It's not the actual practicalities of being thrown out that's a concern, it's a lack of power in the relationship. Also known as insecurity.
The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
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It's not the actual practicalities of being thrown out that's a concern, it's a lack of power in the relationship. Also known as insecurity.
Are they her kids or yours? Guessing they are hers from a previous relationship
Could always suggest working full time and using a school like more other people do
No they aren’t mine. She won’t send them to school or Work full time because “that’s who she is”
Oh Stolly. There's so much wrong with this I don't know where to start.
She sounds like a tit if you don't mind me saying so. If i have any problem with my girlfriend or what she believes I tell her how I feel (if she likes it or not)
Are you able to just sit down and talk to her and that ''who she is'' may need to change for the better of her kids and her relationship
Deary me
The more worrying thing is that you posted here which makes me beleive you think she may be acting reasonably.
The fact she has two kids which aren't yours makes it even more clear cut.
Please, please, please show her the door.
She was homeschooled and ended up with 2 degrees and a career, so I can’t play the “damaging your kids” card. She has and will work full time, just not when her kids are growing up. Some people aren’t motivated by money. Doesn’t make them bad people.
Sounds like you may end up supporting her and her children and if things go south you may end losing out regarding part of the house. Got to be honest I don't always make the best choices but If you want to continue the relationship I would let her stay in her own place for now. Much safer.
seems like she is motivated by money though, she needs a financial incentive to move in with the poor guy
If she's not motivated by money then she doesn't need a massive chunk of yours to motivate her into moving in surely.
Normally I'm a little less doom and gloom than the general feeling in this thread sometimes, but nothing about this sounds sensible.
Its one thing being motivated by money but blackmailing your partner is completely crossing the line.
She may not be damaged educationally with her two degrees but I would argue she is damaged in many other ways if she thinks that is how you treat a partner.
You are now defending her which is concerning to say the least.
what if she has a child with you.
then she wants to home school that child too.
shes never going back to full time,possibly wants you to be a provider for her.
if anything goes wrong with the relationship in the future you know she will be out to get everything she possibly can. because she gave up her career to homeschool your child!
would you want any children you possibly have together to be homeschooled? seems you would have no choice in the matter
are you worth so little to her that she would end a relationship over you not giving her 3k to move in? if she actually loves you for more than money then its madness to have such an attitude.
maybe you should ask for a break in the relationship whilst you both evaluate your own lives and decide how much you actually want to be together in the hope some common sense enters this womans head
then she wants to home school that child too.
shes never going back to full time,possibly wants you to be a provider for her.
if anything goes wrong with the relationship in the future you know she will be out to get everything she possibly can. because she gave up her career to homeschool your child!
would you want any children you possibly have together to be homeschooled? seems you would have no choice in the matter
are you worth so little to her that she would end a relationship over you not giving her 3k to move in? if she actually loves you for more than money then its madness to have such an attitude.
maybe you should ask for a break in the relationship whilst you both evaluate your own lives and decide how much you actually want to be together in the hope some common sense enters this womans head
Ok the advice I’m getting here tallies exactly with the advice I’m getting offline from friends, not a single person would do this. Which was my starting position so now it’s confirmed that somehow it’s not me being harsh or inflexible in some way.
I agree, we aren’t likely to have our own kids we have 4 between us. I’d rather stick pins in eyes than have more kids.
I’ve told her to give me some space. I’m in the US next week anyway. I’m minded to turn this into a relationship break of a bit longer as you say.
But at the same time she wants 3k security from you. You can't have it both ways, not being motivated by money until you need it. Feels
Agreed. Not motivated by money but wants a hand out to have leverage. Sounds like one of those who doesn't care about having money but needs a provider. To me that's not someone who isn' mmotivated by money. They just want someone else to provide it.
Also can't see any positives.
They'll probably grow up and think it's normal and acceptable to demand money to move in with their partners..She obviously quite smart then...
Took the words right out of my mouth. Doesn't she want 3k off you Stolly? If she is not motivated by money then she can do without yours surelyseems like she is motivated by money though, she needs a financial incentive to move in with the poor guy
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There are probably many factors about this person/relationship which clouds judgement when it comes to decisions like these but Stolly you need to somehow take yourself out of it and think clearly about what the **** she is asking.
I personally switched off the moment she said its over if you don't agree to her demands
I personally switched off the moment she said its over if you don't agree to her demands