So I have tactics I employ.
I have little galaxy tags on my keys that I can buzz if I misplace them. (I will leave them anywhere).
I generally don't forget important things.. Like dates. I may forget the time. I try and put them in my calendar. But I will often ring on the day... "was my appointment at 10am?..yes" ..I usually remember but doubt the memory!
I nearly always remember bin day unless it's been a stressful week.
Its the soft stuff that's harder. Remembering to not ask her things. Remembering not to talk to her about emotive stuff before bed.
I've started writing these things down on my phones Lock screen on the contract information step. If I see again and again "don't talk to gf before bed" eventually it will go in.
But we have talked about the mental load this places on me. We've talked about it directly.
I've said "this is really hard you know, I have to run through in my head a list of checks to make sure I'm going to say the right thing". And as you can imagine, important talks are often emotional and running through a list of do/don't is hard.
This is probably a big one. So thanks for flagging it. It's come up again and again. And probably demonstrates our "normal" behaviours conflict.
When conversations go bad it will usually end in me getting upset and her having a literal melt down. She says I make myself the victim. But I try to say "look this is not your fault or mine, but I'm also struggling. We are both struggling together. These are both our issues." I think she sees this as making myself the victim?
I really try and make it about us. And how we can navigate it. It's a shame someone external can't basically watch one and say" Alex you are being selfish" or "gf, you are being unreasonable". But end of the day I guess it's another example of clashing in our natural states.
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