The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
- Thread starter mattyprice4004
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Following my post about the issues my GF has with distrust and insecurity, on Thursday I asked her to pop over as I wanted to talk through the issues and that I wanted to work through them with her. Unfortunately I couldn't get through and she kept saying she was upset not because of asking her to stay away the weekend while my wife's family were down but the way I said it. I tried to move the conversation away from what had set this off and talk about the underlying issue but she didn't seem to accept it. She admits she has issues with trust and insecurity but she couldn't see how she was misinterpreting what I was saying.
We didn't get anywhere and she left. I sent a long message explaining that I wanted to show her she doesn't have to worry about me and that she can trust me and feel secure with me as I would never want anyone else.
I've heard nothing from her since. I know it's a little thing but her FB background was of me and her with our kids but she's changed it. Kinda like she's thinking of moving on and removing me from her life. My head is all over the place at the moment. I don't know what to do.
We didn't get anywhere and she left. I sent a long message explaining that I wanted to show her she doesn't have to worry about me and that she can trust me and feel secure with me as I would never want anyone else.
I've heard nothing from her since. I know it's a little thing but her FB background was of me and her with our kids but she's changed it. Kinda like she's thinking of moving on and removing me from her life. My head is all over the place at the moment. I don't know what to do.
Fact is that if she can't trust you after two years, if she can't believe you when you say you love her, then the relationship is on the clock. It gets pretty tiresome for you to keep dealing with this and trying to constantly convince her that your feelings are true and that you love her and she can love you back. Sooner or later you will run out of patience. This is her test, she has to trust you, and if she can't do that, there is nothing you can say that will fix things, there is nothing you can say that will long-term solve her issues, because she has one foot out the door anyway. She's not even giving it a chance because at her core, she doesn't believe you and thinks she'll always be second place to your wife.
In the end you will break up, either she will do it pre-emptively (which she's already preparing to do) so you can't dump her, or at some point you will get fed up of battling against her, instead of both you supporting each other to get through life. Unless she can change her attitude on a fundamental level, you're not really partners, and there's no trust that you'll be there for each other.
Yeah sounds like a dead end on this one to me.
She sounds like she's preparing for a break update mentally. Given your situation and how you describe her, I'd say it's probably better to move on. She can't cope with it's and doesn't seem to trust you, and there's nothing you will be able to do on do to change her mind.
And if she has thus mindset then you guys probably aren't a good match as your commitments aren't going to change either
She sounds like she's preparing for a break update mentally. Given your situation and how you describe her, I'd say it's probably better to move on. She can't cope with it's and doesn't seem to trust you, and there's nothing you will be able to do on do to change her mind.
And if she has thus mindset then you guys probably aren't a good match as your commitments aren't going to change either
I think deep down I am aware that our relationship may not last if we continue, a blow up like this will happen again.
However, I'm not quite at that stage to give up even if she is. sent a short, light as possible message asking where I stand. If I hear nothing in the next few days then there is my answer.
Have to say, I'm surprised she hasn't contacted, even to say it's over.
However, I'm not quite at that stage to give up even if she is. sent a short, light as possible message asking where I stand. If I hear nothing in the next few days then there is my answer.
Have to say, I'm surprised she hasn't contacted, even to say it's over.
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Online dating is **** if you're an average or below average looking lad. It seems a woman blocked me for sending her a message!!! It was nothing rude, just a question based on her profile (well a picture). She's no longer in my sent items box but I can find her profile in Google (just a name, easy to remember). I didn't send her another message or anything like that either. There's loads of women near me who've been on the site most of this year too but don't seem to be going anywhere. These are normal to very attractive women who must surely get asked out. Very confusing.
Anyway. Going to delete my profile again at the weekend. Lasted a week this time. Giving up on all relationships forever.
/#I'mgonnadiealone rant
Anyway. Going to delete my profile again at the weekend. Lasted a week this time. Giving up on all relationships forever.
/#I'mgonnadiealone rant
Get out there and meet people. Theres speed dating in aberdeen and one of the pubs in the city centre did (or still does) free speed dating on sunday nights. Also theres an international society thing that used to meetup at the Blue Lamp (i could be completely wrong on the name of the pub) Anyway just turn up and chat to folk. I always found there was more woman than guys and foreign woman seemed to dig scottish guys. Once you get chatting to folk add them on fb etc then you get invited to lots of house parties.
Online dating can be a awfully hard graft with lots of disappointment and quite frankly crazy women who should pretty much be sectioned at the first opportunity...
But it can work, I've found my fiancee and am now expecting my 3rd kid.... life isn't perfect but we're both very happy with each other.
My best advice is to get very specific about what you want, if you don't want a smoker don't message someone who smokes.... you get the idea.
But it can work, I've found my fiancee and am now expecting my 3rd kid.... life isn't perfect but we're both very happy with each other.
My best advice is to get very specific about what you want, if you don't want a smoker don't message someone who smokes.... you get the idea.
Unless you absolutely blow their mind with an opening message, you'll mostly get ignored.
Think how many times someone messages them "hey you ok" must be loads every day for attractive women.
It's a minefield out there, it really is. Online detail is very much an unequal playing field; very average females getting a massive ego boost from getting lots of messages from guys and it goes to their head and they think they can make all kinds of demands like having a six pack when they've got more of a family pack...
My recent experience dabbling casually with Tinder/Bumble/Happn:
Tinder has this massive reputation for being about one-nighters, but more than 2/3 of all the female profiles I've viewed go to great pains to state 'not looking for one night stands' etc. Now I'm not saying I'm particularly looking for no-strings fun (wouldn't turn it down either...) but where did it get this reputation given the above, and where are these 'loose' ladies?!
Fair enough, if you're a single mother, online dating is a good way of 'getting back out there' , but I've lost count of the number of profiles who say 'I've got X kids and they are my world' etc. Not the most attractive line to most guys now is it?!
As per my first comments above, Tinder/Bumble/Happn seem to be rife with average girls thinking they can turn down anyone except Chads
A little more background about me: Single almost 7 months after ending a 2.5 year relationship which had become sexless, passionless and verging on toxic (for me anyway). I have concentrated most of my efforts this year on moving out of shared-housedom and buying my own place (finally) which I moved into at the beginning of July. Not a sniff of a date, or even a one-nighter since then, which I have found difficult at times; I'm not completely blessed in the looks department, nor particularly in the charm/art of chatting up/confidence lark. Coming to terms with long-term singledom; to quote a song by a band I've been re-acquainting myself with recently, "I don't need another half if I am whole"
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Thanks chaps. I did go speed dating many years ago and had some success that way. I think I do better when I actually have a chance to engage the women in conversation.
@JonnyT: I've been single a lot, lot longer than 7 months and I've always been mostly fine with that but been more interested in changing that lately.
EDIT - And why have so many women got dogs these days? Do they get handed out when they reach 25 or something?!
@JonnyT: I've been single a lot, lot longer than 7 months and I've always been mostly fine with that but been more interested in changing that lately.
EDIT - And why have so many women got dogs these days? Do they get handed out when they reach 25 or something?!
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That's nothing new, everyone got one these days for social media status. If they don't have a child by 25 then they have dog instead. Something what will always love them no matter what, apparently us men cant and we always leave them
Well that's because they can, it's very easy for an average looking woman to put makeup on, apply filters and use angles to make themselves look sexually appealing to the majority of men using these apps. As men can't apply this tactic (or atleast apply it to the same degree), there's not enough genuinely good looking men out there for all of these fake women so men will sleep down the scale whereas women sleep up it. I'm far from male model material but at above average height, with decent/above average facial features and in shape I've never struggled on dating apps but I don't use them for very long as I can see exactly what most women on there want and it's usually totally against what they're telling people on their profile. They are on there to get rogered by attractive men with some of them in denial that one of these men who doesn't struggle for sex will stay with them and have beautiful babies. Nothing says delete number like a woman who stated "No one night stands" who then sleeps with you on the first date then goes full psycho when you no contact her, they can't even be honest with themselves
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Before there was Tinder, there was Grindr, which was a gay hookup app, used as directed. When Tinder came out as the version for straight hookups, women turned it into a dating app to look for relationships. We know this by comparing it to Grindr.
So true!
I've only ever had one meet from Tinder. In the pics she looked amazing. Met her and her makeup was covering her spotty chin, and she was overweight to say the least. Only face pics with filters on her profile!
Fortunately she was just looking for fun, and went back to her hotel that same night. Met her a couple more times as she was pretty filthy in bed. She got too attached (no surprises there) so I had to drop her, and she wasn't doing it for me physically. Haven't used Tinder since as I released I'm not ready for a new relationship and I'm tired of breaking girls hearts.
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I haven't got Facebook or anything so I don't think I can tinder. My face is not built for tinder anyway.
Online dating isn't amazing even if you are Brad Pitt, in person is *MUCH* better, 95% of men are too anxious to approach a woman, so by doing it, you put yourself in the top 5% and can punch way above your weight
The women are going places on dating sites, they are getting lots of attention (most important thing for a woman) Alpha's that use them and free dinners from betas, while they text Chad 10 times asking why he is ignoring her.
Fake up, spotty chin and obese, you still did it... ew
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