The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Hahaha ^ good points about weight and height. Personally i look for shorties 5' 0, 5' 1 and 5' 2. Definately prefer my midget women (Not actual midget mind!)

5' 0 and 50kg is perfect in my eyes. Never been a fan of tall women, but then im 'only' 5' 8
 
Guest2 said:
Hahaha ^ good points about weight and height. Personally i look for shorties 5' 0, 5' 1 and 5' 2. Definately prefer my midget women (Not actual midget mind!)

5' 0 and 50kg is perfect in my eyes. Never been a fan of tall women, but then im 'only' 5' 8
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Interesting it's not conscious for me but I've never dated a short girl, 5'9 is shortest. Same goes for fancying girls, when I think back.
I know some things I always go for and very aware of, but the height thing is subconscious.
 
Toasty said:
I think dating and relationships are a waste of time and energy nowadays, thread like this only confirm my beliefs.
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I find it makes the time much nicer and more fulfilling sharing it with someone.
But financially I'd agree with you. And lasting forever is unlikely now.
Throw kids into the mix and house and it's much harder to make a break when it turns bad.
can cope with having to down size, when I get to that point, but I wouldnt be able to handle the constant tie of kids. So no kids.

But understand completely why people are going solo more
 
Does the 50% of marriages end in divorce stat factor in remarriages?

1 person who is a bit of a *******, gets married and divorced, remarries and divorces again, then sticks with 3rd marriage. OMG 66% of marriages end in divorce!

For every marriage that goes the distance, you could have one horrid person getting divorced multiple times, skewing the 'rate' of divorce, like how celebrities have throwaway marriages seemingly constantly.

I only ask as I am forever trying to explain to senior management that a single, unique person on our database can be multiple passengers over the course of a number of bookings.
 
Guest2 said:
Hahaha ^ good points about weight and height. Personally i look for shorties 5' 0, 5' 1 and 5' 2. Definately prefer my midget women (Not actual midget mind!)

5' 0 and 50kg is perfect in my eyes. Never been a fan of tall women, but then im 'only' 5' 8
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Interesting thing. Nearly all of men know how tall they are. You ask a woman how much they weigh, they don't actually know. Too scared to find out.
 
krooton said:
Does the 50% of marriages end in divorce stat factor in remarriages?

1 person who is a bit of a *******, gets married and divorced, remarries and divorces again, then sticks with 3rd marriage. OMG 66% of marriages end in divorce!

For every marriage that goes the distance, you could have one horrid person getting divorced multiple times, skewing the 'rate' of divorce, like how celebrities have throwaway marriages seemingly constantly.

I only ask as I am forever trying to explain to senior management that a single, unique person on our database can be multiple passengers over the course of a number of bookings.
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Passengers on what?
 
krooton said:
Does the 50% of marriages end in divorce stat factor in remarriages?

1 person who is a bit of a *******, gets married and divorced, remarries and divorces again, then sticks with 3rd marriage. OMG 66% of marriages end in divorce!

For every marriage that goes the distance, you could have one horrid person getting divorced multiple times, skewing the 'rate' of divorce, like how celebrities have throwaway marriages seemingly constantly.

I only ask as I am forever trying to explain to senior management that a single, unique person on our database can be multiple passengers over the course of a number of bookings.
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I believe the failure rate increases with each marriage. The failure rate of first marriages is higher than 50% too (might be a US stat that one).
 
NewGamer11 said:
I believe the failure rate increases with each marriage. The failure rate of first marriages is higher than 50% too (might be a US stat that one).
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Well according to wiki and 2015 data, the UK divorce ratio is only 42%.

South Africa is only 17%, might explain why I hardly knew anybody whose parents split when I was growing up.

In terms of remarriages, data seems all over the shop, but some UK reports say second marriages are less likely to fail (31%), however third marriages are almost guaranteed doom haha. In the US, second marriages are at 67% and third at 74%!

I do think age is a bigger factor though, first-timers are more likely to be in their 20s, and people can grow and change significantly during that period. By your 30s you are more likely to know who you are and what you want, so maybe getting married at that time in your life has a greater chance for success?
 
krooton said:
Well according to wiki and 2015 data, the UK divorce ratio is only 42%.

South Africa is only 17%, might explain why I hardly knew anybody whose parents split when I was growing up.

In terms of remarriages, data seems all over the shop, but some UK reports say second marriages are less likely to fail (31%), however third marriages are almost guaranteed doom haha. In the US, second marriages are at 67% and third at 74%!

I do think age is a bigger factor though, first-timers are more likely to be in their 20s, and people can grow and change significantly during that period. By your 30s you are more likely to know who you are and what you want, so maybe getting married at that time in your life has a greater chance for success?
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I agree, the later in life you get married the more successful it will be. Apart from one, all the people I knew who got married in their 20's are now divorced or separated.

15 to 20 years ago you had to leave the house to meet someone. Now with the rise of internet dating, there are so many options you have no reason to get married so young.
 
malachi said:
Interesting thing. Nearly all of men know how tall they are. You ask a woman how much they weigh, they don't actually know. Too scared to find out.
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Everyone knows how tall they are and I expect almost all women know how much they weight - They just won't want to say if they are (in their eyes) too fat. Most guys know how much they weight too, except some don't as will not have weighed themselves in years.
 
Thinking of moving in with girlfriend. She hasn’t any money to contribute to mortgage due to her life choices so I’m paying 100%. She’ll pay for groceries and utilities.

She’s today said that since she’s feeling anxious that she has no stake in the house, and is giving up the “security” of rented, and has no savings, I could throw her out in like a years time and she’ll have nothing. No money for a new bond or way to save it.

Therefore, I must give her £3k “security deposit” or she’s not moving in and we are breaking up. If we break up, she uses this to rent a place. After a year she “might” have saved up enough to pay me back.

Now, I think she’s clearly left this planet.

I’ve told her I need time to process this.

Before I tell her she’s having a laugh, has anyone heard of this ? She’s bang out of order isn’t she ? I just want a sanity check.
 
Are utilities and groceries not less £ every month than rent? I mean if she was living alone she’d have all 3 to pay for surely, albeit less on the utilities/groceries.
 
Stolly said:
Thinking of moving in with girlfriend. She hasn’t any money to contribute to mortgage due to her life choices so I’m paying 100%. She’ll pay for groceries and utilities.

She’s today said that since she’s feeling anxious that she has no stake in the house, and is giving up the “security” of rented, and has no savings, I could throw her out in like a years time and she’ll have nothing. No money for a new bond or way to save it.

Therefore, I must give her £3k “security deposit” or she’s not moving in and we are breaking up. If we break up, she uses this to rent a place. After a year she “might” have saved up enough to pay me back.

Now, I think she’s clearly left this planet.

I’ve told her I need time to process this.

Before I tell her she’s having a laugh, has anyone heard of this ? She’s bang out of order isn’t she ? I just want a sanity check.
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You're giving her a free place to live while you're together. If you do break up in a year's time, she will have had time to save some money, mostly because she's got a free place to live. Which she would have been doing in order to pay you back anyway. Wherever she would be, she'd still have to pay groceries and utilities, so she's still getting a good deal, unless you are eating your own weight in mortgage every month.

What's more concerning is that she's threatening not just to stay where she is and not move in, but break up with you because you won't give her thousands of pounds on top of a free place to live. Massive red warning flags there. I don't think she really trusts or loves you, and you have to question whether you want her to move in with you at all.
 
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Steampunk said:
You're giving her a free place to live while you're together. If you do break up in a year's time, she will have had time to save some money, mostly because she's got a free place to live. Which she would have been doing in order to pay you back anyway. Wherever she would be, she's still have to pay groceries and utilities, so she's still getting a good deal, unless you are eating your own weight in mortgage every month.

What's more concerning is that she's threatening not just to stay where she is and not move in, but break up with you because you won't give her thousands of pounds on top of a free place to live. Massive red warning flags there. I don't think she really trusts or loves you, and you have to question whether you want her to move in with you at all.
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Yep, I feel she’s quite literally holding me to ransom. She’s been through some very dysfunctional relationships before, I get that. This isn’t the way though. Thanks for the confirmation chaps.
 
hasnt there been some cases where paying household bills was deemed to be contributing to a mortgage?
https://www.theguardian.com/money/2010/jun/20/mortgage-warning-unmarried-couples
oh wait article says
Jones's problems have arisen because she bought as "joint tenants". There are two ways of owning a property. Most cohabiting couples who buy together do so as "joint tenants" where they own the house 50/50 and, for example, the share owned by one partner would pass automatically to the other on death. If you own your home as "tenants-in-common" you can leave a precise share to whoever you choose – you state the exact nature of your share in a declaration of trust.
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I'd still be worried anyway though.

and obviously red flags on this woman.
probably should speak to a solicitor about a cohabitation agreement and make sure your bum is covered if she moves in
 
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