The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
- Thread starter mattyprice4004
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It's the modern man quandary. There was this comment on reddit which is spot on for today's man, essentially choose either a life of servitude or a life of loneliness.
The problem with marriage these days is it's not really like it was in the traditional sense. You were generally young, she was a virgin, you had decades of good sex, support from both families, you stayed together till death, marriage was important for both your security and you lived a life of servitude. Today you pretty much only get the latter!
For all the good that feminism brought, it also wrecked the family unit and marriage. Pfft, silly women and demanding equality
The problem with marriage these days is it's not really like it was in the traditional sense. You were generally young, she was a virgin, you had decades of good sex, support from both families, you stayed together till death, marriage was important for both your security and you lived a life of servitude. Today you pretty much only get the latter!
For all the good that feminism brought, it also wrecked the family unit and marriage. Pfft, silly women and demanding equality
Indeed, it means nothing in this day and age and when women push for it or express their want to get married it turns me off them right away. You do not need a ring and a piece of paper to convince someone you love them and at times I question whether love is actually legitimate or just an in the moment feeling when one partner does something good for the other, as we've all been in that situation where one moment it's lovey dovey and the next you can't even get a text back and the doors locked.
That being said there are people in relationships I know who just seem to get on really well like best friends would, it seems effortless almost but you never know what people are hiding and what goes on behind their house door. If people can cover up depression and portray themselves as happy then it's not difficult for someone to do so just being in a relationship they don't enjoy.
That being said there are people in relationships I know who just seem to get on really well like best friends would, it seems effortless almost but you never know what people are hiding and what goes on behind their house door. If people can cover up depression and portray themselves as happy then it's not difficult for someone to do so just being in a relationship they don't enjoy.
Did you screenshot any of the messages or emails?
I'd be getting lawyered up and filing for divorce ASAP.
I'm 34 and until recently have been single for nearly 3 years not really wanting a GF but now I ended up with one when I wasn't really looking. She doesn't bring any negatives to my life and I enjoy spending time with her.
Just be you and enjoy life, don't worry about it, it'll either happen or not but the most important thing is that you are happy.
I'd be getting lawyered up and filing for divorce ASAP.
This thread encompasses so much. Wishing personal strength to all those hurting and fighting.
I'm 33, single, no kids and with a very real fear of ending up alone yet equally baffled by the prospect of spending, say, the next forty years partnered with one person.
Should probably just stop thinking too much... I do my own head in, don't need a wife to do it for me!
I'm 34 and until recently have been single for nearly 3 years not really wanting a GF but now I ended up with one when I wasn't really looking. She doesn't bring any negatives to my life and I enjoy spending time with her.
Just be you and enjoy life, don't worry about it, it'll either happen or not but the most important thing is that you are happy.
Yep when I meet someone new and the conversation crops up about what you want out of life, the mention of not wanting children pretty much kills it. In my experience you tend to get:
- Women who want children - may date you but will try to change your mind on the matter
- Women who are "open minded" - read: they will change their mind and want children
- Women who don't want any *more* children - ie: many single mums
- Women who are sane and don't want any at all - these are commonly referred to as "rare as hen's teeth" or "transgender"
A few ladies I've met who didn't want kids were a bit hard-nosed in attitude, extremely career-focused to the exclusion of almost everything else or a bit mental for me. I'm sure that's not the case for all but maybe denying hardwired biological cravings drives some a bit mad.
I'm pretty content with life without much responsibility in all honesty. Not fussed either way about meeting someone - you have to stay open-minded.
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I think the kids discussion in your 30s is a bit of a minefield for both genders.
The idea of having kids terrifies me at the moment and I fully accept that if my view changes on that, I might be too old to have them. I do like my friends's kids but I also really like handing them back afterwards I have enough responsibilities in life as it is.
Recently learned that my ex (who I'm now friends with in a potentially complicated situation) never wants kids, but I've also been on dates where I've said similar to a guy and they've looked at me horrified at the thought I might not want kids. It goes both ways and is a complete mess of a subject to talk about!
The idea of having kids terrifies me at the moment and I fully accept that if my view changes on that, I might be too old to have them. I do like my friends's kids but I also really like handing them back afterwards
I have enough responsibilities in life as it is. Recently learned that my ex (who I'm now friends with in a potentially complicated situation) never wants kids, but I've also been on dates where I've said similar to a guy and they've looked at me horrified at the thought I might not want kids. It goes both ways and is a complete mess of a subject to talk about!
I've never understood why it's discussed so early on in a relationship anyway, should definitely not be a point of discussion on a date in my opinion.
You can't just say you want kids or not, it depends entirely on who you're with, how well you get on once you've lived together for a number of years and what effect having kids will have on your life/career at the age you decide to have them.
You can't just say you want kids or not, it depends entirely on who you're with, how well you get on once you've lived together for a number of years and what effect having kids will have on your life/career at the age you decide to have them.
That's what sensible people do
People that desperately want kids aren't all like that, unfortunately.
I meant younger haha!I've never understood why it's discussed so early on in a relationship anyway, should definitely not be a point of discussion on a date in my opinion.
You can't just say you want kids or not, it depends entirely on who you're with, how well you get on once you've lived together for a number of years and what effect having kids will have on your life/career at the age you decide to have them.
It's fine in early casual conversation but not on a date. I think if you are absolutely sure of your position on something like children, then it's a good thing to be completely honest and set out your stall instead of potentially wasting years of someone's time.
I had this conundrum in a past relationship and I think she was sure she'd change my mind. It understandably all got quite bitter but I think she's happy now as she's had a kid with her partner since. Good for her.
First few dates it's a bit odd to bring it up but I'd rather know earlier than later. To be honest I usually don't like people anyways so never get that far!
I've been asked before I've met them or on first date and that usually rings alarm bells anyways.
I've been asked before I've met them or on first date and that usually rings alarm bells anyways.
Sorry to hear about your situation @thedinks. See a lawyer immediately and get back in the house. It's as much yours as it is hers.
I'm married. We have had good times and bad. But I would never, ever, get married again in the future. When a friend or colleague announces their engagement I grit my teeth and wish them the best. But all the while I'm screaming at them in my head "you have no idea what a foolish mistake you're making!"
I'm married. We have had good times and bad. But I would never, ever, get married again in the future. When a friend or colleague announces their engagement I grit my teeth and wish them the best. But all the while I'm screaming at them in my head "you have no idea what a foolish mistake you're making!"
You also need that diary for the coming **** storm - you need a record of that (very nasty) lie that she has told, I hope you asked the Police to speak to her father?
That will go as evidence that you're fit to be a father to your children whereas she is of questionable mindset...
Also, next time you think you need to do some thing extreme, stop and then post on here, let it all out somehow - this place is surprisingly helpful at times
Tbh the grim reality is he tried to top himself her being hysterical and maybe taking something as a threat is unlikley to sway anyone aeay from that fact.
Only thing anyone will be thinking is the headline "father kills kids them hinself after winning custody"
So you're not happy in your marriage?
Regardless of whether I am or not, I've just seen marriage wreck too many people's lives - family, friends and colleagues. I just don't see that the risk is worth it for either party, but especially the man. It's little more than a legal and financial contract for the poorer partner to leverage the state to enforce.
I used to believe in the fairytale of it all back in my childhood. But now I simply don't see what marriage provides that other forms of relationship can't. But it adds a lot of downsides.
@thedinks
I would get a locksmith, wait till she leaves house then change locks and chuck all her stuff out. Or I would try arrange a diversion where she is out of the house but without the kids. hrmmm tricky. She should be the one who is out not you. You can bet she will be using every dirty trick in the book (indeed her lies is only the beginning).
I would get a locksmith, wait till she leaves house then change locks and chuck all her stuff out. Or I would try arrange a diversion where she is out of the house but without the kids. hrmmm tricky. She should be the one who is out not you. You can bet she will be using every dirty trick in the book (indeed her lies is only the beginning).
This is terrible advice. Unfortunately after the incident with the pills, the police are not going to act favourably on someone taking their kids and locking themselves in the house away from their Mum
I agree he should be back in the house though.