Relational issues...

Psy-Blade

Psy-Blade

Psy-Blade

Associate
Joined
11 Jun 2009
Posts
449
Hey guys,

Well I'm not one to usualy ask for advice on this but I'm between a rock and a hard place at the moment. If I didn't even attempt to tap into the knowledge and experience here I'd be silly...

I've been together with my gf for almost 5 years now. We were great, for 4 of those years (apparently; this is all news to me). She's recently moved to London and I'm trying to do the same when my job will allow.

Basically she feels we're in a rut, and I can work on that, I know that much. But some of the issues she has I could probably do with some advice on.

She's moved in with some housemates, most of whom use recreational drugs, but non of them are addicts and it isn't a regular thing. One of the thing that she does want to try is MDMA. I was immediately against this and this has set this whole thing off. She is worried that if she spends her whole teenage/young adult life with me (Im 24, she's 22 now) that she will regret that she didn't try these things.

So... I've thought about it and well, I should encourage and nurture her in things she wants to try. I've decided to let her try it at a small house party (We know the majority of the people there, its at her house). I'm going to attend but drink as I usually do. I've thought about joining her but it doesn't do anything for me. So I can be there and make sure things go ok; stopping me worrying too. I've told her the major issue I have is it becoming a habit, and she's assured me that she has no such intentions. I've also read around the drug and took in all the information and it sounds safe (not saying legal) and fairly controllable.

So... what do you guys think, am i doing the 'right' thing?


UPDATE:

Some of you guys aren't reading the whole thread ( I don't blame you), so here's an update.

After some good advice here I'm not going to be present when she try's it. I've figured out I'm more worried to lose her to a world of drugs than for her to try it. I have no irrational fear of drugs, I have friends who take them, and that doesn't bother me at all. I'm going to stop pushing her away and instead help her explore what she wants to explore. I've told her this now, but I've also told her that if it goes to far I can't carry on. I'm not going to ditch her to ruin her life, but I'll help her if and when I can, but not as her boyfriend.

She seems OK about this, the idea of her trying it at home and not a huge party was hers, and she's happy for this to happen still. She's not going to jump into anything now, and as a result of our 'rut' she'll try and put it off until we're back on our usual rails.
 
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Psy-Blade said:
Hey guys,

Well I'm not one to usualy ask for advice on this but I'm between a rock and a hard place at the moment. If I didn't even attempt to tap into the knowledge and experience here I'd be silly...

I've been together with my gf for almost 5 years now. We were great, for 4 of those years (apparently; this is all news to me). She's recently moved to London and I'm trying to do the same when my job will allow.

Basically she feels we're in a rut, and I can work on that, I know that much. But some of the issues she has I could probably do with some advice on.

She's moved in with some housemates, most of whom use recreational drugs, but non of them are addicts and it isn't a regular thing. One of the thing that she does want to try is MDMA. I was immediately against this and this has set this whole thing off. She is worried that if she spends her whole teenage/young adult life with me (Im 24, she's 22 now) that she will regret that she didn't try these things.

So... I've thought about it and well, I should encourage and nurture her in things she wants to try. I've decided to let her try it at a small house party (We know the majority of the people there, its at her house). I'm going to attend but drink as I usually do. I've thought about joining her but it doesn't do anything for me. So I can be there and make sure things go ok; stopping me worrying too. I've told her the major issue I have is it becoming a habit, and she's assured me that she has no such intentions. I've also read around the drug and took in all the information and it sounds safe (not saying legal) and fairly controllable.

So... what do you guys think, am i doing the 'right' thing?
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You sound like you are trying to control her, in fact you sound a bit like her dad, maybe you are driving her away?
 
Came in here expecting database/SQL issues.

Imagine my disappointment.

EDIT: If you have issues with drugs, then you're pretty much going to have to break up with her, as it sounds as though she is intent on giving them a go, and her living environment is not exactly helpful on that front.
 
vonhelmet said:
Came in here expecting database/SQL issues.

Imagine my disappointment.

EDIT: If you have issues with drugs, then you're pretty much going to have to break up with her, as it sounds as though she is intent on giving them a go, and her living environment is not exactly helpful on that front.
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LOL
 
My only piece of advice is not to be there when she tries it. She is going to do it anyway. She will need people there who are also having the same experience and nobody else.
 
Hmmm, I'm normally not so harsh with my comments but as I read your post these things came to mind:

That's nice that she lets you think that you can dictate her drug taking, if she wants to take she will, you're not with her as she's moved away, she might be breaking you into the fact that she's already done it.

Also, there's no upper age limit to taking drugs so saying she wants to do it while she's young is...well nuts...is she saying she wants to take them before she matures enough to think, "hmmm that's a bad idea I won't do that"?

Finally your g/f wants to start being a druggie? How do you know it won't increase or she will want to experiment more once she starts?

People change as they get older and mature, I think your g/f is changing into someone you don't want her to be.

I also think you are setting yourself up for grief in the future, just seems like a slippery slope downhill from here...if it was me the relationship would be dead in the water at that stage, you'll have to gauge how happy you are with the idea - if you're not happy with the idea it's not going to work.

Finally - don't lower yourself to her level just for the sake of being with her - there are others out there.
 
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its simple. its her choice what she does


you have the option to comment and offer your opinion but beyond that you have to let her make her own choices in life

you have your choices, and if it turns out that its something she does too often and you dont like it, then you have the choice to leave her

each to their own and all that......and probablly the best way to keep her to is let her be herself

and i agree, dont be there when she does it
 
So your bird is going to try some drugs and you’re going to stand over her and watch. Don't do it. What are you going to do when she wants it do it again. You can’t control everything. Methinks you might be looking at your relationship and wondering whether it’s worth carrying on.
 
She's going to resent you for doing it. Leave her to it, if it becomes a problem, then you'll have to talk about it or move on with your life if she's not willing to compromise.
 
Hun, honestly it is very heroic of you to want to take care of her and hold her hand, seriously you are supporting her and saying it's alright to take POISON!!! By keeping an eye on her.

If she wants to take E she'd have taken it by now.

Ask yourself this, do you want to be there when the ambulance shows up at the door to cart her away...yes I maybe blowing it up all out of proportion yadda yadda yadda BUT you don't know how her body will react to it.

Tell her to get her own life, she doesn't have to do everything her mates does and grow the heck up!!!

Remember children drugs are bad!!!

PS you know the real girl, if you watch her get high her alter-personalities will come out and she may show a side of her you don't like, or say something to you and reveal some of her own truths...will you still love her then?
 
OldCoals said:
You sound like you are trying to control her, in fact you sound a bit like her dad, maybe you are driving her away?
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reevsy said:
Bet she's gonna have a blinding night with you watching over her!
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these

Linda said:
Ask yourself this, do you want to be there when the ambulance shows up at the door to cart her away...yes I maybe blowing it up all out of proportion yadda yadda yadda
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yeah you are a bit
 
You are considering letting her try MDMA? Are you for real? I don't mean the drugs, I mean the fact you seem to think you have some kind of rights to grant or deny her choices and behaviour. No wonder she thinks you're in a "rut"...

MDMA isn't really habit forming; it's essentially a massive SSRI (selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitor) and doesn't work so strongly on dopamine receptors. Studies have shown it can have a measurable effect on visuospatial working memory and the central executive with extreme use (several pills a night, several nights a week, for years on end) but the effects are even then rather small in all honesty.

Provided she stays hydrated, doesn't sit in a stifling club bouncing up and down in a bin liner for six hours, and refrains from drinking a few dozen gallons at once, she'll likely just trip her **** off, chat **** for a couple of hours, and want to show the world how much she really, really loves it for a bit. She should also be sure she sources carefully, or rather that her friends do, and that they 'trust' the source. Some unscrupulous street dealers will happily cut pills with everything from ketamine to heroin. If it's actually MDMA (pure powder) rather than ecstasy tablets, that's not really a consideration as much.

But that's definitely not medical advice. :D

EDIT: Some more information (very detailed, often to clinical level) at Erowid.org - a well regarded informational site.
 
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