1 Big problem in relationship

[nick.lidgett]

name 1 good reason to get married?

I get 50% of my wives house


I never wanted to get married, all my friends and family knew it, girls who stuck around long enough found out too. Then I met this girl and something inside my brain changed and all I could think about was getting her down the aisle. To this day it was the best thing I have ever done. She is not just my wife, she is my best friend, I guess the OP has not found "Mrs Right" so to speak, or maybe he has but is too blinded by finance. I appreciate a bad experience may have helped make him have these feelings, but the saying "they are all the same" is definitely not true.

Saying that, I guess you can be crazy in love without getting hitched, I just cant imagine it, if it feels anything like the relationship I am lucky to have.

 

[LordSplodge]

I would only enter a relationship with a woman if she had a similar amount of wealth.

When do you ask how much she is worth? What happens if this changes during your relationship?

None of the men I know, including myself had anything but a cursory involvement in the wedding plans!!

Perhaps I am the odd one out?

If a man has little to no involvement in planning his wedding then he shouldn't complain about the wedding he gets!

I'm probably atypical for a man but I was involved in a lot, from date, choice of colours, number of carriages for the steam train and more. I didn't get any say on the dress she wore though!

 

[No1newts]

It's probably been mentioned but cohabitation can also bring about a split in assets up to 50%.

I forget the case law (it's been years) but essentially acting married and living together and all the rest can bring about implied rights to couples.

 

[[FnG]magnolia]

My word, this is like reading a mumsnet thread written by drunk children.

And let me tell you - I am loving it

Content : OP, you sound more scared of the relationship failing (and losing loot) than you sound happy to be in one. Whilst I can understand that given your history, it will make it extremely difficult if she expects to get married.

I think you're wrong to have given her the "well, maybe in the future" angle when it's demonstrably clear from your very first post that this is just nonsense. That doesn't seem like a terribly good idea.

 

[413x]

My word, this is like reading a mumsnet thread written by drunk children.

And let me tell you - I am loving it

Content : OP, you sound more scared of the relationship failing (and losing loot) than you sound happy to be in one. Whilst I can understand that given your history, it will make it extremely difficult if she expects to get married.

I think you're wrong to have given her the "well, maybe in the future" angle when it's demonstrably clear from your very first post that this is just nonsense. That doesn't seem like a terribly good idea.

Wow, i agree

I get 50% of my wives house


I never wanted to get married, all my friends and family knew it, girls who stuck around long enough found out too. Then I met this girl and something inside my brain changed and all I could think about was getting her down the aisle. To this day it was the best thing I have ever done. She is not just my wife, she is my best friend, I guess the OP has not found "Mrs Right" so to speak, or maybe he has but is too blinded by finance. I appreciate a bad experience may have helped make him have these feelings, but the saying "they are all the same" is definitely not true.

Saying that, I guess you can be crazy in love without getting hitched, I just cant imagine it, if it feels anything like the relationship I am lucky to have.

you are lucky

 

[nick.lidgett]

My word, this is like reading a mumsnet thread written by drunk children.

And let me tell you - I am loving it

Content : OP, you sound more scared of the relationship failing (and losing loot) than you sound happy to be in one. Whilst I can understand that given your history, it will make it extremely difficult if she expects to get married.

I think you're wrong to have given her the "well, maybe in the future" angle when it's demonstrably clear from your very first post that this is just nonsense. That doesn't seem like a terribly good idea.

where is the real magnolia and why are you using his OcUK account?

 

[starfighter]

At what point do you judge wealth? First date? Second date? After all, why continue to see her if she's really poor ...

It is hard to know if someone has savings but you can tell if they own thier own home or have a similar level of job.

Wealth isn't the most important thing in a relationship. I want a girlfriend that firstly is as intelligent as I am. Secondry on how she looks and after that hope she is roughly as wealthy as me.

It is hard to know if you should stick with someone who isn't an exact match. You could dump her and no one more suitable will come along. Or you might stick with her and miss oppertunitites for a better relationship.

Either way I can understand the problem of marrying somone with a lot less money than you. 50% of relationships end in divorce and the law favours the women. Or atleast gives half thw money to the originally less well of person.

Gotta find someone as similar to you as possible in every aspect. But it aint easy. Changing divorce law would help however.

 

[V4NT0M]

YOLO

/thread

 

[LordSplodge]

50% of relationships end in divorce and the law favours the women. Or atleast gives half thw money to the originally less well of person.

Gotta find someone as similar to you as possible in every aspect. But it aint easy. Changing divorce law would help however.

Why would changing the divorce law help? A better thing to resolve is *why* divorce rates are so high. Thankfully they're falling again.

 

[Locky]

Marriage only works for penniless people (like me ) so if you got nothing to lose, what the hell.

 

[V4NT0M]

Wait wait wait...

Prenup?

 

[Gregster]

Marriage only works for penniless people (like me ) so if you got nothing to lose, what the hell.

Half of nothing is nothing, so very good point

I feel sorry for people who put money over love and feel it can't actually be love they are feeling.

 

[Haggisman]

I feel sorry for people who put money over love

You mean women?

 

[Gregster]

You mean women?

No mate, I am a fella and not all women are mean

 

[CREATIVE!11]

Good job OP for sticking to your guns man, I really mean that from bottom of my heart.

Such a good job, because so many guys are just whipped and too pathetic to stand their ground when a woman whinges and they cater to her every needs.

However it's a tough one OP, she said she'd sign prenup so I think fair enough but her bullcrapp guilt tripping saying she is not good enough is pathetic. Pulling that kind of crapp tells me she is not emotionally mature enough to be trusted with your money at stake.

 

[Gregster]

 

[CREATIVE!11]

TBH I'd say stay apart. You clearly don't love/trust her and are more bothered about your money than being happy together.

You're using the fact that you paid more into the house to gain power in the relationship.

Let's all go live in fairy-tale land with the unicorns just like the Disney films!!1

If you loved her and trusted her and wanted to spend the rest of your life with her you would get married, 70k or not. You cannot play the "what if" game with anyone you are looking to marry.

Idealistic and stupid at best, I suggest you take a look at divorce rates.

It's natural for people to drift apart that is completely ok and in fact going by statistics normal too, but also OP wanting to protect his money is PERFECTLY normal and 100% justified too. No question about it all this love and trust crapp from films needs to stop just because he is protecting what he has worked for doesn't mean he doesn't love and trust her lol, what planet do some of you live on....

Even if trusted her fully I would not chance losing 70K for a second time, no way, not until the law is changed and is it made more fair, if she loves you she should understand, she is in a relationship with someone she loves, you have a lot more to lose than her just for the sake of her having her 'big day'.

Precisely. If she loves OP why does she not understand? apparently according to this forum you should risk it all or you don't love the person....some skewed logic in this place.

 

[BuffetSlayer]

Precisely. If she loves OP why does she not understand? apparently according to this forum you should risk it all or you don't love the person....some skewed logic in this place.

Ah yes - but what message does that send out? He does not trust her.

Trust is kind of important in a relationship, and knowing the women I have known in my life - putting money over the relationship is just a no no.

He is effectively telling her "I love you dear but I don't trust you"

She will not take that news too well, nor do I imagine any woman would. In most peoples heads the two things are mutually inclusive.

Its a tough position to be in. I think the OP failed when he decided to buy a house in the first place. Sure, by all means buy a house - but why put all of your money into it if she can't match it? Seems like an odd thing to do in the first place if the OP is concerned about money, particulalry where relationships are concerned?

But then to say marriage is not completely off the cards is just a bit of wanting your cake and eat it in my opinion. At least have the back bone to let her go and move on. If you don't have the back bone to do that, the least you can do is marry her. But to string her along on a maybe is just a really lame thing to do (again just my opinion).

 

[CREATIVE!11]

Ah yes - but what message does that send out? He does not trust her.

Trust is kind of important in a relationship, and knowing the women I have known in my life - putting money over the relationship is just a no no.

He is effectively telling her "I love you dear but I don't trust you"

She will not take that news too well, nor do I imagine any woman would. In most peoples heads the two things are mutually inclusive.

Its a tough position to be in. I think the OP failed when he decided to buy a house in the first place. Sure, by all means buy a house - but why put all of your money into it if she can't match it? Seems like an odd thing to do in the first place if the OP is concerned about money, particulalry where relationships are concerned?

But then to say marriage is not completely off the cards is just a bit of wanting your cake and eat it in my opinion. At least have the back bone to let her go and move on. If you don't have the back bone to do that, the least you can do is marry her. But to string her along on a maybe is just a really lame thing to do (again just my opinion).

I'll just post this

For example I work 15 hours a day for years to get to where I'm at business wise. Ceaseless labour. Focus. Anxiety. Risk. Sacrificing my time and health.

I get married. Awesome. But like most couples, over the years we grow and evolve and wind up realizing we're good friends but better apart. Poof! 50% (60%?) of the value that I've received in exchange for my work before we ever met is gone.

Even a pre-nup will not prevent this. Ridiculous.

Do I value the woman's contribution to a marriage? OF COURSE. She puts in time with the kids, keeping the family life together, and all sorts of contributions that can't really be measured. That's why I'm all about CHILD support until after college, and even structuring a situation where the girl I was with can get back on her feet and become self-sufficient.

I wanted to get married one day, I'm personally frustrated by it. But I'm not going to play financial ransom with a girl who I'm supposed to be in a FUN/NURTURING relationship with.

You simply CANNOT rely on another person's emotions (girl OR guy), which are as unpredictable as the weather, to invest FIFTY PERCENT of your belongings into. There's just no way.

I only applying logic and divorcing the issues of trust and emotions and all the guilt tripping. from the situation I do agree with you too an extent that yes he should have made smarter decisions about the house etc I'm just further clarifying my stance on OP to anyone else who goes over my posts.

 

[wickfut]

Ah yes - but what message does that send out? He does not trust her.

And what message is she sending to him? I know you don't want to do it but I want my superficial ceremony and a gold ring which grants me 50% of your stuff. Give it to me or I'm leaving this relationship we've built up.

So she's ready to chuck whatever they have down the toilet because she can't get to play princess for a day and wear a gold ring.

Trust is kind of important in a relationship, and knowing the women I have known in my life - putting money over the relationship is just a no no.

He is effectively telling her "I love you dear but I don't trust you"

He's basically saying "I've been through this once before and come out very badly. I'm not going to make the same mistake again."

She will not take that news too well, nor do I imagine any woman would.

Diddums

Its a tough position to be in. I think the OP failed when he decided to buy a house in the first place. Sure, by all means buy a house - but why put all of your money into it if she can't match it? Seems like an odd thing to do in the first place if the OP is concerned about money, particulalry where relationships are concerned?

He probably bought the house because he loves her and wants to be with her, but doesn't want to have it taken away from him should she decide that one day when he doesn't jump at her request that it's time for her to leave and take it with her, maybe?
It's easy for a person to make demands when they have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

But then to say marriage is not completely off the cards is just a bit of wanting your cake and eat it in my opinion. At least have the back bone to let her go and move on. If you don't have the back bone to do that, the least you can do is marry her. But to string her along on a maybe is just a really lame thing to do (again just my opinion).

Yeah I agree. A bit spineless being so sure you don't want marriage and then saying "well maybe?" because she gives you an ultimatum. Is this the type of relationship anyone would want though? What happens once they're married, will she continue to make ultimatums with threats to leave each time it doesn't go her way? Then she'll really have him over a barrel and it'll be too late.

I once had an ultimatum off my ex wife. I helped her pack and she was gone within 10 minutes.