Its not his choice of car thats the issue. Its the fact that he wants to spend a very large sum of money on something that she does not agree with. The money is shared, so should the decision how to spend it be.
Am I being unreasonable?
- Thread starter Kalexuz
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Its not his choice of car thats the issue. Its the fact that he wants to spend a very large sum of money on something that she does not agree with. The money is shared, so should the decision how to spend it be.
Just the fact that you seem to be genuinely considering a car over a wife and child, despite what everyone has said just makes me want to walk away shaking my head in disbelief.
Yes, you are being very unreasonable.
Soldato
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Why even look at BMWs costing £20k if it's going to cause you marital problems? Why not just sell the CTR and buy a decent used motor for a few grand?
A car is a form of transport nothing more nothing less.
Its just a car, buy a cheap run around and sort your debts out asap.
Eh? Lol.
Andi.
Another vote for YABU I'm afraid. You see all those guys driving around in Ford Galaxies, Vauxhall Zafiras and the like? Do you think they wouldn't prefer to be driving something more fun? No they drive their rubbish people carriers because they have commitments to their families.
Ouch. If that's a genuine thought then either you need to have a long talk with your wife, or have a long think on your own.
Is that "I" have X left over or "we" have X left over?
Doesnt your wife contribute?
Personally we dont really have seperate money, its all one big pot and we agree on what we want to spend between us. (Which is nice as wife earns more than me)
You need to agree on things, discuss what you want, try to come to a good compromise.
Dont agree a car is just a form of transport, its something that can bring pleasure to someone who likes cars.
It was mostly about my expenses. Even though we've a child now, we've always had our own bank accounts and just agree on balance who pays what depending on our salary.
You see, in the last year I've been promoted into a new job jumping £10k a year in salary so I'm sort of thinking why the heck can't I enjoy this extra money in my bank. Would she have left me anyway if I was still on £10k less a year...is this inevitable.
I think the logical answer is to pay off my loan like AHarvey said, probably overpay her car finance and then perhaps agree on this again.
Soldato
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Kalexuz, it appears that you are putting your own needs before your wife's. Does she get to spend money on nice things for herself? Do you allow herself to? 
You sound a bit controlling.
I'm afraid, I think YABU.
Wife should LTB.
You were also being u for writing the thread out in full instead of AIBU?
You sound a bit controlling.I'm afraid, I think YABU.
Wife should LTB.
You were also being u for writing the thread out in full instead of AIBU?
If you're still living in your first house then I would not be looking at getting an expensive car. You would be sacrificing a better life in the future for short term benefits. Of course it would be different if you were living in your forever home.
Soldato
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That is harsh , however I agree. Taking on a 20K commitment for car when you have a family is ludicrous. Whats wrong with a Mondeo or something ?
Buying a sporty 2-seater convertible would be the most sensible and reasonable thing you could do here. Don't listen to the under-the-thumb ****olds who let their wives and girlfriends wear the pants in the their feeble relationships. MTFU show her who's boss. 
20 grand car when you have a family and are on around average salary seems unreasonable to me. That being said it doesn't surprise me, there's people I know spending half their income on having the latest BMW, Audi, Merc.
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YABU and tbh it sounds like you have problems with your marriage. If I got a £10k promotion at work my first thought wouldn't be 'what can I get myself with all this cash'. It would be 'how can I improve *our* lives with this money'. You're married, you're supposed to be a team.
Sorry to be so OTT. I was just thinking a 1 sentence reply that was pretty much to the point and passive aggressive.
I know its not easy and i hope you work it all out. I'm lucky my GF shares broadly the same interests as me and its usually me suggesting to curb the spending
I know its not easy and i hope you work it all out. I'm lucky my GF shares broadly the same interests as me and its usually me suggesting to curb the spending
Kalexuz, it appears that you are putting your own needs before your wife's. Does she get to spend money on nice things for herself? Do you allow herself to?
I'm afraid, I think YABU.
Wife should LTB.
You were also being u for writing the thread out in full instead of AIBU?
You're right in the sense that I'm thinking about myself, but then doesn't everybody consider themselves at times of their life, whether they're a family person or not? I don't think I'm being controlling about it though, that's a bit harsh. I'd have just gone and done it if I didn't care about her feelings on the matter.
I allow her to do whatever she wants. She's also studying and accruing financial debt for that alone, or rather we're having to use our own money to pay for her course balances. What she is doing, may never fruition into an actual career as only something like 2 people in the North are selected to go onto become the professional that she wants to become (psychologist), but yet she's doing it anyway because she enjoys learning.
She also wants to do some further training in her current role (mental health practitioner) at a cost of £1k+ for some. I'm all for it I've told her this (although really the NHS should part fund this if it improves her ability to work for them)
Regardless of financial cost though, I really don't see the disconnection between the two desires that me or her want. I'd be posting this whether it was a £20k BMW or £10k Ford.
Soldato
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Wife speaks sense.