**The Mental Health Thread**

Rob_B said:
Ok, so your first task is to clear that space, decision made!
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You make it sound so simple :D

There is nowhere to clear it to. I have filled the house with rubbish/tools/DIY materials and it it largely in a state of half finished. This is the bog I've dragged myself into for 3 years while overworked.

Edit: I'm not trying to be difficult, just balancing the line of dumping all the backstory, and explaining the current mess.
 
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LuckyBenski said:
You make it sound so simple :D

There is nowhere to clear it to. I have filled the house with rubbish/tools/DIY materials and it it largely in a state of half finished. This is the bog I've dragged myself into for 3 years while overworked.

Edit: I'm not trying to be difficult, just balancing the line of dumping all the backstory, and explaining the current mess.
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So you can't do the window, so why? there's stuff in the way? so clear it. You can't? Why not? Fix that :D

None of those things are big jobs, but you know that.
I found making a list of stuff wasn't a great idea as I have very high expectations of myself and although yes, technically the tasks can be completed in the time it didn't give any wiggle room or down time, easier to track what I DID do vs what's on my list.
 
Rob_B said:
None of those things are big jobs, but you know that.
I found making a list of stuff wasn't a great idea as I have very high expectations of myself and although yes, technically the tasks can be completed in the time it didn't give any wiggle room or down time, easier to track what I DID do vs what's on my list.
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Very true. I'm really good at writing lists, small and large. I'm really bad at a) Remembering to check the list and b) Doing task number one to completion. I look for low hanging fruit or get lost in the detail of a task/plan.

I went shopping - necessary and not written down on the list. It's now close to EOB so I'll aim to book the MOT and call the therapy line before those close.

Then I will attempt the window. It's low priority but I can see myself starting and finishing it in one go.

Then I will check back :)
 
MOT booked: Thursday am

Therapy referral: not covered by my health insurance. Employee Assistance Program: therapist will call me for an assessment within 5 days and then I get 6 50-minute sessions.

Window: removed, fear of heights triggered, sealant scraped off, new sealant applied, window refitted. Goodbye grotty cobwebs, goodbye scary heights, goodbye leak.

Dinner time and I earned it, thanks chaps :)
 
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LuckyBenski said:
MOT booked: Thursday am

Therapy referral: not covered by my health insurance. Employee Assistance Program: therapist will call me for an assessment within 5 days and then I get 6 50-minute sessions.

Window: removed, fear of heights triggered, sealant scraped off, new sealant applied, window refitted. Goodbye grotty cobwebs, goodbye scary heights, goodnue leak.

Dinner time and I earned it, thanks chaps :)
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Awesome!
 
dave28 said:
Have any of you tried learning a musical instrument as a self therapy type of thing.

The idea being that it takes such intense concentration that it creates at least a short break in the loop of thoughts.
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Yes, I have. I think it can be an excellent distraction method. Similarly, I find reading fiction and also puzzles can also work the same way.
 
LuckyBenski said:
MOT booked: Thursday am

Therapy referral: not covered by my health insurance. Employee Assistance Program: therapist will call me for an assessment within 5 days and then I get 6 50-minute sessions.

Window: removed, fear of heights triggered, sealant scraped off, new sealant applied, window refitted. Goodbye grotty cobwebs, goodbye scary heights, goodbye leak.

Dinner time and I earned it, thanks chaps :)
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I'm going to become a motivational speaker after this.
Everyone give me your life choices :D
 
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LuckyBenski said:
MOT booked: Thursday am

Therapy referral: not covered by my health insurance. Employee Assistance Program: therapist will call me for an assessment within 5 days and then I get 6 50-minute sessions.

Window: removed, fear of heights triggered, sealant scraped off, new sealant applied, window refitted. Goodbye grotty cobwebs, goodbye scary heights, goodbye leak.

Dinner time and I earned it, thanks chaps :)
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If it makes you feel any better, you're probably getting more DIY done than me.

Don't tell my wife, or she'll want an upgrade...
 
Spent my Father's Day in Sam's house alone, bagging up all of *his* stuff the girls didn't want to touch, her important paperwork, her kids' school uniform, then trying to make a plan of how to clear a massive house full of all her stuff that's either too personal to throw, or tainted by *him*.

Found myself looking at the BBQ charcoal and firelighters a bit too frequently and decided to remove them from the house, rather than go down the rabbit hole of "Well, it'll be far cheaper than hiring a clearance team and professional cleaners..."

It's now Weds and I've taken 6 full S-Max loads to the tip so far, with all the saleable items listed on Facebook Marketplace, at prices that should avoid me having to explain how they've become available...

...only to have multiple versions of the following conversation:

"How much is that washing machine?"

"I haven't listed a washing machine for sale - it's a Tumble Dryer"...

"Yes, the washing machine is it available?"

"I'm *not* selling a washing machine. I'm selling a *tumble dryer*."

"How much?"

"The TUMBLE DRYER is listed for £120"

"No, I want the washing machine..."

 
A really difficult last year or so with family illness and loss. A new diagnosis for my Dad about to hit which I already know what it will be.

For the first time in my life I find myself struggling sometimes with just being upset, emotional, sad.
I feel like as men, we do place extra pressure on ourselves as the stereotypical "man of the house" to be strong, and to never show weakness. I feel like I don't want my kids and wife to see weakness because I don't want them to feel like they don't have that strong pillar that they can always rely on, and go to. So sometimes emotion gets bottled up and I know that's bad. Sometimes I feel that I don't really have anyone I can go to to talk about things. I often used to go to my own parents for that sometimes, but now they are ageing and have their own problems, I don't want to bother them. So we go on, but it's hard sometimes.
 
It sure is. I think you're dead right, even in my relationship where there is a strong dialogue of support and mental health check-in, it's still not easy to actually let go of control and just be weak. I can say what's bothering me but not ask for help, maybe. Which usually equates to complaining rather than sharing.

I had a thought this weekend when looking around our local town's motoring festival. There were lots of stalls relating to men's mental health - largely centred around activities that men have been participating in groups for decades. Things like bikers for mental health etc. And I think, honestly, those groups were probably always offering support for men/allowing us to share together. I think in recent years people have recognised the way it can be hard for men to get that sense of community support and share their issues, so the groups have effectively self identified as something they always did anyway.

Just an interesting reflection. Now it's more visible it might help people who weren't naturally participating in groups like that. I know I don't tend to.
 
Having watched Lewis Capaldi’s struggles at Glasto a couple of years ago, and watching his documentary on Netflix, I found his performance at Glastonbury yesterday incredible emotional.

I cannot imagine how tough that must have been for him, and I think his new single ‘Survive’ that he released about his struggles is such a powerful message. Having had struggles with anxiety and depression in the past, I could relate to it.

I urge you all to seek help if you ever feel overwhelmed. There’s always a way out, just sometimes it’s not always that obvious.
 
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Was my sister-in-law's funeral on Weds - minister was excellent, but couldn't help feel a little numb as he read out the tribute I wrote for her when the police announced her death, then the "poem" a family friend sent to me to finesse, then it was my turn to speak.

I was semi-okay (6am anxiety trots notwithstanding), spoke calmly and made sure to include the words from Mum, my wife and her older sister, mentioning her three young children by name and promising to always support them, but when I looked at my Wife and the children, I lost it.

We'd agreed that the day should be about celebrating her life and not fixating on the circumstances of her loss (her fiancé murdered her), but I ended my speech with a promise to make sure we got justice for her and the children.

Her murderer's plea hearing was yesterday; so whilst I may be useless at providing emotional support, I made a solemn promise to Sam that I would attend every hearing and represent the family throughout the trial.

It was difficult to see him in the dock, but he wasn't as cocky & arrogant as when he was first arrested. Kept his head low, but lots of side-eye glances to our many family members and friends in the gallery.

There wasn't a single member of his family there to support him - which definitely rattled him.

Plea hearing postponed to next month, as his counsel are waiting for the psych eval report - we won't know what he'll plea until at least then.
 
My dad is 85 and he is showing signs of forgetting. It is a bit worrying, I haven't seen him in a few years, I like to have the picture of when he was young + strong. But I know I'll need to see him.
My mum has all her cognitive abilities a bit too much I say. Sometimes she's overbearing. Even though I don't like it I know, I'll have to sort out the IHT which I am doing.

Problem is I may have to get power of attorney as my mum hasn't managed finances for 30 years which is something I don't want. I am worried my mother will view it differently. But I need to manage there business. I see people hanging round them, and I am worried they may sign something that will put their income in jeperdy. Plus I think my father hasn't managed it well over the last 4 years.

On top of this I suffer PTSD confirmed, which doesn't help. But I realised that I need to get further away from my ground zero. Hence why I been looking at leaving the country, lucky I speak languages. Plus I am very analytical, which does not help my condition at all.

Sometimes my reaction to triggers can be really difficult to manage plus everything that's going on with the way this country is run winds me up and just can't be bothered to keep fixing people's problems.
I find that the UK has specific problems, all based around greed, max profits min effort (put as little in as they can get away with ) they like to call this efficient, I call it bull.. This has lead to standards seriously dropping and putting people's lives in danger.

I really find that some people (35% of the workforce in this country) should not be employed, either they are lazy are just can't comprehend anything work related. Which just adds to this country's problems.
We have a serious problem with ownership in the UK, smoke screening, it is like a uncontrollable virus, the system is broken.

For example a few years ago someone made a mistake didn't own up, it took us 2 months to find the problems, we had diagnose the work of all the different teams. .

I've taken the view I am not willing to stick around to help fix the big social problem or willing to finance it any longer, life is short.

Iam pretty lucky I have skills in very high demand globally. I was going to go to Munich, this is the European head office for this company, they offered a position in the US but I realised that if I did, I may burn out. My NDA stops me from working with competitors for six months, but I do get financially rewarded for it.

I've also been suggested to start a start up, before this industry becomes saturated, but this means a hell of a lot of work and I am no longer in my 20s or 30s.

I decided to look for companies that I could just sail through ( a few start ups with the agreement of working 3 days) and not doing so much research, as this part of my work does cause me anxiety which triggers my PTSD at times.

I think this is the best time to move abroad ( my personal opinion the UK is in serious decline). This break gives time to manage my investments, attempt to grow them and take time off to just gym and sleep for 6 months, at same time work on my PTSD. I worried how it will impact me in my 70s -80s. So I need to do all I can to resolve it NOW.

I understand that the only person that can help is you, no amount doctors in this area can really help. It is such a messed up illness.

I spoke with a few people that suffer this harsh condition and one thing they seem to have in common they moved as far as they could, and yes it does help.
 
Tram said:
I really find that some people (35% of the workforce in this country) should not be employed, either they are lazy are just can't comprehend anything work related. Which just adds to this country's problems.
We have a serious problem with ownership in the UK, smoke screening, it is like a uncontrollable virus, the system is broken.
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Totally agree here. Everywhere I've worked, there has always been a decent amount of people who are genuinely and completely incompetent or entirely feckless. No matter how many times they get told how to do something correctly, and no matter how many times they make the same mistake, they just cannot comprehend how to do it correctly, or are just far too lazy to care or check what they are doing.

It is obvious that this permeates through most, if not all industries and it makes almost every job a never ending grind of fixing other people's or other company's mistakes.

Unfortunately this isn't only professionally too. I encounter this with almost everything I do.
 
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Probably a good number of those 35% of people shouldn’t be employed due to mental health problem’s. Certainly I was employed in a number of jobs with mental health problems which meant I was lazy and or unprofessional in the roles I was employed in.

Now I’m out of the job market due to serious MH problems which means I have to take antipsychotics and antidepressants and will probably never find work again outside of volunteering or therapeutic work, neither of which appeal to me.
 
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