The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

thedinks said:
Wife of 10 years cheated on me. We have 2 kids. I came home from france the Sunday before last and found the most disgusting texts between her and her boyfriend I have ever seen. He'd been round the house whilst I was in France :( tried to overdose and ended up in hospital. A week on its still crap. Living at my mum and dads now with daily visits from the mental health team.
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shoiuld be illegal to cheat when your married that is horrible for your family
 
mossi123uk said:
been with the same girl now for 10 years!
times are getting hard tho we have kids and she has developed disabilities that make her sleepy a lot and even touching her gently can hurt her
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That must be rough, what condition is that if you don't mind me asking? (And excuse my naivety if it's pretty obvious).

mossi123uk said:
shoiuld be illegal to cheat when your married that is horrible for your family
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Better still, it should be illegal to marry.

But thank God we don't live in that society.
 
Sorry to hear that, just goes to show you don't have a clue how people will end up years down the line, I couldn't imagine ever committing suicide but it must be daunting to realise you've now got to support her and the kids whilst she faces no consequences for her actions and you'll be worse off financially and on spending time with them. Absolute joke of a system tbh.

A poor question but how did you come across the texts?
 
wingman said:
That must be rough, what condition is that if you don't mind me asking? (And excuse my naivety if it's pretty obvious).



Better still, it should be illegal to marry.

But thank God we don't live in that society.
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since giving birth she has a lot of problems,

rheumatoid arthritis

bulging disc

Colitis


loads of other stuff, I could touch her gently and she would get a bruise, she is on loads of tablets that knock her out too
 
Ayahuasca said:
Sorry to hear that, just goes to show you don't have a clue how people will end up years down the line, I couldn't imagine ever committing suicide but it must be daunting to realise you've now got to support her and the kids whilst she faces no consequences for her actions and you'll be worse off financially and on spending time with them. Absolute joke of a system tbh.

A poor question but how did you come across the texts?
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She had gone out with the children and I could hear the beeping of emails incoming, found her phone and well..... it was like reading a porn story but worse.

Yes she has effectively made me homeless, and changed our childrens future. It's horrible. There are no consequences for her. Everybody else suffers.
 
2w2fUPe_d.jpg


Had to be posted again.

9 of my mates are now single, divorced or separated. Quite a few tales of woe involved!

These days I'm more keen on doing my sports, hobbies, gaming and spending quality time with friends and family. Think I'm in full-on CBA mode as I haven't bothered with my FWB for a few months. :o

thedinks don't do anything silly. You need to push through it for your kids. Wishing you all the best buddy.
 
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thedinks said:
Wife of 10 years cheated on me. We have 2 kids. I came home from france the Sunday before last and found the most disgusting texts between her and her boyfriend I have ever seen. He'd been round the house whilst I was in France :( tried to overdose and ended up in hospital. A week on its still crap. Living at my mum and dads now with daily visits from the mental health team.
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Sorry to hear that, this is one of the worst things you can go through. Especially if there are kids. The good news is you are still here. It might not seem it now, but she has done you a favour by showing you her true self. Spend this time at your parents recovering your mental state and being kind to yourself. Whatever thoughts are going through your head, remember that you deserve to live a happy and fulfilling life. Your kids do too - it is your responsibility to give them this.

In the meantime, here are a few things to think about:

  • Be kind to yourself. See your closest friends, go for walks in the sun. Make a routine for your day.
  • Documentation/timeline of events. Hopefully not needed but may come in handy incase courts get involved down the line.
  • Lawyer, divorce prep. You can always stop the divorce down the road if you want. It's likely she is still in the FOG about this situation. Getting divorce paperwork through will rapidly change that and it will may also make you feel more in control. Give her something to react to.
  • Be careful about what you read online. It is easy to spend a lot of time reading about this kind of thing. Often it only makes you feel worse. Sometimes the advice can be downright bad.
  • Venting is healthy, but don't overshare with people. This is too easy to do. If you need to vent/rage consider taking it online or writing it in a diary/book.
Events like this can make even the most stable people a complete mess. There is no shame in this. Over time you will shift your perception from victim into survivor. Take small steps. Focus on the little things, like cooking a meal for your parents etc.

For what it's worth, you have my support on here!
 
Some really really sad tales in this page. The disabled wife and the 10yr + kid relationship down the drain.

I can totally see why people stay single now. Especially men.

Kids seen to make anything like this worse
 
Narj said:
2w2fUPe_d.jpg


Had to be posted again.

9 of my mates are now single, divorced or separated. Quite a few tales of woe involved!

These days I'm more keen on doing my sports, hobbies, gaming and spending quality time with friends and family. Think I'm in full-on CBA mode as I haven't bothered with my FWB for a few months. :o

thedinks don't do anything silly. You need to push through it for your kids. Wishing you all the best buddy.
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Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Painfully accurate. A few friends went through exactly that timeline.....
 
thedinks said:
Wife of 10 years cheated on me. We have 2 kids. I came home from france the Sunday before last and found the most disgusting texts between her and her boyfriend I have ever seen. He'd been round the house whilst I was in France :( tried to overdose and ended up in hospital. A week on its still crap. Living at my mum and dads now with daily visits from the mental health team.
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Dont lose the house!
 
thedinks said:
She had gone out with the children and I could hear the beeping of emails incoming, found her phone and well..... it was like reading a porn story but worse.

Yes she has effectively made me homeless, and changed our childrens future. It's horrible. There are no consequences for her. Everybody else suffers.
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Why did you leave the house? Are the kids really young? 1/2? Or old enough to realise what's happened?
 
I left the house to well you know....die. She changed the locks on the house the next day :/ while I was in hospital. My friend went to get some of my clothes and said if he didn't know what had happened he'd swear I did the dirty on her and kicked crap out of her minus the bruises. She told the police I was armed and threatened her mum!! I haven't seen her or my children for 3 weeks tomorrow. My father in law has been good with me said I didn't threaten his wife and not to worry about that. Children are 4 and 7. So the elder one is aware that I'm not coming back, I didn't tell him she did.

Yes I started a diary of everything more for me to look back at really, chart my progress.

Just to clarify when she came home she'd seen I'd taken all the pills from the house, so phoned the police and they found me at my mum and dads (currently on holiday) and they called an ambulance.
 
thedinks said:
I left the house to well you know....die. She changed the locks on the house the next day :/ while I was in hospital. My friend went to get some of my clothes and said if he didn't know what had happened he'd swear I did the dirty on her and kicked crap out of her minus the bruises. She told the police I was armed and threatened her mum!! I haven't seen her or my children for 3 weeks tomorrow. My father in law has been good with me said I didn't threaten his wife and not to worry about that. Children are 4 and 7. So the elder one is aware that I'm not coming back, I didn't tell him she did.

Yes I started a diary of everything more for me to look back at really, chart my progress.

Just to clarify when she came home she'd seen I'd taken all the pills from the house, so phoned the police and they found me at my mum and dads (currently on holiday) and they called an ambulance.
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You also need that diary for the coming **** storm - you need a record of that (very nasty) lie that she has told, I hope you asked the Police to speak to her father?

That will go as evidence that you're fit to be a father to your children whereas she is of questionable mindset...

Also, next time you think you need to do some thing extreme, stop and then post on here, let it all out somehow - this place is surprisingly helpful at times :)
 
sigma said:
You also need that diary for the coming **** storm - you need a record of that (very nasty) lie that she has told, I hope you asked the Police to speak to her father?

That will go as evidence that you're fit to be a father to your children whereas she is of questionable mindset...
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This, you need to start collecting evidence my good sir, just a notebook, pictures, whatever.... just in case.

Also wow at her changing locks like that.... cheats does that to you then that? sickening... honestly.
 
She won't even talk to me. Not even by email. I've had to ask my son to ask her (over psn) if my father in law can pick some clothes up for me. :/

Thankyou for your kind words and advice.
 
This thread encompasses so much. Wishing personal strength to all those hurting and fighting.

I'm 33, single, no kids and with a very real fear of ending up alone yet equally baffled by the prospect of spending, say, the next forty years partnered with one person.

Should probably just stop thinking too much... I do my own head in, don't need a wife to do it for me! :P
 
Daftbrown said:
This thread encompasses so much. Wishing personal strength to all those hurting and fighting.

I'm 33, single, no kids and with a very real fear of ending up alone yet equally baffled by the prospect of spending, say, the next forty years partnered with one person.

Should probably just stop thinking too much... I do my own head in, don't need a wife to do it for me! :p
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Im a couple years younger and in exactly the same position!

I ended things with my most recent ex as the thought of being with 1 person for the rest of my life..quite simply scared me. Just too many hot things about that when I see I have an urge to 'experience' :D

But at the same time I know if I carry on with this way of thinking I will probably end up alone..and definitely don't want that! Yea I'm a big thinker too :p
 
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