Autism diagnosis as an adult

I've been reading this thread the last few days and wondering if I should put my 2p in.

A few months ago, I realised there is a good chance I am on the spectrum. I'm in my early 30s.

I could type up some reasons why I've come to this realisation, but its a million things so maybe better off as a novel lol.

I've been considering whether a diagnosis would be worthwhile for me. At the moment, I feel like it would not be of any benefit to me.

I guess, if it is indeed ASD or whatever, then I'm more or less one of the people FoxEye would be referring to. I have a steady job and have moved up into management (albeit retail so not exactly great). I am due to get married soon and have kids. I would say I manage interactions with customers and colleges pretty well and I would think my colleges would be very surprised if I were to tell them I was on the spectrum (not that I would even if I had a diagnosis).

On the other hand I have zero friends. My fiancée is the only person I talk to outside of work. I think a lot of the people I work with, some of whom I've worked with for 10+ years would call me a good friend of theirs, but honestly, I care about most of them a lot, I can see they are good people and I want only good things for them, but I just don't have that kind of connection with them? Not sure how to explain to be honest.

The youngest started primary school last week. I thought I would try and make an effort and make a "school friend" yet so far I've just stared at the ground avoiding eye contact with anyone, curling my toes like mad to try and dissipate some anxiety and have literally not said one word to anyone :( Not sure why I can do it at work but cant do it outside of it?

I've been trying to read more about the subject, but everything is so vague and open to interpretation that it doesn't feel like I'm getting any closer to understanding what its all about really.

Oh, and when this thread came up and all these people with thousands of posts over a decade or more on a pc enthusiast forum started posting I was like, yeah, this makes a lot of sense lol.
 
sigma said:
Many people on here feel sorry for you, not because of any named condition but because you don’t seem to be very happy. And I don’t mean happy as in a person who skips along singing in the street. You also seem to (or at least appear to) revel in it for some reason. It doesn’t have to be that way.
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Humans are not rational, hombre, and some are plain irrational!

"It doesn't have to be that way."

You know what? I don't know for certain one way or the other. Do you believe there can be such a thing as absolute hopelessness? Where there is no possibility for things to end happily?

I can tell you that it's easy to start believing in hopelessness and it absolves you of all responsibility. But that it's not a choice to sit around and do nothing. It's not pure laziness. It's a real belief. A belief that everything is futile. Because all the evidence of your own eyes leads to that conclusion. And it's what you feel. It's what you dwell on. It's what you tell yourself.

Imagine you've believed in hopelessness all your life. Imagine it's a constant self-affirming cycle. That it's kind of your religion, now. What kind of a weird world would you inhabit, in your own mind.

To some people this will sound like infantile nonsense, and will re-affirm their opinion that I'm a lazy bell-end who refuses to try. Is there another group? I don't know :p There doesn't have to be another group.

Plus I have no freaking clue what the difference is between just being in a bad place mentally (I won't use the "d-word"), or some condition like Aspergers. The symptoms or Aspergers seem to me to be a) very broad and b) very varied in their magnitude. You can be a bit this, a bit that, and a bit of the other, or a bit this, a bit that, and a lot of the other.

A chap earlier said, "We're all on the spectrum." It does seem a bit like this, y'all. People with "mild" symptoms and people meeting a few of the criteria. And all getting diagnosed.

Here's a question for ya: can you be in a bad place mentally your whole damn life? What do you call that? If you've known you were an outsider since your earliest memories of primary school? What is that? Before you even heard the "d word" you knew - you just knew - that you didn't fit in. What is that?

People mistake my posts for attention seeking - this will not change their minds. But I like to test the room, see how people react. Not sure what I expect in return (clearly I'm not after any kind of medical advice). Perhaps it's just habit at this point. Maybe it serves no purpose at all. I guess I don't expect my actions to make sense. Haha. Humans are weird.
 
new boy said:
On the other hand I have zero friends. My fiancée is the only person I talk to outside of work. I think a lot of the people I work with, some of whom I've worked with for 10+ years would call me a good friend of theirs, but honestly, I care about most of them a lot, I can see they are good people and I want only good things for them, but I just don't have that kind of connection with them? Not sure how to explain to be honest.
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Question: how did you even meet your fiancé if you don't talk to anyone outside work?

I genuinely don't talk to people outside work, and I can tell you you don't meet people that way. I suspect that when people say, "I have no friends," many of them are somewhat exaggerating. Because when you do live in total isolation, you don't meet people. You don't find a partner. You don't develop relationships.
 
FoxEye, there are already several threads in GD about you and your life and even though I'm not surprised you've tried to make this one about you (and not at all in a helpful way) it's pretty disappointing. Many have found this useful so either step up and add benefit or focus on some of the points raised in the threads about you specifically.
 
[FnG]magnolia said:
FoxEye, there are already several threads in GD about you and your life and even though I'm not surprised you've tried to make this one about you (and not at all in a helpful way) it's pretty disappointing. Many have found this useful so either step up and add benefit or focus on some of the points raised in the threads about you specifically.
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We have to put your with your **** so you're in no position whatsoever to tell others to moderate or remove theirs.

All the nonsense threads you've created could fill an entire series of books. So no, I will not take instruction from you. Least of all from you.

People who feel as you do can and should use the ignore function to hide my posts. Job done.
 
new boy said:
I've been considering whether a diagnosis would be worthwhile for me. At the moment, I feel like it would not be of any benefit to me.
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IMO it is most helpful for people who don't really understand, or aren't fully able to identify, behaviours and the why and the effect it has on their overall well-being, etc. from reading your post you sound in some ways like myself in that we have at least some degree of awareness and ability to be able to do something about it while people with more severe forms of it don't have that and/or may need some form of medication to deal with behaviours which lead to self-harm, etc.

Likewise I've moved up to managing people in a retail (linked) environment albeit in my case supervisor role with some covering of management duties out of hours. But I still struggle if I have to do any public facing tasks. Anyone who knew me 10+ years ago but hadn't had anything to do with me more recently would completely not believe you if you told them I was in a role managing people.

Likewise my situation with friends - although I have or have had a lot of "friends" over the years I've actively avoided making any real connection with them even the ones who have tried to do that.
 
FoxEye said:
Humans are not rational, hombre, and some are plain irrational!

"It doesn't have to be that way."

You know what? I don't know for certain one way or the other. Do you believe there can be such a thing as absolute hopelessness? Where there is no possibility for things to end happily?

I can tell you that it's easy to start believing in hopelessness and it absolves you of all responsibility. But that it's not a choice to sit around and do nothing. It's not pure laziness. It's a real belief. A belief that everything is futile. Because all the evidence of your own eyes leads to that conclusion. And it's what you feel. It's what you dwell on. It's what you tell yourself.

Imagine you've believed in hopelessness all your life. Imagine it's a constant self-affirming cycle. That it's kind of your religion, now. What kind of a weird world would you inhabit, in your own mind.

To some people this will sound like infantile nonsense, and will re-affirm their opinion that I'm a lazy bell-end who refuses to try. Is there another group? I don't know :p There doesn't have to be another group.

Plus I have no freaking clue what the difference is between just being in a bad place mentally (I won't use the "d-word"), or some condition like Aspergers. The symptoms or Aspergers seem to me to be a) very broad and b) very varied in their magnitude. You can be a bit this, a bit that, and a bit of the other, or a bit this, a bit that, and a lot of the other.

A chap earlier said, "We're all on the spectrum." It does seem a bit like this, y'all. People with "mild" symptoms and people meeting a few of the criteria. And all getting diagnosed.

Here's a question for ya: can you be in a bad place mentally your whole damn life? What do you call that? If you've known you were an outsider since your earliest memories of primary school? What is that? Before you even heard the "d word" you knew - you just knew - that you didn't fit in. What is that?

People mistake my posts for attention seeking - this will not change their minds. But I like to test the room, see how people react. Not sure what I expect in return (clearly I'm not after any kind of medical advice). Perhaps it's just habit at this point. Maybe it serves no purpose at all. I guess I don't expect my actions to make sense. Haha. Humans are weird.
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To avoid repeating a lot of things that have already been said in previous threads I’ll not reply to most of what you’ve written. I’d suggest reading about psychology, it might help you to see a broader picture.

You say you have social anxiety, don’t you want to get rid of it or at least learn how to control it?

Edit : to make this post more relevant to the topic at hand. Diagnosis isn’t really about being labelled as anything, it’s about learning the reason for things and understanding how to control or improve.
 
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I was referred byy doctor a year ago, still waiting as was explained to me in the first instance it is a long wait.
I'm in my early 30's, so you may think why someone at this age would agree to see a specialist in this area? It's simply that understanding why you act or think in a certain way helps you through life. It's not difficult to understand.
 
alexakasloth said:
I was referred byy doctor a year ago, still waiting as was explained to me in the first instance it is a long wait.
I'm in my early 30's, so you may think why someone at this age would agree to see a specialist in this area? It's simply that understanding why you act or think in a certain way helps you through life. It's not difficult to understand.
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Someone with a condition (depending on their condition) might find it hard to understand. Since they may not order stuff the same way.
One guy I know makes up how things should work then its extremely difficult to change the dogma he has in his head. Make it very hard to get him to do new tasks, or even do tasks in a different way.
 
So if you get diagnosed what is that actually gonna do to help you? Not being mean just genuinely curious.
Is it some form of conformation fallacy, so you can blame your crap lives on that diagnosis then move on or accept you got a genetically weak hand at life, also move on?
Get to go to some crap support group 1h a week and meet likeminded people that don't want to be there.....
Is this just not a severe case of "deal with it" or don't and stay as you are. Are you expecting medication to turn you into some kind of happy zombie. I've seen it, its fake and horrible.
 
Efour said:
So if you get diagnosed what is that actually gonna do to help you? Not being mean just genuinely curious.
Is it some form of conformation fallacy, so you can blame your crap lives on that diagnosis then move on or accept you got a genetically weak hand at life, also move on?
Get to go to some crap support group 1h a week and meet likeminded people that don't want to be there.....
Is this just not a severe case of "deal with it" or don't and stay as you are. Are you expecting medication to turn you into some kind of happy zombie. I've seen it, its fake and horrible.
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I mean... Let's draw a parallel with a physical illness.

You struggle with your energy levels and find yourself often sleepy, unable to perform at work, it affects your personal and social life. Either you're exhausted from your job or you're underperforming because you decided to see friends last night.

Sleep doesn't seem to help. Exercise isn't doing it. You just don't understand why you're unpredictably tired most days. Always been this way.

Someone tells you you're diabetic. The kind that's largely caused by your diet but also your eating habits and timings.

You can now start trying out ways of dealing with the issue because it's been identified. Cut out sweets, start a routine of high GI breakfasts followed by exercise. Modify your habits and routines.

As you're treating this holistically rather than just getting medication you're able to ask "what do others in my position do that has worked for them?". You're looking for a big-picture idea of how to change your lifestyle to have a better experience.

This is the same for neurodivergence - "Now I know myself better I can better adapt my lifestyle and habits to be happier. I can ask others how they have found success on their journey".

Knowing yourself is important, absolutely. But if "yourself" has inside it some Venn diagram sections including a known personality trait or neurological process, it makes sense to be able to look outside yourself for perspective.
 
Efour said:
So if you get diagnosed what is that actually gonna do to help you? Not being mean just genuinely curious.
Is it some form of conformation fallacy, so you can blame your crap lives on that diagnosis then move on or accept you got a genetically weak hand at life, also move on?
Get to go to some crap support group 1h a week and meet likeminded people that don't want to be there.....
Is this just not a severe case of "deal with it" or don't and stay as you are. Are you expecting medication to turn you into some kind of happy zombie. I've seen it, its fake and horrible.
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I don't for a second think it is an excuse not to succeed, I feel that in my 30s it can only help me. I have a photographic memory for one thing, which is likely why I came top of my engineering degree. Autistic people are usually highly intelligent.

I do think that a few people will blame their lack of success in life on Autism, but then those type of people are looking for anything to blame for their lack of success. Your life is a cumulative result of your actions/choices. I personally think that 75% of the public are morons.

I've got a well paid career with a decent house and a couple of cars. My only debt is the house. I passionately believe these things should permit help to succeed, not be used as a reason not to.

I find the diagnosis useful for a few reasons:
1) Employer is more understanding when I get frustrated.
2) Due to 1) it allows me to be even better at work. I can cope with more responsibility.
3) Due to 2) I now worry less about work at home and I am awake less at night worrying.
4) Allows me to not blame myself for all the times in the past I have struggled socially.

The below (at least to me) are not reasons for wanting a diagnosis:
1) Take some sick leave.
2) Dodge responsibility at work.
3) Avoid personal blame by pinning your life failings on a 'label'.
4) Stop working and get on the free cash.

As for medication, I haven't been offered anything as a result of an autism diagnosis.

LuckyBenski said:
You struggle with your energy levels and find yourself often sleepy, unable to perform at work, it affects your personal and social life. Either you're exhausted from your job or you're underperforming because you decided to see friends last night.

Sleep doesn't seem to help. Exercise isn't doing it. You just don't understand why you're unpredictably tired most days. Always been this way.
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This sounds very relevant to me.
 
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Efour said:
So if you get diagnosed what is that actually gonna do to help you? Not being mean just genuinely curious.
Is it some form of conformation fallacy, so you can blame your crap lives on that diagnosis then move on or accept you got a genetically weak hand at life, also move on?
Get to go to some crap support group 1h a week and meet likeminded people that don't want to be there.....
Is this just not a severe case of "deal with it" or don't and stay as you are. Are you expecting medication to turn you into some kind of happy zombie. I've seen it, its fake and horrible.
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getting diagnosed could be the motivation some people need to learn to understand themselves better , realise in what areas they are different to other people and work on improving their quality of life.

4) Stop working and get on the free cash.
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It's incredibly hard for people with autism to get any disability benefits.
people who got disability benefits as kids and teens don't even always end up transitioning onto disability benefits as an adult.

if people like us already had jobs before diagnosis how can you really argue you can't work? unless you had a big history of switching jobs all the time, getting fired for not turning up etc and basically struggled trying to keep up with life.

Your quality of life would be less on benefits anyway, you likely would only get ESA at the most so basically live as a pensioner for the rest of your life starting now.
you become housebound with no social contact.

you become depressed and realise your life can never improve, your never going to have friends, your never going to get laid and if you died your body would only be discovered from the smell.

who wants that? it's not winning the lottery is it. your basically a loser with like £100 a week before bills, good luck ever getting a partner lol :cry:

anyone on low level disability benefits is basically given a death sentence and forgotten by society
 
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OpenToSuggestions said:
Lots of Stuff and excellent explanation and analysis
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Ok then for you that sounds/sounded useful for you to know. :P Although thats probably more down to personality and attitude. I think you are quiet a rare case.

As above i kinda get the reason 4 for most people, but thats obviously a bigger mental health issue. These people just wish to drop responsibility and i get that too.
 
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