The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Yeh I keep slapping myself when I slip into the 'why don't I feel better yet' mindset, I remind myself it's normal.

Keeping very busy, lucky to have lots of friends and family.

I can't believe how bad POF is now, was like a Jeremy Kyle cast.
 
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malachi said:
So POF is still ful of chav's, young single mum's and oversized females with "average" body types?
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Last time I looked, it wasn't far off. The best bit is all these 'average' females bang on about any potential bloke must be 'fit' or have a six pack etc. The hypocrisy is astounding!

Not sure where to start after breaking up with my ex at the end of Jan and having some 'downtime'. On Tinder, but that seems to be full of single mums, duck-face pouts and instagram cat ears'n'nose(TM) pics in equal measure. So many of the females on there open up on their profile with 'not looking for hook-ups' too; how has it got its' reputation?!
 
Personally I think Internet dating should be thought of as just 'getting back out there'. Nothing I found came to anything nor was were any of the girls I dated worth carrying on with.
 
Beyond getting my end away a few times I found internet dating a complete waste of time and money. I get that it works for some, but not for me.
 
413x said:
Personally I think Internet dating should be thought of as just 'getting back out there'. Nothing I found came to anything nor was were any of the girls I dated worth carrying on with.
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It's just learning to be patient and picking your ladies carefully. Been in 3 spereate relationships over the past 10 years, all of them a product of dating sites/apps. Whilst only one of them has been potentially 'life lasting' (current one), the rest have been almost as worth it and ended as amicably as any others I've had outside of the internet.

The problem is, men are equally as picky as ladies without even knowing it. If there's a girl with even a little bit of extra poundage she's instantly discounted, so we spend the rest of our time chasing these... shall we say largely promiscuous ladies who aren't really interested in any guy who isn't a Tatum lookalike. It's a vicious circle really.
 
JonnyT said:
So many of the females on there open up on their profile with 'not looking for hook-ups' too; how has it got its' reputation?!
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What they really mean is "not looking for hookups unless you're a Chad then I'll be folded over your sofa without you even buying me a drink."

I'd say 90% of people meeting up from a tinder match are looking for casual sex, you've got to maximise your looks and be somewhat photogenic to have much luck at all on there.

DrToffnar said:
The problem is, men are equally as picky as ladies without even knowing it. If there's a girl with even a little bit of extra poundage she's instantly discounted, so we spend the rest of our time chasing these... shall we say largely promiscuous ladies who aren't really interested in any guy who isn't a Tatum lookalike. It's a vicious circle really.
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Men can't afford to be picky on dating apps when 4/10's without makeup/angles/filters are only after the top 20% of men on there.
 
POF lol.

I met a girl on POF with two kids who's ex hubby is a fat lazy sod that left her to stay with his mum because he couldn't cope. Her mum babysits the kids at weekends and we'll go away, she's an animal and loads of fun. I dont spend any time at her place we always go away or to mine.

I don't want to get dragged into anything serious as the hubby is still on the scene, he's been in touch and wants to come home for the kids sake. She doesn't want him back so that's where things are at the moment.
 
Ayahuasca said:
What they really mean is "not looking for hookups unless you're a Chad then I'll be folded over your sofa without you even buying me a drink."

I'd say 90% of people meeting up from a tinder match are looking for casual sex, you've got to maximise your looks and be somewhat photogenic to have much luck at all on there.



Men can't afford to be picky on dating apps when 4/10's without makeup/angles/filters are only after the top 20% of men on there.
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You can absolutely afford to be picky. I think any guy who tells himself otherwise isn't really that bothered about getting into a decent relationship and just wants to get his end away sharpish with a conventionally good looking lass (which is absolutely fine). Women aren't some different species (well, not all of them anyway xD). Some of them are genuinely on there meet a decent dude.
 
Vargas said:
POF lol.

I met a girl on POF with two kids who's ex hubby is a fat lazy sod that left her to stay with his mum because he couldn't cope. Her mum babysits the kids at weekends and we'll go away, she's an animal and loads of fun. I dont spend any time at her place we always go away or to mine.

I don't want to get dragged into anything serious as the hubby is still on the scene, he's been in touch and wants to come home for the kids sake. She doesn't want him back so that's where things are at the moment.
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Thin ice...
 
Roar87 said:
Make yourself the top 20% then
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I'm talking on looks alone, and when using tinder I did more than well enough not to require facial reconstruction thank you, it was quite enlightening actually as I wasn't anywhere near as cynical before I started using it, now I realise dating apps are not the place for finding LTR's, sure it can happen but it's very rare.

Of course you can strive to be a top 20% earner and post a profile picture in your brand new M4 but nothing beats physical attraction, you can be bottom of the barrel money wise and still slay pretty much all the prime women in your area if you have a top tier face. Such is life for Chad.

https://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=174438811

Get redpilled boys.
 
A little update on my predicament. Wife (only separated in February so ex still) in Scotland no chance of reconciliation. I don't want that anyway as I couldn't trust someone again who never communicated how she felt to me and didn't give me any chance of rectifying it. I am still living at my shared ownership flat in London, I now have a lodger to help pay the bills. I know her from work so that is good and easy. I tried tinder for 4 days it was horrendous like pokemon and no one replying. I have now joined the guardian soulmates site and it has been excellent. None of that swiping, you can instantly see who has viewed you and liked you. Also I hate to say it but a higher class of potential mate, educated and intelligent. It just makes it easier when there is more of a description and wants. I also think the £96 fee for 6 months plays a part as well.
 
Yeah I think the paid for ones must offer a different calibre. Only someone seriously looking is going to be in those.

As for being fussy or not. You absolutely should be fussy. What's the point settling for what you don't want?
By this I don't mean the most attractive. I mean if someone isn't the person you want in looks and life outlook, hobbies etc I wouldn't bother.

And the people only interested in a perfect body for make good long term partners.
You can see this at the gym. So many of them there day after day. Probably add they don't have many hobbies, interests etc.

For both girls and guys if all you have is looks you aren't going to last long in a long term relationship.

The above obviously is only in reference to those who want long term. If you don't, just looks are fine!
 
Those body building forums are so cliché. It's as bad as the girl version. Just clones of each other. That's even how they talk in the gym. Makes me cringe a bit

But yeah obviously looks make a heap of difference. Its why I started going to gym after my breakup. Realised to give me the best chance at type of girl I want It helped to try to look better and keep my personality
 
I'm hoping they aren't. I am chatting to a couple of them after a few days, it is a bit more intellectual than tinder. Ironically one of them went to Jesus college like my wife i'm hoping they didn't know each other.
 
413x said:
Those body building forums are so cliché. It's as bad as the girl version. Just clones of each other. That's even how they talk in the gym. Makes me cringe a bit.
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Oh without doubt but the stuff they're highlighting has nothing to do with them or the forum. Most of those women they've found on instagram are married, mature and look respectable yet they're still thirsty as hell for someone who has genuine sex appeal, the complete lack of respect shown is astounding considering it's public as well and family members or even their partner can see those comments. There's nothing wrong with finding other humans attractive but posting thirsty comments like a teenage fan girl for all to see just shows how morals go out the window when Chad comes along. I bet most of their husbands have no idea lmfao.
 
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