The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

XeNoN89 said:
I got an email a few days ago from Moonpig reminding me to buy a gift for my Ex:D
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I think (it was brief so cant be 100% sure) I got a message from an ex a couple of weeks ago but unsure as I'd deleted the number, didn't bother replying to it to find out.
 
NooBish AbbZ said:
I was venturing round Ikea and john Lewis home section today and felt the same :rolleyes: Buying posh towels for myself :p At odd times i feel as if time's running out (I know it's not; i'm 25) but in the past year or so, i've been 'seeing/dating' 3 girls and with none of them did i ever see anything long term :(
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You've got a bike, you don't need women :D
 
I think the way mgtow look at it is that the reward is just not worth the effort anymore, if you have to go through many, many bad women to find a good one then it’s better to just focus your time and energy on other things in life and find satisfaction in self improvement.

I don’t label myself as mgtow but I don’t bother with women now either, rather just focus on myself and doing things I want to do. Although my own relationships were ok, i ve never found anyone I would want to settle down with. I would never marry as our courts are a joke if it goes South. I ve had an uncle go through a terrible divorce, friends that have had vicious exes use kids as weapons and others in one sided controlling relationships so I just gradually stopped approaching and I politely decline any advances now.
 
dod said:
sorry for the mail link but I totally get this :o

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-4994118/Women-destroying-marriage.html
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My married mates tell me I have no balls for not proposing. On the contrary, I think I'm ballsy going years of avoiding it. Then you're made to feel like you don't love her or something. Like I don't deserve her, or I don't see how wonderful she is....etc. Ever noticed, it's only married people who seem to feel they have the God given right to tell you to get married.
 
Toasty said:
I think the way mgtow look at it is that the reward is just not worth the effort anymore, if you have to go through many, many bad women to find a good one then it’s better to just focus your time and energy on other things in life and find satisfaction in self improvement.

I don’t label myself as mgtow but I don’t bother with women now either, rather just focus on myself and doing things I want to do. Although my own relationships were ok, i ve never found anyone I would want to settle down with. I would never marry as our courts are a joke if it goes South. I ve had an uncle go through a terrible divorce, friends that have had vicious exes use kids as weapons and others in one sided controlling relationships so I just gradually stopped approaching and I politely decline any advances now.
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I definitely think there is a gradual generational shift and it's been caused by many different factors.

Don't get me wrong, men can be just a bad as women. But for me it's not really worth chasing, if it happens then it does but I'm not going to chase.

Main bugbear is going to be holidays though, esp as single mate numbers dwindle.
 
RoboCod said:
My married mates tell me I have no balls for not proposing. On the contrary, I think I'm ballsy going years of avoiding it. Then you're made to feel like you don't love her or something. Like I don't deserve her, or I don't see how wonderful she is....etc. Ever noticed, it's only married people who seem to feel they have the God given right to tell you to get married.
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I don't understand why marriage is seen as an achievement.
 
You probably notice most men only marry to keep their partner happy. Otherwise they happily not bother and keep going the way they are.
 
I don't blame people at all for giving up on long term relationships.

Half seem to end in divorce and half the others are toxic or dead. It is a shame as I think most people would like that concept of sharing a life but any one thing can go wrong at any time in that long time frame from either party and its curtains.

I want a relationship, marriage would be nice to the right person, but I don't want the bind/cost/risk of kids. This makes the partner pool very small. But id rather that than have kids with someone and see it all go wrong and not be able to make a clean break. I can't imagine what I'd be like if I had kids with my ex. I certainly wouldn't be with my current gf.

Marriage, assets etc you can still get a clean break, not with kids. Even without kids it gets messy.

Reading the separate thread about the guy going through a break up with a crazy ex and kids is horrible. As a dad you never get the benifit of the doubt so it's an unending battle with feelings, guilt and responsibility.

So many divorces now, I don't necessarily think it's a sign of the times either. In the past it was more frowned upon and less the done thing to divorce. So people probably just stayed in bad relationships more. Also the candy shop effect gives extra incentive of greener pastures.

I suppose humans aren't evolved to be monogamous, we also have short attention spans, inherently selfish etc etc. It's not surprising this happens.

As long as I'm not tied to an ex I'm willing to risk going through break ups to find the right one.
 
I guess it's easy to sit here and say when I haven't actually divorced the first one yet, but there is no way in hell that I could see myself getting married again. I married for love this time round, but it's ended in heartbreak and with two people that utterly adored each other now feeling the complete opposite, so why the hell would I want to put myself through that again? It'll take someone very special to convince me otherwise - and there's a very high guard to bring down before I'd even let the thought enter my head.

The MGTOW philosophy is a bit extreme for my taste, but I can totally understand the cynicism and bitterness that drives some men to it - I realise the paragraph above is very cynical in tone, but there's at least an undercurrent of hope there that it might happen again.

In any case, it's not something I'm thinking a great deal about at the moment - I need to get myself out of my current situation first, followed by a period of establishing myself in a rented property in a different village. Plenty of things I want/need to do before I go getting involved with women again.
 
MGTOW almost means no relationship at all. Or if any, then just casual one night stands. I'm too old for that game now, I had fun chasing women and them me but you get to a point where I think you just can't be arsed any more. So a monogamous relationship is more suitable now, but I buy into the sovereignty philosophy and protecting that from what is a society developed on breaking it down and taking it from me. For me, that's not born out of a bitterness towards women, that's simply taking positive action to protect myself from the sorry state of affairs that society has allowed to become.
 
Ayahuasca said:
Not many people are going to feel completely comfortable with their partner taking the time off work to go visit someone they've had sexual relationships with.

Maybe try a poly or cuckold relationship, you can continue crying into one of your Dakimakura while Jamal goes to pound town.
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no way I'd be in a relationship with someone who wants to be friends with someone they have had sex with in the past.
can't trust such people to not be hitting on my partner or trying to take advantage of her.
don't need the drama in my life.
 
Well, I text her my honest opinion that babies do not really interest me and later that I didn't mind meeting her and nephew if she wanted. I did, it wasn't too bad. I survived!
 
Went out on a date on Saturday with someone I'd met on Tinder. Prior to the date we'd be texting and seemed to get on fine, well the date turned into a comedy of errors or a romcom. Take your pick.

Picked her up and we headed to the a lovely pub for some lunch and I got lost twice. I took a few wrong turns but we got to see the snowy countryside. After the food we ended up going back to Belfast and decided to go for some coffee, so we called back to hers and she said, there is a nice place on the Ormeau road, and that it was only a short walk away. I agreed. Well 1.5 miles later we got there. I was really limping badly because of a foot injury and she felt so sorry for me but we were nearly there so just kept going. I hadn't realised we were so far from the coffee shop otherwise I'd have driven.

Then this is were it gets funny
In the coffee shop, she was ordering the coffee and said to me to go grab a table, so there I am, wearing Chelsea boots with a flat sole and the on a tiled floor that was wet with snow and what did I do? I went down like a sack of spuds! I landed on my side and everyone in the job just stared. My date did said I was graceful in my fall. But she didn't come to help mind and did say that she didn't know whether to run out the door, help me up or keep hold of the coffee. She choose the later. But it got a laugh and the bruises to proven it.

We went back to hers and as we were saying our goodbyes she lent in a kiss and after pulled back and smacked her head on the door frame!

You couldn't make it up! Well at least I got a second date, I'll bring a walking stick for myself and a scrum cap for her.
 
ChrisD. said:
That cheered my morning up. In an odd way I'd say that dates like that are better than your regular type ones
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Ayahuasca said:
Seems like you'd do well together :D
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What cheered me up this morning, was that she text to say she just feel off some steps outside parent's house and landed in the snow. She was looking behind her but kept walking! :p
 
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