with about 2 years ago so not too dissimilar to you. If was the lonely weekends that were the worst.

I've been with her 1 and a half years now.
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Jesus, has it already been that long? I remember your initial break-up posts and clear signs of depression afterwards :o 18 months... wow!
 
Don't know what to do :( really have a major crush on a neighbour that I have liked for a long time. It's difficult circumstances and a very delicate situation (she is single but has had a tough time over the last 6 months. We speak quite a bit. There are signs there that she potentially likes me but I am not sure . I can't rush in to this particular situation. I am not sure what to do, but at the same time I don't want to waste opportunity if something could happen.

Another thing is face to face im getting on well. It's over txt when I become bad at this sometimes. I'm rubbish at txting
 
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413x said:
. Have you looked up the meetup website?

It's where I met my gf and friends.

After my ex split up with me I had zero friends. And also tried but gave up with Internet dating after being messed around. I'm 31, was broke up with about 2 years ago so not too dissimilar to you. If was the lonely weekends that were the worst.

I've been with her 1 and a half years now.
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whats the meetup website? yeah its the weekends, i go watch football but the season is pretty much done now so they are going to be even worse
 
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