Am I being unreasonable?

Hades said:
I'm tired of non working wives dictating to their husbands what money is spent on. But having said that, you're on an average wage and when you get married and have children you're making a commitment to put certain things first. So it's not unreasonable to want to spend money on your hobby if you can afford it. But a 20k car is too much. Find something older, classic, which won't depreciate much, for half that price.

That 20k car is a lot of money down the drain.
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She works though, she used to be the bread winner in our marriage before she went part time, then I got my new job during her maternity and the tables turned almost exactly, she's now on £21k I'm on £31k.

koolpc - I'd accounted for most of them things.

Thanks everyone, really appreciate the advice. Everytime I want the car again over the next few weeks or whatever I'll come back here and read this to sort my head out, for now :p

cheesyboy said:
Heh!

Guess how much the monthly payments are on that sort of mortgage. :D
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Probably about an extra £300 a month no doubt hah!

[TW]Fox;29900596 said:
If his budget is £20k and he wants an M135i it's going to be used circa 3-4 years old.

It's worth considering that it's not as if he's getting rid of £20k in order to have it - it sounds like he's going to borrow the money and the car will have a retained value once he finishes with it. So, in reality, the cost is the depreciation over the time he has it, any extra running costs, and the interest on his funding source.

This will not add up to £20k. Or at least you'd hope it wouldn't!
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Well it was either a 135i used about 3 years old on a loan of which I'd be the final owner or a 140i on PCP for around the same monthly, but effectively lost money. You're right though, the car would be worth something at the end of the loan. My current car is worth £2k more than the loan balance already. I failed to mention I do around 3,000 miles a year in my car and work 1.1 mile away from my house but despite this, want a nice car anyway. I do need a car though for carry my daughter around.
 
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You've already made your mind up, with or without us. You're getting the car. I really don't know why you posted.
 
The problem here is not whether the car makes sense - from the numbers you've posted it doesn't exactly look outrageous - but what it does to your family. No matter how much sense it makes on paper, if it's going to cause problems then it needs a long hard think.

If it's going to make her uncomfortable it almost becomes irrelevant whether it's sensible and affordable or not.
 
FWIW its worth from someone who ditched his R34 that he had tuned from stock when I met my wife, you have dependents now, you don't want monthly commitments like that in the current economic climate, regardless of other factors.

BUT

There's more to life than a 20k rep mobile :D I bought a fake Alpina E36 touring 328 (some of the members on here might have seen it at a meeting), turned out that it was actually a Schrick.. Followed by a IS300 Sport (with LSD).

Cost me 2k each, both utterly reliable and with enough HP to have loads of fun with the family in the back (Nang Kangs ftw). You dont care when the inevitable vomit happens, and your wife won't hate you every time you insist on parking at the far end of every car park.

Don't sacrifice your car geek status, just work a little smarter with your budget/scenario!
 
Pack in your £100 a month e cigarettes habit. Get rid of Sky, your mobile phone, stop drinking and buy Asda smartprice food. Either that or grow up.
 
[TW]Fox;29900692 said:
The problem here is not whether the car makes sense - from the numbers you've posted it doesn't exactly look outrageous - but what it does to your family. No matter how much sense it makes on paper, if it's going to cause problems then it needs a long hard think.

If it's going to make her uncomfortable it almost becomes irrelevant whether it's sensible and affordable or not.
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Very true. From the raw numbers sure it seems to be fairly reasonable but at the end of the day you need to have board agreement with your wife. Personally I wouldn't want to take any car loan or bank loan whilst your wife isn't back working full time and you still have some outstanding on your current car.

What has your wife actually said, is there any middle ground? What about working to clear you current car debt then putting some savings towards something new a little later down the line.

Been through some very similar discussions with my wife in the last few weeks and tbh I quickly saw I was being unreasonable but have come to some agreement.
 
Have you worked out what the Civic has cost you? What did it cost you to buy? How much have you lost in depreciation and how much have you paid in interest. Have you spent a lot on the car other than that?

Then see how much the the 135 will cost you. You've worked it out at £330 a month, but that must be over a very long term for it to be that low.

An off the cuff judgement suggests, financially it is all okay.

You seem financially pretty secure as well since your mortgage payment is so low. If her priority is paying off the mortgage quicker then I can perhaps see why she might be annoyed. Seems silly to take out a large loan at an interest rate likely higher than your mortgage and then overpay on the mortgage.

I think as suggested above, save up for a deposit so that you always have equity in your new car. Then you can say that you can always sell the car and immediately pay off the loan if either of you lose a job or anything.
 
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Kalexuz said:
My wife thinks the car means more than her and our daughter which is just untrue; I just like cars and getting one faster than my FN2 that isn't a relic just so happen to be expensive to buy or expensive to maintain (Evo's etc).

It doesn't have to be a BMW, it's just what I've narrowed it down to and set my sights on. Never experienced the kind of power the 135i/140i's are and rear wheel drive, that's what I am focused on. I know it makes no sense to get a new car, especially ones as quick to depreciate as a BMW but this is in part the issue; I just want it irrespective of financial sense.

This thread has helped me think twice though, even if it's wrong that I needed to hear it from people I don't know above and beyond my own wife.
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Don't worry when I got my first rwd car I said I'd never go back to fwd.
I have a Honda (s2k) and I toyed with the idea of a BMW z4, but it was too much. I didn't want to get a loan for a toy. And tbh I probably wouldn't have enjoyed it any more.
Would it be cheaper to say get an mx5 as a second car and a cheap workhorse 4 door?
I know you need space, 2 tax, 2 insurance etc but might possibly be better?
 
Totally with your wife on this one.

Do you really need a car to carry your daughter around in? Serious question there or do you think you do. I don't have a car these days and manage just fine getting my kids everywhere with one and they lead very busy lives.
 
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A question here. If the OP earnt double the take home pay given (~£66k gross annual), would you all give the same answers?
 
shadow_boxer said:
Very true. From the raw numbers sure it seems to be fairly reasonable but at the end of the day you need to have board agreement with your wife. Personally I wouldn't want to take any car loan or bank loan whilst your wife isn't back working full time and you still have some outstanding on your current car.

What has your wife actually said, is there any middle ground? What about working to clear you current car debt then putting some savings towards something new a little later down the line.

Been through some very similar discussions with my wife in the last few weeks and tbh I quickly saw I was being unreasonable but have come to some agreement.
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£330 on car payments on a take home of £1600 is reasonable :confused:
Seems nuts to me given the situation described of new baby and also wanting to move to a bigger house.

@OP - yes, it's unreasonable especially given your income. When your wife earned 31k and you earned 21k, did she make a long term spending commitment of £300 a month extra on extravagant personal items? Having a child will only cost more in future. If I was you and had spare money, I would look to be investing it for the future rather than buying a depreciating asset.
 
Well, it is £330 on £1600 net where the mortgage is already covered.

It is very reasonable.

I think if the OP ensures they have equity in the car so that of they were to lose their job, the wife wouldn't have to pay the monthly it should normally be acceptable.
 
muon said:
A question here. If the OP earnt double the take home pay given (~£66k gross annual), would you all give the same answers?
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No. All things being equal, more money = more toys

Interesting this. I earn similar to op and does show what impact kids have
Ie. No more toys
 
String said:
Pretty stupid question, really.
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It's not - because the issue here is how comfortable the wife is with the decision, not how affordable the decision is. Her lack of comfort with the idea is what is crucial to the decision and should be considered very carefully. It's simply not fair to make her unhappy if that's what would happen, regardless of how affordable it is. He also needs to look at what it costs to keep his current car instead, because the status quo isn't 'free', it also has costs.

He needs to talk about it with her. He needs to re-assure her that it's affordable, it's his hobby rather than just a method of A to B, or whatever else it is he thinks makes it a good idea. If she still isn't comfortable then it's difficult to see how this remains a good move.

What is a good move though is not spending £100 a month on e-cigs. Blimey. Perhaps thats the angle to take - fund almost a third of the cost through not using e-cigs!
 
[TW]Fox;29900930 said:
It's not - because the issue here is how comfortable the wife is with the decision, not how affordable the decision is. Her lack of comfort with the idea is what is crucial to the decision and should be considered very carefully. It's simply not fair to make her unhappy if that's what would happen, regardless of how affordable it is. He also needs to look at what it costs to keep his current car instead, because the status quo isn't 'free', it also has costs.

He needs to talk about it with her. He needs to re-assure her that it's affordable, it's his hobby rather than just a method of A to B, or whatever else it is he thinks makes it a good idea. If she still isn't comfortable then it's difficult to see how this remains a good move.

What is a good move though is not spending £100 a month on e-cigs. Blimey. Perhaps thats the angle to take - fund almost a third of the cost through not using e-cigs!
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I disagree. The OP has explained the situation which is predominantly about money, and asked for opinions. Then someone asks if the answers would be the same if the money involved was double what the OP has stated.

Duh. :rolleyes:
 
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