Am I being unreasonable?
- Thread starter Kalexuz
- Start date
Double standards? Interesting statement, considering there is no sign from the OP that she spends outside of her means in ways which affect her family.
Apparently, he does though.
Soldato
- Joined
- 23 May 2005
- Posts
- 2,964
- Location
- Auckland, New Zealand
You're allowed to treat yourself and I'm sure she understands that. We're not talking about a one-off payment for a gadget here, we're talking about getting into debt for something you want and don't need.
It sounds like you're treating your income as all yours after you've paid for all immediate obligations. That's not the case here - you have a family and any extras go towards your shared future and experiences (holidays, christmas, kid's schooling etc). Sure, you're allowed a bit from time to time.
Also I know all too well that when it comes to 'Car people', the cost of the car is only the beginning. Your wife probably recognises that, too.
It sounds like you're treating your income as all yours after you've paid for all immediate obligations. That's not the case here - you have a family and any extras go towards your shared future and experiences (holidays, christmas, kid's schooling etc). Sure, you're allowed a bit from time to time.
Also I know all too well that when it comes to 'Car people', the cost of the car is only the beginning. Your wife probably recognises that, too.
I don't think there's any question he puts his family and their needs first
Married people with kids are still allowed their own "thing", not everything has to revolve around the family as long as they're taken care of first. I'm not married but many couples I know seem a lot happier when theres a balance between family things and personal time/hobbies etc
Soldato
- Joined
- 11 Sep 2013
- Posts
- 12,656
Not from new.Can you get a decent family car that doesn't significantly depreciate
The trick is to find a decent 2nd hand one that will do the job and last well for a long period.
How much do you think he needs to have left after expenses per month for him to be living within his means?
Can you get a decent family car that doesn't significantly depreciate
If you grab a good deal then you can certainly minimise the depreciation without near-bankrupting yourself on the overall purchase, yes!
At least get a 3 series if you gonna do it.
I'm with others that you are being unreasonable. I appreciate that you want to treat yourself but you have a kid. Spend some of that money on quality time with your kid and wife and overpay more on your mortgage.
Buy yourself a nice car when your kid is a moody teenager and doesn't want to talk to you.
I'm with others that you are being unreasonable. I appreciate that you want to treat yourself but you have a kid. Spend some of that money on quality time with your kid and wife and overpay more on your mortgage.
Buy yourself a nice car when your kid is a moody teenager and doesn't want to talk to you.
Fair question! I'd say he would need to be taking twice as much home than he does to justify spending such a large chunk of his take home pay on a car.
Spending 25% of your take home pay on a car is nuts. If you live at home and have no other responsibilities it's a bit different, but I know first hand how many unexpected surprises arise when you have kids. It's completely irresponsible.
I take home a multiple of what the OP does and wouldn't consider spending £330 per month on a car. Both of my leased cars come to less than that!
![[TW]Fox](/data/man-of-honor/2009.png){kind=avatar}
It still ends up irrelevant if the wife cannot get comfortable with the idea.
ie, her peace of mind is more important, surely?
You need to be able to 'sell' it to her in a way that she is comfortable with or it'll always be a source of strife and problems and you'll not enjoy owning it.
ie, her peace of mind is more important, surely?
You need to be able to 'sell' it to her in a way that she is comfortable with or it'll always be a source of strife and problems and you'll not enjoy owning it.
Last edited:
I know, I've been with my wife for 10 years and have a kid, she's a reasonable person and I don't feel I'm restricted at all.
That being said, if I want to take out a £20,000 loan it's a different kind of conversation. At the monthly cost the OP is talking about he's signing up to about 5.5 years of £330pm.
[TW]Fox;29904679 said:
I wouldn't go that far in every case. You shouldn't need to seek permission, nor should you go and just do it.
It's equally as bad imo for the wife to flat out say no as it is for husband to go and buy it.
But seems like she sounds reasonable and justified. Sensible points have been put across. Kid in picture. Etc etc.
I would however expect the OP to do same if for example she wants a PhD funded
He has to earn £65k gross to afford a £300-£400/month car when his mortgage is only £490? I'm not condoning his intent (far from it), but that seems a little excessive.
