Am i being oversensitive or do i have a point here
- Thread starter Tefal
- Start date
It's rude. It would be polite of them to speak in English even if you were the tag along, assuming their English was both good enough to not interfere too much with their socializing. As their friend was the tag along, it was definitely rude and you're not being "over-sensitive". Over-sensitive is when you get offended by something you shouldn't. Something that makes a meaningful practical difference such as being socially excluded without reason is almost by definition not "over-sensitive".
Perfectly reasonable to expect them to speak English. I meet friends from all over Europe every summer in Germany and whenever I'm with mates we'll speak the common (which tbf is always English) so no one at the table can't understand whats being said. Considered very rude not to.
Germans however... All bets are off with them
Germans however... All bets are off with them
Ah, if it's two girls and you're the guy then it's, imo, slightly different. It's still rude and I don't think you're being over-sensitive. But it could be interpreted slightly differently. Especially if the two women are not English. The moment a female friend is added, it is very likely you're going to be somewhat excluded whether they're talking in English or not. What I'm saying is that it turned into a girl's bonding day and that's kind of a hard-coded thing so whilst it's equally as rude and equally as annoying as if it were two guys, it's probably less significant in terms of intent. You can't stop a girl's bonding day - you'll always be a tag along passive audience in that circumstance, just the same as a woman tagging along with her boyfriend and a bunch of his mates will be helpless to stop them getting beered up and talking about football.
N.b. before counter-arguments, I'm NOT saying it isn't just as rude. I'm just saying that two of your own sex using another language to exclude you, is a lot more deliberate than two girls forgetting there's a male there. It's kind of hard-wired. So you're perfectly entitled to be ****ed off, but if deliberateness is a factor in how much you resent this, I'd consider that.
Your secret is safe with us.
The txt is a very good sign. Shows that she more got carried away with her friend than didn't actually care. I mean it's not great that her first instinct was to go on the defensive and tell you you're over-sensitive when called on it, but nobody's perfect.
Ohhhh. Then disregard my last two posts! That was extremely rude and thoughtless.
She's apologized so that's a good thing. But no, you weren't remotely being over-sensitive.
So these guys live 2 doors apart and have a minor language in common? Sounds like they are the real pals here and you're just an outsider.
Face the reality, if it's your place to be sitting in a corner having no idea wtf they're saying, then that is your place and you should accept the reality. Either rise to alpha status, be your own man and tell them they can go **** themselves - if they really liked you or valued your company they would never have uttered a single word that you couldn't understand.
Its harsh but no point trying to make things work. You didn't like something, you've made him aware, but instead of accepting your feelings, and thereby potentially resolving the issue at hand, he's told you you're being oversensitive and the issue remains 100% unresolved which is absolutely ****. Therefore any further contact with this person will simply create more unresolved negative emotions for you.
Also, you are not being "oversentitive" you've simply voiced your concerns. Any time someone tells you you're being emotional or sentitive or whatever in response to a perfectly legitimate concern, it should set alarm bells ringing.
Last edited:
Of course it's rude to exclude someone based on language, that's basic manners and common sense and you should have said something at the time and not sat there like a lemon saying nothing. In effect you wasted your own day regardless of whether one of the inconsiderate dudes was a lover or not.
Try not too take it too personally and just forget about them.
Try not too take it too personally and just forget about them.
I've been in a very similar position, except the 'dude' was her best friend and we were on holiday together, so I couldn't even really just go home. They didn't particularly see anything wrong with it either. Not a nice position to be in tbh.
Associate
- Joined
- 11 Aug 2011
- Posts
- 682
Yes it's rude as they clearly knew that they were excluding you.
Earlier in the year I was doing a uni project and two from my group were speaking Arabic to each other, they stopped after a short while and asked if I was okay with them speaking in Arabic.
Perhaps it's a cultural thing but tbh if it was bothering you you should have said something at the time.
Earlier in the year I was doing a uni project and two from my group were speaking Arabic to each other, they stopped after a short while and asked if I was okay with them speaking in Arabic.
Perhaps it's a cultural thing but tbh if it was bothering you you should have said something at the time.
Wow. So you were out with a guy and a girl who spent the entire night talking to each other in a language you don't speak, and you stayed the entire night? I would've just left, clearly they didn't give a **** about you being there
Associate
- Joined
- 20 Mar 2014
- Posts
- 2,361
If they both speak english then it is rude.
So, the friend you met at a party is female, and you have slept with her. You arrange to meet for a day, only for her to bring another guy along and have secret conversations with him all day? Good lord. Either he's on the same terms with her as you are, or she wants him to be - depending of course on any obvious physical attractiveness/sexual preference factors (as in, is he gay?) which could make the previous completely void 
What?