Anyone else just bimble along through life?

[Uther]

I too have aphantasia and I’m far from content bumbling along. It sounds like the OP just hasn’t experienced life so is happy to do what he always has and get what he’s always got.

Which is a real shame because it has never been so easy to experience new things as it is now. But people have to want to do it, and at least make some effort.

 

[Roar87]

A complete lack of drive and motivation could be down to low testosterone, I'm laid back, but there's still things I enjoy doing and want to do.

 

[Mr Blonde]

I was like this all through my 20s but things seemed to happen after that without too much input from me to be honest. I was never one for goals or challenges at all and thought I'd just be trundling along and take whatever life threw at me for the rest of it. I was bullied in school and got depression then went into IT work by chance. I progressed, got bored, progressed, got bored, got a good dose of depression again and left the company and went in to contract work. I made some contacts while flitting between jobs and then did okay in the dot-com boom of the 90s and ended up doing some company start-ups and the likes with some fairly interesting people. Having earned a few bob by then I gave my ex the house and moved out and had a good time for a few years. Now at 55 and having left all that way behind I'd say joining a tennis club in my mid 30s and making 20 or so very good friends in one fail swoop and doing all sorts of fun stuff with some of them has been brilliant. Add to this getting a new partner in the process (a good while after leaving my ex I'll add) and enjoying a very compatible lifestyle together really stands out too. Finally, while having a random chat during a round of golf some ten years a go now, I've ended up house sitting for a few rich families while they jet-set about. Yes, I got lucky from time to time but after my crappy childhood I can't say I've ever felt guilty in any way about what transpired later on at all. Now...not that I consider myself ancient or a guru at all, but if there's one thing I did do reasonably well along the way, was that when a big decision was needed I had a very long and very hard think about all the likely implications of each path. As a consequence I've not had too many disasters along the way...so far.

 

[Electroshadow]

thanks for that post it helps me try to reassess my situation

 

[Zenduri]

I don't have a passport, but I get your point.

I like the idea of these things in theory but then when start to think about the hassle involved I just can't be arsed.

It's £75 and 5 weeks processing (have to attend a 15 min interview). i've not been abroad since i was a kid (school group passport). im 34 now........ and finally pulled my finger out my arse. There's tonnes of dirt cheap flights (£18 to Milan for example). I'm currently planning a weekend to Kiev and a day trip to Chernobyl

 

[lemonkettaz]

You may need to go see professional help.

Its all well and good sharing how you feel, but what is the point of everyone suggesting something and it being shot down by yourself...

Sometimes you have to just help yourself.

Not sure on your age, lifestyle (health), job role etc ... but you need to get a grip at some point yourself. I say professional help because sometimes counselling/mindfulness help can change peoples lives, its all cliche but its mostly true.

 

[malachi]

It's a shame looking at this thread and can see the reason why we have a problem with so many people on antidepressants on the rise.

Come on people, don't expect help if you are not willing to help yourself.

 

[Megahurtz400]

I do to an extent.

I like trying new things but nothing ever sticks for more than a few days/weeks.

Work too much so am always tired

 

[jonneymendoza]

Get a cheap flight and go visit a foreign country.You're wasting your life. I'm in my 50's now with health issues, so much closer to the end than the beginning, and certainly wished I had been a lot more adventurous when I was younger.

Just dont book through thomas cook...

 

[danlightbulb]

Is it shyness? I was a very shy child, and my default answer to almost every question I was asked was no. Its due to fear. My self esteem, and more importantly my self awareness, was non-existant.

At around age 30 I started to realise this, and it made me very depressed. I had a desire to change things but didnt know how. I got help in the end. The desire for change overcame the desire to do nothing.

Having children, then getting divorced and being a single dad, forced me to look after those two little people and it changed me massively. I discovered I just dont like doing things on my own, I like company. I think thats the shyness again, almost like i feel safer in a group, even if its just with my own kids.

I still get the desire to do nothing quite often, and sometimes thats what I do, but other times I force myself to do something. In the last 10 years, as well as looking after my kids (holidays, days out etc), I reached grade 4 piano, hike a lot with a group i met, learnt to scuba dive (although may not be able to continue that hobby unfortunately), got fit on a mountain bike, met new people from the dating sites, improved my wardrobe.

Life has to have a purpose. Having children changed me hugely and i would suggest finding a way to plan for that path, even if you dont quite like the idea.

Despite all the above Im still very shy, quiet person, not much of a talker and quite boring for other people to be around especially 1 to 1. Its just how i am.

 

[IvanDobskey]

I tend to bimble along taking things as they come myself. But I'm pretty good at reacting when I get a curve ball. Was made redundant at the beginning of the year, immediately went out and got myself a better job and then used the payoff to buy a bigger house. Got some plans going forward now.

Not everyone likes going abroad though. I can't really be bothered with the faff of it. Expensive and travel is a hassle.

My brother is obsessed with it, spends every penny he earns on city breaks. I'm the complete opposite, want to put my money into a nice home.

 

[steve45]

I have to say coming from a slightly different angle, but I have found myself feeling a bit the same in recent months/years. I have hobbies and have spent the last decade bouncing around the UK and the world, but in the last year I have become so weary of it all and lost a lot of motivation and passion, I just feel like drawing back and away from society, one that has changed so much in recent years that I no longer feel I share the same values or viewpoints with, interacting with people has just become so much work and so draining.

I now find, whenever I have spare time in evenings/weekends/holidays, with no desire to do anything, no desire to interact with people, just chill with a beer or two listening to music or something. In my mind I know I'm wasting time, just filling it with pointless and meaningless activities just to pass time. Lost a lot of motivation for my existing lifelong hobbies and have to force myself to go out so I don't turn full hermit.
I know I need to make some big changes to stoke that fire in me again. I just don't know what that is at the moment.

I watch these programmes/documentarys with people homesteading, living a spartan but fulfilled lifestyle and feel a huge draw to it, but I dunno if that sort of lifestyle is realistic or even achievable in the UK.

 

[Earth[Tera].bin]

You never said you are unhappy with your life at the moment, just that you seem to coast through life. Do you want to be doing more or just feel like you should be because it seems like every Tom, Dick and Harry are having great adventures, making money and living the high life.?

Not everyone's of the same mindset, won't all have the same goals and desires despite how much social and marketing pressures try to influence us.Maybe you just don't want to do anything, and there's nothing wrong with that as long as you are content with your life and if you're than count yourself lucky, most people are always searching for something, greener grass and all that stuff.

If you really won't more, and something's holding you back then in my own personal experience you probably already know what it is but choose to do nothing about it.

 

[LOAM]

Back in the olden days the solution to this was a mid 40's average life span. Problem solved.

 

[valve90210]

Ah, so you're not willing to actually change your life. You just want validation that what you're doing is OK.

Last year I was having a really tough time with life, everything seemed to be bleak and I felt I was stuck in place with regards to job, life situation etc etc and I felt I couldn't do anything to get myself out of it. When I talked to friends about it they all had ideas about what I could do to sort my life my out and make it better. I was feeling so negative I just shot every suggestion down with, what felt to me at the time, completely logical reasons as to why these suggestions wouldn't work or be possible.

But having finally - after a very, very bad brain day - I made contact with a counsellor and started seeing her every week and after a good bit of work I can see that the reason I shot everything down was not because I didn't think these suggestions would be helpful but was in fact because solutions were not what I wanted. What I wanted was understanding, empathy and reassurance that it was normal to feel the way I did in the situation I was in at the time. I'm intelligent enough to know the solutions if I think straight but I needed that reassurance that I was 'normal' etc.

No one can change your life but you, but you've been given an option but you're not doing it because you can't be arsed.

This may be harsh, but don't expect anyone else to improve your life. You have to be arsed. You have to do something different. You have to put the first foot forwards.

I completely agree with this! I had spent a lot of my life waiting for opportunities and fun and the things I wanted to do in life to come knocking and presenting themselves to me. It took me having essentially a breakdown to open my eyes to the fact that nothing will come to me, ever! I need to go out and do the fun things, the things I want to do. I need to get out there and make and take the opportunities!

An example, for as long as I can remember I had wanted to try dancing, Salsa or something like that, but I had never done it, I had waited for a friend or partner to want to do it but in that time I never did it. Then at one point just over 2 years ago I just got up and went along to Ceroc, by myself - and I have no idea what gave me the drive or confidence to do it at that time - and I loved it! Since then I have made some really, really great friends, danced in all sorts of places around the country, been on dance weekenders and gotten better and better as a dancer and grown hugely in confidence. I pushed myself to put the first foot forward (actually backwards in Ceroc…) and it has really been a huge change for me and a catalyst for much greater change in the rest of my life too.

 

[Raymond Lin]

First step. Go get a passport. Go do it tonight, start the process.

Then why not just go somewhere? What do you like? What’s your favourite food? Just go there for a few days (assuming Europe).
I like beer, so I went to Munich.
I like paella so I went to Spain.

Now, ask yourself. WHy haven’t you applied for a passport? Stop thinking and start doing!

Apathy is the biggest killer of time, and you can stop it. Right now. Click this link and do!

https://www.passport.service.gov.uk...0941.544931176.1569270156-13837551.1568108883

Amen!

Give me the slightest excuse and I will go to a place.

I went to Bologna so that I can try Spaghetti Bolognese from the origin.
I went to Copenhagen to try Danish pastry.
I went to Dublin to have a pint of Guinness.

I go to places for all kinds of reasons but food is as good a reason as any other, we all love food right?!

But in the end it is just an excuse to see places, explore. I bet you when we die we are not going to regret not watching X or Y TV shows or regret not buying that 60” TV. What we are going to reflect and regret on is not asking certain girl out or not going to see certain places.

 

[Teddy65]

This is a really sad post to read. I am 65 i've just joined this forum and had a fulfilling life so far. I am now widowed but I have loved and even at my age, I hope i will love again. Don't bumble through life. I am now exploring as many hobbies as possible. You need to find something that excites you and feels rewarding. Sometimes a good PC game gives you a thrill, but it's short-lived. I've taken up sports and DIY and to be honest every time I walk passed my deceased wives dresser that I recently fixed, i wished I had done it sooner. Would have saved a few ear aches that's for sure!

 

[tom_nieto]

I went to Copenhagen to try Danish pastry.

They really are awesome! Also Copenhagen is such a nice place to be.

OP - I'd suggest joining a gym or a sports club. I've been "too busy" to do exercise at the moment and it's really affected me mentally. One of the things I'm really looking forward to once my PhD thesis and FRCS exams are out of the way is actually spending some of that time on exercising. It's a great way to totally clear the mind, and I definitely sleep better if I'm active.

Make sure you take your annual leave! 16 working days of holiday would give you loads of time to make a decent start to any hobby or activity. Heck, even go to the library and sit in a corner and read.

Where are you based?

EDIT: in answer to the original question, no I don't bimble through life. In fact I need to live until I'm 120 to actually achieve everything that I want to!

 

[Terminal_Boy]

I bimbled aimlessly through my twenties and early thirties. No plan, no path, no idea.

Always enjoyed myself though. Skiing holidays, clay shooting, spannering for local bike racers and sinking a few pints on a Saturday.

 

[thegreysquirrel]

Amen!

Give me the slightest excuse and I will go to a place.

This is how I try to live many aspects of my life. I had a dream about playing a didgeridoo so bought one the next day and learnt to play it over the following weeks, same with a kilt that I wore throughout my student days, I've even traveled to countries just to see one thing (i.e. the statue of david or a baseball game in new york). I think the smallest excuse is usually the best one.

If you try to justify things too much then the appeal goes.

Nobody is going to drag you into an adventurous life, and even then those lives only exist on instragram. The best you can do is enjoy the smaller things and have manageable dreams (you can always scale them up once you've taken the first steps). My dream at the moment is to walk the Pennine Way.