Advice needed
- Thread starter LukeSi
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Caporegime
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A girl who is in to girls would be homosexual.
An employee where I worked left as male and came back identifying as a female.
I handled it just by treating them as I always did. My personal feelings didn't come into it, I never spoke about the change or anything medication related. When they tried I just ignored them.
I guess everyone needs to just accept it and ignore it as it's being pushed down our throats because everyone and their dog are apparently "gender neutral".
I handled it just by treating them as I always did. My personal feelings didn't come into it, I never spoke about the change or anything medication related. When they tried I just ignored them.
I guess everyone needs to just accept it and ignore it as it's being pushed down our throats because everyone and their dog are apparently "gender neutral".
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Caporegime
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Doesn't sound like your personal feelings were entirely unaffected if you ignored someone trying to have a conversation with you?
There are ways and means to avoid topics whilst still being polite, it happens every day in the workplace.
Caporegime
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Indeed there are, but it sounded quite blunt.
I don't really care about peoples feelings, I am always polite and open to talking about things.
End of the day I don't want to hear about a co-workers hormone treatment. I'd rather talk about something on neutral grounds, if they don't like it. I'm not going to lose sleep over someone being "offended" by me not listening about their change.
Soldato
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just carry on and ignore it? at the end of the day they're still the same personality that you became freinds with, so you just treat them the same way you've always treated them.
Caporegime
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I'm not having a go at you, so don't take this as an attack. I'm just trying to understand because you have literally contradicted yourself in two lines of text
I guess if it's a one to one conversation and you just turn back to your work without saying anything when it's brought up then it would be.
Need some context really.
Many times this. As someone who had a close relative go through the same change ~10 years ago, I've seen how much the feeling of being alienated can hurt. Also because of that, I've met many other people in similar situations. 2 left their countries as a result of being rejected by sometimes lifelong friends, and 2 sadly took their own lives. Others have transitioned happily and are now feeling better than ever before.
Most don't want any kind of special treatment (beyond a polite acceptance of their preferred pronoun, which some even screw up themselves after a lifetime of using a certain one), they don't want to lose friends, they don't want to make life hard for other people, they just want to feel more comfortable themselves. And to that end, the best thing you can do is just carry on treating them as a friend - That core personality doesn't change, and they'll need those friendships now more than ever.
Soldato
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Precisely.
The reason why it is so difficult for people to make this change is literately because they are afraid of how everyone else is going to take it. To get to this point they have already come to terms with the idea and they are mostly just worried how everyone else will.
Just treat them normally, dont alienate them and carry on. You don't need to ring them up telling them 'I am here and support you' or crap like that. Stability and continuity is what they are hoping for, not a parade or a public facebook status in dedication to.
The reason why it is so difficult for people to make this change is literately because they are afraid of how everyone else is going to take it. To get to this point they have already come to terms with the idea and they are mostly just worried how everyone else will.
Just treat them normally, dont alienate them and carry on. You don't need to ring them up telling them 'I am here and support you' or crap like that. Stability and continuity is what they are hoping for, not a parade or a public facebook status in dedication to.
Essentially they are the same person just the clothes are different.
If you were to only talk to this person on the phone it would have no effect on you at all. If you're concerned about meeting up with them and about what others think, imagine what your friend is going through.
You're entitled to be concerned and confused by it all but as a friend you should also see past that. If for example it was the other way around, how would you feel if your friends distanced themselves from you?
Not trying to make you feel bad about yourself as I know I would struggle initially with a friend changing but I hope I would get my head around it and get on with what my life is doing.
If you were to only talk to this person on the phone it would have no effect on you at all. If you're concerned about meeting up with them and about what others think, imagine what your friend is going through.
You're entitled to be concerned and confused by it all but as a friend you should also see past that. If for example it was the other way around, how would you feel if your friends distanced themselves from you?
Not trying to make you feel bad about yourself as I know I would struggle initially with a friend changing but I hope I would get my head around it and get on with what my life is doing.
I agree, it was worded horrible on my behalf, anyway that's just my thoughts on the topic.
I'd say if someone wants to live as a woman and you can't handle it then tough - there really isn't anything you can do about it. Why do you even care? If they want to do the things that you used to then its business as usual. If it's all shoes and cosmetics maybe it's time to check out of the friendship. It really shouldn't matter which aisle they buy their pants in.
Soldato
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Their personality would change more if they were suddenly shunned by those around them. If everything carried on as normal, their personality wouldn't really change at all, why would it?
It isn't like personality is chained to gender and all of a sudden their sense of humour, kindness, generosity or whatever is going to change as a result.
If they announced their change and then everyone shunned them, then yes their personality would change but not because they are rocking a wig. It would be because they would have lost everyone close to them and the only pillar left in their life would be their own acceptance of their gender. These people may then put more focus onto changing themselves because their life has become **** as a result of being alienated and no longer feel comfortable but blame it on gender.
Soldato
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thing about that though is that you don't need to go as far as transitioning gender to change personality, people do it all the time and freindships come and go as a result. it's just life.