A test of wit, should you choose to accept it!

arctine said:
I vote ban the OP for inducing dangerous levels of cringe with his lack of charisma and wit. This is the least funny thread I'll ever post in.
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I said it was a test of wit, didn't I? ;) But I guess you didn't have the wit enough to realize the only way was out. :p

howiepoohs said:
A test of wits? You were half right.
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See, you're catching on pretty quick. The most creative slaughter of the jokes gets the biscuits. :) If like Judgeneo, you have more fuel for the fire -- feel free to add it!
 
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mrk said:
Sort of sniggered at a few. But others were a bit try-hard :p
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Then academia is not for you, sir. :p

Seriously, these are perfect if you know a group of very polite people.

Take them out, deploy jokes, and observe the pain, the confusion and the billowing laughter out of the sheer sense of maintaining a supporting air of social grace to one's fellows, and the almost existential realisation that it is all for naught and a straight face is the only thing which may keep your sanity intact. Every time they send you a card of any sort, they'll remember, oh how they will indeed! :)
 
The man has taste!

mrk said:
Whoah there!

This has suddenly become r/iamverysmart.
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image.jpg


Look beyond the concrete, the possibilities are endless. :D
 
Found all of them hilarious except for #3 and #11. Number #2 is okay, but predictable.

EDIT: Well, having read the rest of the thread, seems I'm in the minority. I thought they were ace. Maybe you're pitching these at the wrong level. Let me try:

*Knock knock*
Who's there?
"poo"
"poo who?"
"why not check your letterbox and find out?"

Am I doing this right?
 
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lsg1r said:
As Mynight I sadly knew all but 1 of them (hadn't heard of the Bechdel test) but didn't particularly find any funny.
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I also understood all of them apart from the reference to the Bechdel test, but I'm not sad about having a wide range of knowledge. I also found most of them amusing, but that's down to perception of humour which is of course highly subjective.

So I looked up the Bechdel test. I did know about the test itself, I'd just forgotten the name of it.
 
h4rm0ny said:
Found all of them hilarious except for #3 and #11. Number #2 is okay, but predictable.

EDIT: Well, having read the rest of the thread, seems I'm in the minority. I thought they were ace. Maybe you're pitching these at the wrong level. Let me try:

*Knock knock*
Who's there?
"poo"
"poo who?"
"why not check your letterbox and find out?"

Am I doing this right?
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Glorious! Your bold attempt earns you a set of introductory topology jokes.

#1
A rabbi, a priest and an automorphism walk into a bar...

Rabbi: "We should chat one-to-one."
Priest: "We can't! I think he's onto us!"

Automorphism smiles quietly.

#2
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip? To get to the same side! *badum-tish*

#3
2006_11_23_damn_topologists.jpg


Mynight said:
Won't lie I avoided everything to do with that.
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It made gaming interestingly awkward for a while. The Twitch-streamer chat wars were magical! Of course, I blame Americans for everything. :D

bainbridge said:
Got about half of them, none were that funny.

Reminds me of Stuart Lee.
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A few of the subjectivelly, if you don't know them in advance, off ones remind me of Ricky Gervais too.

Angilion said:
I also understood all of them apart from the reference to the Bechdel test, but I'm not sad about having a wide range of knowledge. I also found most of them amusing, but that's down to perception of humour which is of course highly subjective.

So I looked up the Bechdel test. I did know about the test itself, I'd just forgotten the name of it.
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True, true. :) My friends use things like that to test whether I'm human or not. I succeed... occasionally!:o
 
Tshh, you lot are all awful, have some more classics:

Heisenberg was pulled over by a cop whilst driving,
"Sir, do you know how fast you were going?"
"No," Replied Heisenberg "but I know exactly where i am"


A photon checked into a hotel, and the receptionist asked if it had any luggage.
"No, I'm travelling light"
 
Judgeneo said:
Tshh, you lot are all awful, have some more classics:

Heisenberg was pulled over by a cop whilst driving,
"Sir, do you know how fast you were going?"
"No," Replied Heisenberg "but I know exactly where i am"


A photon checked into a hotel, and the receptionist asked if it had any luggage.
"No, I'm travelling light"
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Aha, I'm not alone in this world!

*Puts a cup down* To me this is a doughnut.
 
This is the best I could do.





  1. What do you get if you cross a joke with a rhetorical question? -- A riot.
  2. Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn’t. -- Physicists with pets are banned from the premises.
  3. I tried walking up a hill without a watch but had neither the time nor the inclination. -- Get off your backside.
  4. What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know and I don't care. -- Seek professional help.
  5. What do you get when you cross an octopus with a cow? A reprimand from the Scientific Integrity and Professional Ethics Committee and immediate withdrawal of your grant funding. -- I thought something smelled fishy.
  6. Your mum is so mean, she has no standard deviation. -- She needs to loosen up.
  7. A German asks for a martini. "Dry?" says the bartender. "Nein, just one." -- You have a shocking taste in music.
  8. Two women walk into a bar and discuss the Bechdel test. -- Read more fiction.
  9. Pavlov is sitting at a bar, when all of the sudden the phone rings. Pavlov gasps, "Oh no, I forgot to feed the dogs". -- Call the RSPCA.
  10. How many Marxists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, the lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution. -- Sanction! See me in two weeks with your job search history.
  11. I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it. -- Said the suicide note *grabs coat*.
 
datalol-jack said:
Aha, I'm not alone in this world!

*Puts a cup down* To me this is a doughnut.
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Damned topologists, always drinking their doughnuts and eating their tea. Our bin is full of broken china and our sink is clogged with crumbs.


Hear about the guy who was cooled to absolute zero? Hes 0K now


A engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are on a train travelling through Scotland, they look out the window and see a black cow in an open field.
"Look! All cows in Scotland must be black" Exclaimed the engineer.
"Nay, we only know that there is at least one black cow in Scotland" said the physicist
"All we know is that there is at least one cow in Scotland of which at least one side in black" said the mathematician.


16 Sodium atoms walk into a bar, followed by Batman.
 
Judgeneo said:
Damned topologists, always drinking their doughnuts and eating their tea. Our bin is full of broken china and our sink is clogged with crumbs.


Hear about the guy who was cooled to absolute zero? Hes 0K now


A engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are on a train travelling through Scotland, they look out the window and see a black cow in an open field.
"Look! All cows in Scotland must be black" Exclaimed the engineer.
"Nay, we only know that there is at least one black cow in Scotland" said the physicist
"All we know is that there is at least one cow in Scotland of which at least one side in black" said the mathematician.


16 Sodium atoms walk into a bar, followed by Batman.
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Excellent, they are multiplying. :)

A rational farmer turns to his wife and says: "Darling, I can't take you any more. At the root, you're just too negative!"

A pure mathematician and a statistician are chasing the same love interest. The woman gives up on the whole charade, and sets a challenge: whoever reaches her first from 20 paces away can ask her out.

The mathematician goes first. Thinks for an hour, and exclaims: 'This is unfair -- I'll never close an infinite distance in a finite number of steps.'

Storms off.

The statistician doesn't think. Runs up to the girl, and says: 'Good enough!' *troll face*
 
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