Anyone got any jokes?

Hex said:
And now to keep you busy, the worlds longest joke... enjoy:
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And it's COMPLETELY wasted on a UK audience, because the entire joke relies on a punchline said the way American's say lever - the same way as never, rather than the way we say it - like beaver
 
A dead man was washed up on a beach from the Tasman sea, he was found wearing stockings, suspenders, full make up, a blond wig and an All Black shirt.

The police decided to remove the shirt before his wife identified him to spare her shame. :D

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What is the difference between the All Blacks and Viagra?


With Viagra you are guaranteed at least a semi.

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What is the difference between Australia and a yoghurt?


Given time a yoghurt will develop a culture.

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What is the difference between a tea bag and the All Blacks?

The tea bag stays in a cup longer.


:p
 
Dj_Jestar said:
Did you REALLY have to quote the entire post, with a one line reply, which is immediately above yours?!

I'll be sending you my medical bill after I get this RSI in my finger sorted out, mister!
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I wanted to make people aware at which I was laughing at. Sorry for any inconvience caused.. seems a little ott though :(
 
A guy called Jeff is sitting at the bar in a packed pub, mulling over his thoughts over a shot of whiskey on the 91st floor of a huge building. A guy walks into the room, sits a few stools away from him and orders a huge, tall frosty glass of beer.

The guy downs the glass of beer in no time at all, turns around and walks to one of the windows - opens it up and leaps out.

'Jesus Christ! That man just jumped out of the window!', cries Jeff....
'Don't worry, he'll be fine... he's always doing that' says the Bartender.
'What!?'
'He'll probably be back up in a minute... bloody fool'

To Jeff's amazement, the guy reappears on the 91st floor... sits a few seats away from him... orders another huge beer, drinks it all... opens the window and jumps out.

This carries on for about 15 minutes, when Jeff finally has had enough of this bizzareness...

'How in the heck are you doing that? You've jumped out of the 91st floor of a building at least 10 times now and your still alive!?'
'It's quite simple my dear friend... you see when you down a huge glass of beer... the beer goes down into your stomache but makes your insides slightly warmer and realease warm air... if you jump out of the window, the warm air will start to rise and you'll actually become lighter than the air... and just float down to ground!'

'I don't believe you...', says Jeff
The guy downs another tall glass of beer.... 'Watch me then...'
Jeff and the guy walk over to the window, the guy jumps out... and to Jeff's amazement he floats down to the ground.

A few minutes later the guy is back on the 91st floor.
'Wow... it really works... let me try!'

Jeff orders a huge beer, drinks it down and jumps out of the window...

*SPLAT*

Jeff is now as flat as a pancake on the pavement below...

The bartender walks up to the guy and says...

'Superman... you're a real ******* when you're drunk!'
 
But if you dont tell us why he was suspended we wont learn! Lets hope the suspension idea in the ideas post gets picked up and the mods are made to put a note in when someone is suspended so we know why.... and more to the point its because I'm nosey :D
 
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