The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Urgh Where do i start

Not sure if I'm overthinking things, reading into stuff that isn't there or if I'm reading situations correctly but being a massive wimp but regardless of the above I need to vent.

I cant muster the balls to ask a work colleague out despite every part of me screaming just do it. Our interests are scarily similar, our sense of humor is well on par we get on like the proverbial house on fire and we are very open, direct and honest with each other when talking about anything.

We are both aiming for career advancement at the moment and whilst neither of us have confidence in ourselves we are stupidly supportive of each other and each others abilities so we have this weird mutual support network going on and we have both recently secured secondments in roles the next grade up, which honestly is due the support and confidence we gave each other.

The banter and innuendo is top notch and we can spend all day talking and laughing about everything and anything to the point we have to be careful otherwise we would never get anything done. We socialize a little outside of work but not massively.

However the nitty gritty is as follows:

  • Shes well above my league in the looks department
  • She is very friendly and kind to most people she interacts with and I'm wondering if I'm just reading everything this the wrong way and if I'm just being super needy
  • Ive been out of a relationship for 4 years now and I've never been confident on the lady front
  • She left her husband 4 months ago after the last 18 months of their marriage being ****** and loveless and she has openly said she likes the idea of being free to date again but she has admitted shes entirely inept at reading dating situations and love interests
  • I am inept at reading dating situations and love interests and have made a fool of myself a few times in the past
  • I don't want to make a move and ruin a good friendship
  • I'm not sure if im just overthinking everything as shes extremely supportive to me in anything i do and just.... being kind.
Today we were both at work doing some overtime and jumped on the tram into the city center. We were talking as walking through the city center and I came so close to asking her if she wants to grab something to eat with me but instead we stopped talked for another few minutes then parted ways in a bit of an awkward manner.

Now I'm beating myself up thinking I should have just asked her and now I'm overthinking everything and the entire friendship to the point that should I even say or do anything or just stick to being friends.

/End Sad Act
 
Just do it. Keep it low key, low pressure and casual like lunch and go from there. And ignore the looks department comparison. I'm sure you're a very handsome chap.

You could post a picture of yourself and we could rate you. Whilst that would be quite fun, it might not help the overall situation.
 
HybridX just go for it as life is way too short.

I’ve just spent 48 hours with someone who is way out of my league and she spent 9 hours on a plane from Kazakhstan to be with me. ( note she’s English ).

Good luck
 
UberTiger said:
Just do it. Keep it low key, low pressure and casual like lunch and go from there. And ignore the looks department comparison. I'm sure you're a very handsome chap.

You could post a picture of yourself and we could rate you. Whilst that would be quite fun, it might not help the overall situation.
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LOL that rate my pic idea doesn't fill me with confidence lol

The problem is im not confident with women and i get put off when my two "work wives", with all good intent, continually go on about finding me a missus. That, always to me, seems a bit of a pity comment meant for the genuinely weird and socially challenged people out there who haven't a hope in hell in any social setting.
 
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HybridX said:
LOL that rate me pic doesn't fill me with confidence lol
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lol, the second part of my post about the pic was joking. The first part wasn't though, I'm sure you are still handsome. We often undervalue how much confidence plays in attractiveness. Be confident in just being yourself, if you're a match then great, if not, then no worries. Got to make a move to find out though, otherwise life will just pass you by.

GW1970 said:
HybridX just go for it as life is way too short.

I’ve just spent 48 hours with someone who is way out of my league and she spent 9 hours on a plane from Kazakhstan to be with me. ( note she’s English ).

Good luck
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HybridX said:
lol cheers for the unfounded vote of confidence, also lol at the borat gif in response to GW1970
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If she only just split from ex, it may be too soon for a proper relationship. Maybe just ask her to be good friends for now. Go on dinner dates, cinema etc etc. No ties. Just a relaxing friendship. If it develops then so be it.
 
koolpc said:
If she only just split from ex, it may be too soon for a proper relationship. Maybe just ask her to be good friends for now. Go on dinner dates, cinema etc etc. No ties. Just a relaxing friendship. If it develops then so be it.
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That was another thing that came to mind but in all honesty she doesnt at all seem phased by jacking in her marriage as he was a bit abusive (not physically) and extremely financially abusive to her so she had no love lost there.
 
You’ve already put her on that high a pedestal I think a relationship would be doomed from the start.

You really do need to learn to be comfortable in your own skin and love yourself before it’s ever going to work loving someone else. Otherwise you just become codependent and it’s awful.
 
Ayahuasca said:
You’ve already put her on that high a pedestal I think a relationship would be doomed from the start.

You really do need to learn to be comfortable in your own skin and love yourself before it’s ever going to work loving someone else. Otherwise you just become codependent and it’s awful.
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Might be right and i am really confident around women i know but not to those i dont and not to those i know but what to take i further. Putting the whole relationship thought aside, im so chill and comfortable around her.
 
koolpc said:
If she only just split from ex, it may be too soon for a proper relationship. Maybe just ask her to be good friends for now. Go on dinner dates, cinema etc etc. No ties. Just a relaxing friendship. If it develops then so be it.
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Got to be careful on that because if they take it too far then they could be in for the friend zone treatment.

Make a move soon as possible but don't leave it too long otherwise somebody else will.
 
HybridX said:
Might be right and i am really confident around women i know but not to those i dont and not to those i know but what to take i further. Putting the whole relationship thought aside, im so chill and comfortable around her.
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The classic of getting anxiety because you care/are invested. It's no bad thing as long as it doesn't control you.

I guess you have to guess if the time is right in terms of the marriage. Try not to let your opinion of your looks get in the way, as hard as it is.

I asked my gf out at a point I thought was probably too soon (not long out of a prior relationship). she was a friend in small new friend group (my only group of friends) . I knew I might lose my friendship group if it went wrong. But I thought I'd be more annoyed with myself if I didn't and someone else got there first.

Only you can gauge this point, and there is no formula for it.
All you can do is weigh pros and cons in your head, try to not be needy or whatever. It's always gonna be a risk.

If I thought the time was right I'd go for it. If she doesn't think same way it will be worse for you than her. That for me made it worth the risk, and easier. I can handle awkward more than regret
 
HybridX said:
Might be right and i am really confident around women i know but not to those i dont and not to those i know but what to take i further. Putting the whole relationship thought aside, im so chill and comfortable around her.
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Rather than saying hey would you like to go out on a date with me, I think I like you. Try developing things further as friends, ask them to join you doing something outside of work besides getting drunk at work events and gauge the response, if she thinks similar to you she'll be up for it and you can talk about yourselves more, get to know each other better and see how you both feel.
 
HybridX said:
Cheers for the comments folks, its gave me something to think about.
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Take as long as you want to think about it, but other guys won't be taking that time, and you'll be that good friend she's known for years who she couldn't ever possibly do anything sexual with before long.
 
Roar87 said:
Take as long as you want to think about it, but other guys won't be taking that time, and you'll be that good friend she's known for years who she couldn't ever possibly do anything sexual with before long.
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He's not wrong.
Better to be rejected than miss out because you hesitated
 
Lol point taken guys cheers.

Did get a random picture off her last night though eating a burrito in the bath.. not as filthy as it sounds lol but actually very literal. Its a bit or a running joke so i expect it to sound a bit weird.
 
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