How to stop being so immature/jealous

sports_brah

sports_brah

sports_brah

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I realise this is a bit of a immature post, but I want to get over myself in the new year.

Basically the question is; how do I grow as a person to be more secure in myself and stop being so jealous about my girlfriend?

An understandable question maybe if I was 17, But I'm in my early 20's....
 
[FnG]magnolia;23514912 said:
The issue is 100% with you and is less about confidence than it is trust.

In short - you should break up with your girlfriend. For her sake, not yours.
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This is a very interesting post....

So you reckon I'm not a particularly trusting individual? How does one go about changing that?
 
Fiction, when we're not together
Mistaken for a vision, something of my own creation
I wake up alone, with only daylight between us
Last night the world was beneath us, tonight comes, dear love
Were we torn apart by the break of day?
You're more than I can believe, would ever come my way

Fiction, when we're not together
Mistaken for a vision, something of my own creation
Come real love, why do I refuse you?
Cause if my fear's right, I risk to lose you
And if I just might wake up alone
Bring on the night

Fiction, when we're not together
Mistaken for a vision, something of my own creation
Any certainties, how am I to tell?
I know your face all too well, still I wake up alone

Fiction, when we're not together
 
sports_brah said:
This is a very interesting post....

So you reckon I'm not a particularly trusting individual? How does one go about changing that?
Click to expand...

To be fair it goes both ways. Any relationship does.

It's up to you on the one hand not to make up stories about what she might be doing when you're not together and on the other it's up to her to make you feel secure through word and action.
 
:/ sometimes it takes harsh reality to change you. I was with a guy who treat me like crap and I was insecure, jealous, needy, etc etc. He split up with me and you would have thought the world had ended. I just couldn't see what an idiot I had become in the whole process. I didn't see anyone for about 18 months afterward and I argued with my parents, they kicked me out and I basically set myself on a path of destruction (no drugs mind :p).

After a while I became close friends with my now fiancé and we've been together over 3 years and I have none of the jealousy or insecurities with him because I know we are right for each other - there's no need to be jealous and he doesn't do anything to make me jealous either.

You might know him - he's "TheBadger" on here :)!

Tl:dr? Get over your own insecurities first.
 
Having been on both sides of this, I can tell you without a doubt that if you don't sort it your relationship has no future.

It's evident that you don't trust her, whether that's because she's untrustworthy, you're untrustworthy, or you have massive self confidence issues.

Unless you can figure out what's causing it and fix it, I'd advise breaking up with her, because otherwise it's unfair on her and you're probably making her life a misery.
 
I have self confidence issues, no doubt about that. Whilst I feel I'm falling prey of FNG_Magnolias signatures, I can say that I have low self esteem and haven't yet found my feet in the world.

The question about whether she is untrustworthy or not, I'm finding it hard to differentiate between my feelings on the matter and the truth.

First off, it's worth stating that if I didn't like her enormously......I wouldn't be in a relationship with her. She is a wonderful girl who I am always happy to spend my time with.

90% of the time there is no issue, it's not like everyday I'm gnawing my paws off thinking about the worst case scenario etc.

It's just the occasional things that niggle. For example, having made plans to see someone she knew a couple of years ago. To what extent did she know him? I don't have a clue.

But it irked me something wicked.
 
sports_brah said:
This is a very interesting post....

So you reckon I'm not a particularly trusting individual? How does one go about changing that?
Click to expand...

I have no idea, I"m only replying to what you said in your OP. When you say you're jealous of your girlfriend, I imagine you mean you worry that she will do something (or someone, ha!) that you don't approve of? Or is this an academic thread where you're concerned that she's brighter than you and will shine more fully at Uni than you might ever do because, and this is an universal truth, if it's the latter no one cares. Even if it's the first one, it's barely tolerable.

You 'get over yourself' (this is not a term adults use in any meaningful way and is a clue that you were correct in your own self-diagnosis) by growing up and learning and trusting and being trustworthy. In my opinion.

How old are you and how old is she or he? If you're both 16 years old I'm going to be really annoyed about wasting the time it took to type this.

e : also, welcome (or re-welcome) to the forums!
 
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Swap your GF for a dog ugly jutt and sleep easy knowing that nobody but you would go there.
 
sports_brah said:
The question about whether she is untrustworthy or not, I'm finding it hard to differentiate between my feelings on the matter and the truth.
Click to expand...

If you can't pin down something she's done that's untrustworthy, it's you.

sports_brah said:
First off, it's worth stating that if I didn't like her enormously......I wouldn't be in a relationship with her. She is a wonderful girl who I am always happy to spend my time with.
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Do you feel she's "better than you"?

sports_brah said:
It's just the occasional things that niggle. For example, having made plans to see someone she knew a couple of years ago. To what extent did she know him? I don't have a clue.

But it irked me something wicked.
Click to expand...

Flip the situation round - if you wanted to meet up with an old friend, how would you feel if your partner mistrusted you so much they automatically thought you were "up to something"?
 
Depends, if your girl friend is going out all the time on the town with her mates?
 
[FnG]magnolia;23515129 said:
I have no idea, I"m only replying to what you said in your OP. When you say you're jealous of your girlfriend, I imagine you mean you worry that she will do something (or someone, ha!) that you don't approve of? Or is this an academic thread where you're concerned that she's brighter than you and will shine more fully at Uni than you might ever do because, and this is a universal truth, if it's the latter no one cares. Even if it's the first one, it's barely tolerable.

You 'get over yourself' (this is not a term adults use in any meaningful way and is a clue that you were correct in your own self-diagosis) by growing up and learning and trusting and being trustworthy. In my opinion.

How old are you and how old is she or he? If you're both 16 years old I'm going to be really annoyed about wasting the time it took to type this.

e : also, welcome (or re-welcome) to the forums!
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It's nothing about intelligence, we're both smart academically. I'm honestly not bothered about superficial things like that!

The issue I have is that I have a view to things in the long term, and the last thing I'd want would be to develop things with this girl and to be found incompatible , which would be bad for both me and her.

Basically the premise is this:

I like her enormously and would seriously consider taking things further. And whilst I know she likes me enormously as well, I've got a niggling feeling in the back of my mind that she has qualms about something. What it is I'm not sure.

And we're both in our 20's.

Haggisman said:
If you can't pin down something she's done that's untrustworthy, it's you.

Do you feel she's "better than you"?

Flip the situation round - if you wanted to meet up with an old friend, how would you feel if your partner mistrusted you so much they automatically thought you were "up to something"?
Click to expand...

If they were just friends, why would I care? I don't see an issue with a girl having friends that are boys. However as stated I'm not sure to what their previous relationship status was.

And I don't think she's better than me, though she is more social than me.
 
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