Nobody is complaining here about evening the playing field to give yourself the advantage
You either play to win or play to be right.
Dating these days , everyone is playing to win.
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Online dating, decent sites
- Thread starter Retro6
- Start date
Nobody is complaining here about evening the playing field to give yourself the advantage
You either play to win or play to be right.
Dating these days , everyone is playing to win.
Soldato
- Joined
- 21 Apr 2007
- Posts
- 6,651
Nobody should be using AI to actually change their physical appearance tbh at least maybe beyond a little touch up.... not a good idea, however, I have seen a friend use it to improve the photo background / lighting and imo that's fine, no different to just applying filters.
have you not seen some of these chicks with filters nowadays...you couldn't pick them out in real life if you looked at these filtered pics
It is needed but I wouldn't use it to completely change my appearance, its more just for touching up besides it would look really bad if it was blatantly obvious that A.I was used. One thing you gotta remember is that your just one face of many in the dating apps and there is a lot out there, women have lots of options so its vital to have decent photos otherwise you just get swiped for the next lot of guys who do have good photos. You gotta play to win.
Soldato
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- 9 Dec 2009
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- Bristol
@Retro6 Thanks for keeping us updated and it's good to hear that you've been having fun and are making some changes.
A couple of things to add:
Clothes. Getting some new togs is a great idea and the opinions of a woman are also a good idea, but do remember that what she thinks looks good on you might not necessarily chime with other women. Also, you need to feel comfortable too, so don't get drawn into wearing something you really don't like. Do some research on the sort of clothes that flatter your body type etc. On future dates if you're comfortable, you'll be confident.
Also with the pics I personally would avoid professional pics. Modern smartphones in good light take great pics. I totally agree that a good range of pics is great, but IMO good natural pics of you in different situations and activities would be fine and portray an active man who can scrub up when he needs to, but doesn't need to polish a turd.
A couple of things to add:
Clothes. Getting some new togs is a great idea and the opinions of a woman are also a good idea, but do remember that what she thinks looks good on you might not necessarily chime with other women. Also, you need to feel comfortable too, so don't get drawn into wearing something you really don't like. Do some research on the sort of clothes that flatter your body type etc. On future dates if you're comfortable, you'll be confident.
Also with the pics I personally would avoid professional pics. Modern smartphones in good light take great pics. I totally agree that a good range of pics is great, but IMO good natural pics of you in different situations and activities would be fine and portray an active man who can scrub up when he needs to, but doesn't need to polish a turd.
My dress sense is normally jeans sneakers and T-shirt. Winter times pretty much the same but with a smart jacket, sweater or hoodie, that is mostly what I am comfortable wearing. I will be wearing different outfits in the photos to give more of a range and at different places. I used to always have short hair but after listening to other peoples advice I've grown it out and at first I wasn't too confident with it but I've now got used to having long hair and I'm now comfortable with it. Sometimes changes are needed which may mean switching things up a bit in terms of outfits but I agree that what one woman thinks wont be the same opinion of others but it sure helps and I do see improvements when I take women's advice which then makes me more comfortable and confident. Also trying new things you wouldn't normally wear can yield more results.
I used to have a friend who worked as a stylist and we would often go out and pick me out outfits and I then got a lot of success from getting none at all but I was much younger back then. Its also another important reason to have friends and meet new people to keep in my social circles.
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One other thing I need to work on more is sending messages such as being a bit more spontaneous, because I hear often that the "Hi how are you" is very mundane and I understand that women must get there inboxes flooded with that, but what else would one say?
What would be a spontaneous way of showing interest in a message?
Any ideas?
What would be a spontaneous way of showing interest in a message?
Any ideas?
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I always say hi and follow it up with a question about one of their profile pictures
"How long have you had that mole?"
"Did you notice one of your ears sticks out more than the other?"
"Does the carpet match the drapes?"
I'm 41, separated 7 months ago after 9 years, practically single whilst living together a long time before that. I now fancy some company but I'm still settling into single live, making my house my own etc. I'm torn between hitting the apps or just letting something come naturally.
I think I've got to a point in life where the dream of the settled down family life isn't for me anymore. My little darlings are 7 & 4 and while things are 50/50 with their mother I'd be quite happy if it was just the three of us. The problem is I was always quite an intimate and somewhat person. I'd not watch a movie because I'd rather share the experience with someone else and always enjoyed being in the moment be it up a mountain on an adventure or snuggled up in winter etc. I miss that, I missed it for years but the ex just drained it from me to a point I don't believe in it anymore.
I guess there's one way to find out but I can't stand the thought of peacocking about trying to impress someone, especially via an app that I will assume demand vast sums of money for my thirst. I think I prefer the romance of finding someone more naturally, I'm a huge runner and socialise that way but maybe I need to broaden my social life a bit more. Living rurally doesn’t help, neither does being a 41 year old single parent I guess. Plus I might be getting picky, which is dangerous with a face like mine!
If one was to put themselves out there, what app(s) are preferred?
"Did you notice one of your ears sticks out more than the other?"
"Does the carpet match the drapes?"
I'm 41, separated 7 months ago after 9 years, practically single whilst living together a long time before that. I now fancy some company but I'm still settling into single live, making my house my own etc. I'm torn between hitting the apps or just letting something come naturally.
I think I've got to a point in life where the dream of the settled down family life isn't for me anymore. My little darlings are 7 & 4 and while things are 50/50 with their mother I'd be quite happy if it was just the three of us. The problem is I was always quite an intimate and somewhat person. I'd not watch a movie because I'd rather share the experience with someone else and always enjoyed being in the moment be it up a mountain on an adventure or snuggled up in winter etc. I miss that, I missed it for years but the ex just drained it from me to a point I don't believe in it anymore.
I guess there's one way to find out but I can't stand the thought of peacocking about trying to impress someone, especially via an app that I will assume demand vast sums of money for my thirst. I think I prefer the romance of finding someone more naturally, I'm a huge runner and socialise that way but maybe I need to broaden my social life a bit more. Living rurally doesn’t help, neither does being a 41 year old single parent I guess. Plus I might be getting picky, which is dangerous with a face like mine!
If one was to put themselves out there, what app(s) are preferred?
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Professional photos?
I mean I'm not a woman, but whenever I saw professional pics I found it a real turn off myself.
Please don't use these.
It was a good few years after my divorce before I even felt like entertaining the idea of another relationship. But only you know when feels right.
One good thing is there are a lot of divorcees out there too with their own offspring, they understand our situation as they're in it themselves. Some would understand it's more about a matching life partner than any initial attraction, they will be more accommodating to your parenting commitments as you will to theirs too. Note, that non divorcees at our age are generally a little.... how to say it politely... well, there's a reason they're still single. Be warned.
Don't need to jump straight into apps, just see what happens naturally.
But when you're ready, I found Hinge great
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Just crop you in from family fun day pics or nights out etc, just being happy or doing something interesting, not posing for actual photos that make it look inorganic, it's not linked in!
On the cheeky comments side of things, once you get a feel for the type of person you have that should gel nicely, if not then they aren't your type of person in terms of silliness-humour vibes, which is important!
Just throw something silly/playful amidst normal conversation, there's no science to it, just roll with it:
6 months later and it's still there
On the cheeky comments side of things, once you get a feel for the type of person you have that should gel nicely, if not then they aren't your type of person in terms of silliness-humour vibes, which is important!
Just throw something silly/playful amidst normal conversation, there's no science to it, just roll with it:
6 months later and it's still there
Well a guy does have to work at it to a degree especially an average guy like me. I know what you mean tho, there are a lot of superficial women, super model types with generic looks and they do nothing for me, they just look dull and uninteresting and a bit fake not that I could get one anyway. I just swipe those ones and I concentrate on the more natural looking ones, I must admit I have developed a liking to dusty looking women with visible flaws but I do love individuality, I like chubby women with a bit of roughness to there looks.
Poetry
Well I'm not on there to attract men
But on a serious note, this is why so many men do poorly on these sites.
Women will invest time and money in their photos to get the best possible men on the apps. While most men don't barely make an effort. Then complain about not getting or minimal matches. And just settling for anything what comes their way.
I got some done 3 years ago, cost me about £300. Not only did it improve my match rate but it also improve the quality of women I matched with. Leading to more successful dates.
The person who runs the company said, its 95% women who comes to them about photos for dating profiles if its not wedding shoots. No wonder us men are getting battered in the dating market as if we don't by default already.
Guys, if you are not going to invest in yourself then you have no reason to complain about the negative outcomes you get in life. I'm not only talking about dating but just life in general.
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Yeah because that will work wonders
I'm not asking for much or maybe I am I don't know. I'm not looking for marriage but that doesn't mean I'm not looking for commitment I just want to find somebody special, preferably somebody who has self respect and have a long lasting relationship with her. Dating isn't just about meeting "the one" but also to meet many women along the way, friends and casual plus women I can keep in my social circles as they can help me out with dating things. Its handy to have a few female friends and I can put shelves up for them or other D.I.Y stuff in return.
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