The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Stolly said:
Yep, I feel she’s quite literally holding me to ransom. She’s been through some very dysfunctional relationships before, I get that. This isn’t the way though. Thanks for the confirmation chaps.
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If she's that damaged that she wants to bring that sort of power dynamic into the relationship to control you because she fears for herself then she's broken and may be using you for security and comfort, rather than because she loves you the same way that you love her. It's one thing for you to be willing to try and fix her, but you shouldn't reward that kind of behaviour by giving into her demands. You have to show her that this behaviour/demand/expectation is not acceptable in the relationship as you go forwards.

If you give in, you'll always be giving in. If she breaks up with you, then she's not ready for a serious adult relationship where you live and work together to support each other and build a life for you both.
 
LMAO I like how she’s so bothered about tying you in and securing herself when she has very little to offer and doesn’t consider your circumstances if she was to walk away in a year.

Needs to sort her own **** out before trying to hold down a long term relationship, it’s a shame so many people just think a relationship is there to fix their problems when in reality it just makes a relationship impossible if you can’t even deal with your own issues.

She’s basically saying you be responsible for me because I can’t be responsible for myself.
 
Ayahuasca said:
LMAO I like how she’s so bothered about tying you in and securing herself when she has very little to offer and doesn’t consider your circumstances if she was to walk away in a year.

Needs to sort her own **** out before trying to hold down a long term relationship, it’s a shame so many people just think a relationship is there to fix their problems when in reality it just makes a relationship impossible if you can’t even deal with your own issues.

She’s basically saying you be responsible for me because I can’t be responsible for myself.
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for sure not marriage material unless he wants to lose a house in the future.

plenty more fish in the sea. at least she exposed herself as a money grabber before its to late
 
Did you actually manage to keep a straight face while she trotted out that line!? I'd have laughed her all the way out the door.
 
Stolly said:
Thinking of moving in with girlfriend. She hasn’t any money to contribute to mortgage due to her life choices so I’m paying 100%. She’ll pay for groceries and utilities.

She’s today said that since she’s feeling anxious that she has no stake in the house, and is giving up the “security” of rented, and has no savings, I could throw her out in like a years time and she’ll have nothing. No money for a new bond or way to save it.

Therefore, I must give her £3k “security deposit” or she’s not moving in and we are breaking up. If we break up, she uses this to rent a place. After a year she “might” have saved up enough to pay me back.

Now, I think she’s clearly left this planet.

I’ve told her I need time to process this.

Before I tell her she’s having a laugh, has anyone heard of this ? She’s bang out of order isn’t she ? I just want a sanity check.
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WTF? She will get her deposit back when she leaves the rented place and after a few months will be in a MUCH better situation financially than she is now. Yet she expects YOU to pay her for the privilege of her being better off?

She sound very entitled and expects the world to give everything to her. Just think what it would be like if you marry and have children, but she then decides she wants you gone. You could lose everything.

As mentioned above that is a huge red flag. It would be an absolute deal breaker for me because of what it means she may do/ask/expect in the future.
 
Stolly said:
Thinking of moving in with girlfriend. She hasn’t any money to contribute to mortgage due to her life choices so I’m paying 100%. She’ll pay for groceries and utilities.

She’s today said that since she’s feeling anxious that she has no stake in the house, and is giving up the “security” of rented, and has no savings, I could throw her out in like a years time and she’ll have nothing. No money for a new bond or way to save it.

Therefore, I must give her £3k “security deposit” or she’s not moving in and we are breaking up. If we break up, she uses this to rent a place. After a year she “might” have saved up enough to pay me back.

Now, I think she’s clearly left this planet.

I’ve told her I need time to process this.

Before I tell her she’s having a laugh, has anyone heard of this ? She’s bang out of order isn’t she ? I just want a sanity check.
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Wow. As others have said, red flag

''I could throw her out in like a years time and she’ll have nothing''

She has nothing now by the sounds of it, except if you didn't let her live with you she would have to pay rent on top of groceries and utilities.

My groceries and utilities come to more than my rent each month anyway...
Rent - £400 / month
Electricity, council tax, Sky, Internet, Water - £200
Groceries - £433

Let her to stop being tight and contribute to the mortgage or leave and pay her own rent and everything else
 
If there has been one story in this thread of a 'end it now' scenario this is it.
Imagine what she would be capable of if she had actual control.

Call her bluff. Completely toxic to relationship that attitude
 
I could understand her being worried before moving in, but demanding that you pay her a security deposit or she'll break up with you...

That is emotionally abusive behaviour. Walk away, don't look back.
 
It's not a security thing most likely, she just doesn't want you to have that sort of power over her as she's anticipating you'll threaten to throw her out of the house in any future arguments.
 
Roar87 said:
It's not a security thing most likely, she just doesn't want you to have that sort of power over her as she's anticipating you'll threaten to throw her out of the house in any future arguments.
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Yeah, that’s what she says. Well not in so many words but that’s what she’s getting at.
 
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