Anyone fancy reading a script I wrote?
- Thread starter anksta
- Start date
I'll take a read
- Pea0n
sent mate, thanks
If you need anymore people to read over it email me in trust
I'll take a read
no emails guys, can you send me one from my trust and I'll send it on, thanks.
Afternoon anyway, thanks for all the help from last night. I've been working all day so far but I thought I'd just have a break and come check this thread.
A thought that hit me last night is I took out my contact details from the PDF I've been sending round, as I just said to Sayso, if anyone likes it enough to send onto a friend whose got a friend whose got a friend or whatever that might be in a position to actually do something about, could they let me know please and I will send them the copy with the title page and contact details on?
I know that's a bit pedantic but still, might make the difference with something like this.
Has anyone had any more thoughts on the script today?
Cheers
I think it starts slow and read somewhere that the average person gives a new tv program 60 seconds to catch them, just something to think about.
The middle is fantastic, had me laughing. Emily character seemed a bit useless, needs abit of work, why does she like him? why is he mad with her? Also I thought it wasn't clear why he was running away to spain over a bill? In modern courts people rarely go to prison for not paying a bill, more like payment plans etc. (or have I missed something?)
Ending is good but a bit 8 mile.
The middle is fantastic, had me laughing. Emily character seemed a bit useless, needs abit of work, why does she like him? why is he mad with her? Also I thought it wasn't clear why he was running away to spain over a bill? In modern courts people rarely go to prison for not paying a bill, more like payment plans etc. (or have I missed something?)
Ending is good but a bit 8 mile.
Soldato
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Received the script, I'll take a read now and reply to your mail ^
- Pea0n
- Pea0n
yeah mate sure, no email though, send me one over
Yeah I'm worried about the ending being a bit 8 mile as well to be fair, we actually had him rapping in previous drafts but that was even worse. This way anything can happen at least.
As for the 60 second rule, I'm not aware of that, the general consensus with a script, for a feature at least, is 10 pages.
I think in the first minute (taking the page a minute rule) you find out the three main characters, you see him rip down his posters and, technically just over a minute you see the flashback. Is it not that intriguing?
The Emily character was originally introduced to make Danny seem a bit more sympathetic but we changed it to be more about introducing his relationship with this girl that's locked up.
The whole point about her being mad at him and things is more about a sub plot that is merely introduced and try to entice a viewer to want to watch a second episode. The fact that something has happened in the past but not told what, as well as using it to explain about his locked up bird was intentionally brief.
Do you think it's nowhere near enough or, say if you knew that in subsequent episodes you would find out exactly what happened and how that affected Danny, it would be enough of an intro?
Thanks for reading though mate, appreciate the feedback, some good questions raised. That Emily and Andy are the only 2 introductions to this draft so it's important to not assume they have the same background as the other characters.
I'll have a read
email me mate
Done
there's no email in there mate, it normally says "reply to this member should be addressed to:" and then an address, yours is blank.
Ops - sorry, just enabled trust, and it might not be working properly yet - have sent you an email
Soldato
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I'll read it. Email in trust.
sent mate
I'll take a read as well anksta if you would like
Email in trust
no emails guys.
How come it shows up in some people's but not in others?
Soldato
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- Bromley, Kent
I sent you a mail back about some things that I didn't think read right, best of luck making some changes if you think needed.
As for the script itself - I can visualise it working Ok for TV although its not my sort of show. I'd expect it to go down well for those who like Eastenders etc.
Best of luck with it, keep us updated
- Pea0n
As for the script itself - I can visualise it working Ok for TV although its not my sort of show. I'd expect it to go down well for those who like Eastenders etc.
Best of luck with it, keep us updated
- Pea0n
Soldato
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I've sent you an e-mail via trust anksta .
.I sent you a mail back about some things that I didn't think read right, best of luck making some changes if you think needed.
As for the script itself - I can visualise it working Ok for TV although its not my sort of show. I'd expect it to go down well for those who like Eastenders etc.
Best of luck with it, keep us updated
- Pea0n
yeah mate just looking through those changes now, "a lay on" is something in particular but it might be worth making that clearer, can easily say "do it us on lay on, give you the cash tomorrow" that's pretty clear.
drop off is the same, that's a specific term but I reckon you're into semantics there so I might just change it anyway as that does make better sense.
And do it cash in was definitely right, will change that.
Thanks for the input though, did you find it funny?
I've sent you an e-mail via trust anksta
sent mate, sent to everyone I got an email from