The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Maybe not quite the right thread, but it is in the relationship category....

As the other half is away this weekend, I was going to head into town and buy an engagement ring. Apart from knowing the approx size, and advice?!
Obviously never done this before, but I have a pretty good idea of what she would like (as she makes a point of looking in the windows every chance she gets with me around!). She knows it's coming, we're heading to Stockholm for her birthday in December - one of her favourite cities to walk around, and she's already hinted at if there is an knee bending taking place :rolleyes:
 
Shadowness said:
Maybe not quite the right thread, but it is in the relationship category....

As the other half is away this weekend, I was going to head into town and buy an engagement ring. Apart from knowing the approx size, and advice?!
Obviously never done this before, but I have a pretty good idea of what she would like (as she makes a point of looking in the windows every chance she gets with me around!). She knows it's coming, we're heading to Stockholm for her birthday in December - one of her favourite cities to walk around, and she's already hinted at if there is an knee bending taking place :rolleyes:
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Surprise her properly by taking your mistress along too!
 
Shadowness said:
Maybe not quite the right thread, but it is in the relationship category....

As the other half is away this weekend, I was going to head into town and buy an engagement ring. Apart from knowing the approx size, and advice?!
Obviously never done this before, but I have a pretty good idea of what she would like (as she makes a point of looking in the windows every chance she gets with me around!). She knows it's coming, we're heading to Stockholm for her birthday in December - one of her favourite cities to walk around, and she's already hinted at if there is an knee bending taking place :rolleyes:
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Whatever happens, good luck. (I loved the day I proposed!)

As for the ring, if you know what she likes then i am sure it will be great. I asked her the style and went for it, it was just the classic 1 rock tiffany-esq type...
 
Raymond Lin said:
Whatever happens, good luck. (I loved the day I proposed!)

As for the ring, if you know what she likes then i am sure it will be great. I asked her the style and went for it, it was just the classic 1 rock tiffany-esq type...
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Thanks! As she's very much expecting it when we are in Stockholm, I'm not really sure how to surprise her. I guess I'll just have it on me the whole time, and pick a moment that feels right.
 
Shadowness said:
Maybe not quite the right thread, but it is in the relationship category....

As the other half is away this weekend, I was going to head into town and buy an engagement ring. Apart from knowing the approx size, and advice?!
Obviously never done this before, but I have a pretty good idea of what she would like (as she makes a point of looking in the windows every chance she gets with me around!). She knows it's coming, we're heading to Stockholm for her birthday in December - one of her favourite cities to walk around, and she's already hinted at if there is an knee bending taking place :rolleyes:
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i had this before, and this constant expectation kinda put me off the whole thing, felt like I was being forced down a route although it was a route I wanted to take I felt that perhaps I was being forced to. So I told her the more she hints and mentions it the less chance she's got of me ever doing so. I felt I needed to do it off my own back and decisions, it's quite a commitment and ideally it's not something you want to do again, I came from a broken home and wanted to make sure it was right and I felt right.

Not sure if I'm describing the feelings right, but anyway... She waited another 2 years for me to pop the question, but when I did it was special, we went glamping for the week, with a hot tub, in Wales, amazing the weather was spot on, I found a waterfall close by to us that we could walk to, I packed a nice picnic bottle of bubbly and off we set. Got to the top of the waterfall, over looking the valley, said we'll just stop here for a bit take in the sites. All the way there she was grumbling how much further lol, was only a 2 mile walk. Anyway sat down pretended to get some water out the bag, turned round I was on 1 knee ring in hand, beautiful setting was really magical she was over the moon. I'd done the traditional thing asked her dad, she was also super close to her grandad and was the apple of his eye he was almost more of a father figure than her own dad (her dad left when she was in her teens and were estranged for a while), anyway her grandad had always expressed a wish for her to have her nannas wedding ring as an engagement ring and it was a dream of hers also, so I had that in hand, all sized up in advance.

I've no idea how I managed to do it all and keep it secret normally she catches on (maybe she did and has never said anything).

Anyway it felt right, felt I had made the decision myself and not felt forced into it because that was the expectation
 
@sx_turbo thanks for the post. I’ve no doubt I want to spend the rest of my life with this person, and at 38……my clock is ticking! She’s 28……and has said she’d want to have children sooner than later, and I’m not getting any younger.

Is the one knee thing still a thing? There’s a nice viewpoint in Stockholm overlooking the city, so might do it there, but the last time we were there we were struggling to walk as it was so icy!

It wouldn’t be rushing, we’ve been together for just over 4 years. But she does have a habit of running any surprise I try to arrange, in a Bridget Jones sort of way (that is my nickname for her, as she is literally that character!)

Thanks again, I didnt manage to get into town this weekend, still plenty of time before December :)
 
Shadowness said:
@sx_turbo thanks for the post. I’ve no doubt I want to spend the rest of my life with this person, and at 38……my clock is ticking! She’s 28……and has said she’d want to have children sooner than later, and I’m not getting any younger.

Is the one knee thing still a thing? There’s a nice viewpoint in Stockholm overlooking the city, so might do it there, but the last time we were there we were struggling to walk as it was so icy!

It wouldn’t be rushing, we’ve been together for just over 4 years. But she does have a habit of running any surprise I try to arrange, in a Bridget Jones sort of way (that is my nickname for her, as she is literally that character!)

Thanks again, I didnt manage to get into town this weekend, still plenty of time before December :)
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The one knee thing.... You know what I've no idea, suppose you just do what you feel is right, I am a bit of a traditionalist, and although I'm a 40 year old male, I do love a good rom com and do like the idea of being in 1 knee or the big romantic gesture lol (though I only do soon really special occasions, I don't want the wife getting used to these things lol)

All the best for you, I'm sure however you do it, it will be perfect
 
Shadowness said:
As the other half is away this weekend, I was going to head into town and buy an engagement ring. Apart from knowing the approx size, and advice?!
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Check out some of the online retailers. I got hers from 77 diamonds and it was significantly cheaper than a comparable ring from high street jewelers. Also allows you to design the exact ring, setting etc. If she's been dropping as many hints as mine was I knew EXACTLY what style of ring and diamond to get. She liked the fact that I "designed" it myself. Also got our wedding bands from there as we got a discoint as a result of buying the engement ring from them. Again, they were about half the price of similar ones we saw on the high street. They are mainly online but do have a shop in London you can visit (need to make an appointment though).

All in all no complaints from us and like I say it worked out a lot cheaper.
 
Penfold101 said:
I’m 43 and my kid is 17 months - what does the age have to do with anything?
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A lot, you will be be old/frail/senile/dead before the kids 40-50?
Doesn't exactly give the kid much time with their parents, and the grandparents will be more than likely gone before the kids 20 :(
Not really a great experience for the child to go through all before or by the time it's 20...
 
deviation said:
A lot, you will be be old/frail/senile/dead before the kids 40-50?
Doesn't exactly give the kid much time with their parents, and the grandparents will be more than likely gone before the kids 20 :(
Not really a great experience for the child to go through all before or by the time it's 20...
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People can die at any age, get mental issues at any age. You don’t need to be old for it to happen. Are you suggesting you should put an upper age limit on being a parent? I don’t have any memories of my paternal grandfather as he died of natural causes in his 60’s when I was two - my parents were 31 when I was born (youngest of three) so was that too late? What’s a good age to be when your grandparents pop their clogs?
 
Penfold101 said:
People can die at any age, get mental issues at any age. You don’t need to be old for it to happen. Are you suggesting you should put an upper age limit on being a parent? I don’t have any memories of my paternal grandfather as he died of natural causes in his 60’s when I was two - my parents were 31 when I was born (youngest of three) so was that too late? What’s a good age to be when your grandparents pop their clogs?
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Sure, but on average, that doesn't happen as much. Adding age to that factor though, does indeed add additional risk. So by starting a family at a even later age, you're obviously robbing the child of more time with you/family members.

That's a shame, I have had many with mine, and they were some of the best moments of my life, and I have a good 25 years worth of them to remember.
The idea of your parents being your grandparents age, when you're young, isn't ideal, and your grandparents having already died, or close to it/senile. All at once.

I'd personally like to see my parents get to 70's-80+ whilst I'm alive - just like my parents experienced with their parents.

The whole enjoyment of having kids would be to spend as much time with them as possible, watch them grow and live their lives, and share it with as many families members as possible, for the kid and the families benefits, creating as many memories as possible, right?
You're robbing them of that, at that age, then as you say adding age relating things into the mix.
I couldn't do that to a child myself. But each to their own.
 
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deviation said:
Sure, but on average, that doesn't happen as much. Adding age to that factor though, does indeed add additional risk.

That's a shame, I have had many with mine, and they were some of the best moments of my life, and I have a good 25 years worth of them to remember.
The idea of your parents being your grandparents age, when you're young, isn't ideal, and your grandparents having already died, or close to it/senile. All at once.

I'd personally like to see my parents get to 70's-80+ whilst I'm alive - just like my parents experienced with their parents.

The whole enjoyment of having kids would be to spend as much time with them as possible, watch them grow and live their lives, and share it with as many families members as possible, for the kid and the families benefits, creating as many memories as possible, right?
You're robbing them of that, at that age, then as you say adding age relating things into the mix.
I couldn't do that to a child myself. But each to their own.
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So, sterilise everyone at age 25, don’t allow any family to emigrate, and don’t let anyone who doesn’t have living parents to have their own kids.

Best not have a family pet either because that will definitely die at some point while the kid is growing up.
 
Penfold101 said:
So, sterilise everyone at age 25, don’t allow any family to emigrate, and don’t let anyone who doesn’t have living parents to have their own kids.

Best not have a family pet either because that will definitely die at some point while the kid is growing up.
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I said, people having kids at the age their parents/grandparents did, is obviously the most ideal scenario for the child, as it gives the child the most time with all who are involved.
Just like it did before for the previous families generations.
In what world can you say that's a bad thing?

I never mentioned anything regarding pets or emigration?
 
deviation said:
I said, people having kids at the age their parents/grandparents did, is obviously the most ideal scenario for the child, as it gives the child the most time with all who are involved.
Just like it did before for the previous families generations.
In what world can you say that's a bad thing?

I never mentioned anything regarding pets or emigration?
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Because there’s more to life than memories with grandparents - you told the other guy he missed the boat on having kids because he was 38 which is just insane.

You make memories and life experiences with whoever you have in your life, which is different for everyone.

If you emigrate, the kids might not ever see their grandparents for years so we’d better ban that.

What a weird way of thinking you have.
 
Penfold101 said:
Because there’s more to life than memories with grandparents - you told the other guy he missed the boat on having kids because he was 38 which is just insane.

You make memories and life experiences with whoever you have in your life, which is different for everyone.

If you emigrate, the kids might not ever see their grandparents for years so we’d better ban that.

What a weird way of thinking you have.
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Again you're just twisting things to suit your own obscure narrative!

I didn't say just the grandparents, I said everyone involved, thus the parents and any family members of the same age or above, too.

So you think the idea of a child not even reaching 40 before their parents are about to be 80/frail/dead, with no grandparents bar when the child was in single digits if they're lucky, is a good idea?
Then you have a wierd way of thinking, not me!

There's a reason everyone's parents, and their parents, had kids at the age they all did. Because the child got spoilt for family and got the best chance to spend time with multiple generations of said family/friends. You are taking that natural ability from them, because of your life choice, not the child. It's tough **** if you didn't get the chance at the right time. No kid wants their parents to be the age of grandparents when they're barely a legal drinking age.

I wouldn't do that to a kid, nor rob them of having years of memories with their grandparents.

Why would I randomly emigrate? That's such a random thing to suggest? The onus/guilt of that time being taken from the child/grandparents, would be on the parents in that circumstance.

I'm sure your kids going to be really greatful when you're not around in such a short time, and neither are any relatives :( :rolleyes: What memories they'll have to look back on, oh, no they wont!

Anyways, I've said what I said, multiple times, and can't really make it anymore black and white. Bye.
 
Penfold101 said:
Because there’s more to life than memories with grandparents - you told the other guy he missed the boat on having kids because he was 38 which is just insane.

You make memories and life experiences with whoever you have in your life, which is different for everyone.

If you emigrate, the kids might not ever see their grandparents for years so we’d better ban that.

What a weird way of thinking you have.
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Honestly I think you are projecting here because you are also a geriatric parent (and yes, that is the medical term for a parent at your age).

It is widely documented in a lot of areas that parents in their 40s introduce a much higher risk of medical complications.

Whilst his points weren't handled delicately, he's not entirely wrong either. That's not to say the original OP shouldn't have kids, but kids in your 40s is VERY VERY different to having kids in your 20s and it serves nobody to sugarcoat it.

There seems to be a social stigma to discuss it, but it's very real. Likewise it's a social stigma to discuss the fact that 25% of all pregnancies end in miscarrying - for some reason as a society we don't talk about it until someone has experienced one and they come to realise how common they are.
 
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