Best one liners

semi-pro waster

semi-pro waster

semi-pro waster

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The inagural Dave award for funniest one liner of the Fringe has just been awarded for
Zoe Lyons said:
I can't believe Amy Winehouse self-harms. She's so irritating she must be able to find someone to do it for her.
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although I personally think her response to the award is even better and much more subtle.

Full story here by Auntie.

Anyone got a better one liner to share? Remember it must be suitable for a family forum so no swearing and nothing too graphic.
 
From last series of "Mock The Week", in their "Scenes you'd like to see" round. The subject is "Things you wouldn't see in an Agony Aunt column"

Frankie Boyle - "I'm trying to trace my father - could you recommend me a marker pen?"
 
can it come from films? because arnie said a great one in commando

at the end when he's fighting that aussie guy bennet and then start comming back and throws that big metal pipe at bennet and it goes through him and into a steam pipe and then typical arnie voice saysss....

"let off some steam bennet"

me and my mates always laugh so hard, there as so many silly one liners in this film
 
Where else but in America could the Women's Liberation Movement take off their bras, then go on TV to complain about their lack of support?

Bob Hope
 
Sasso said:
can it come from films? because arnie said a great one in commando

at the end when he's fighting that aussie guy bennet and then start comming back and throws that big metal pipe at bennet and it goes through him and into a steam pipe and then typical arnie voice saysss....

"let off some steam bennet"

me and my mates always laugh so hard, there as so many silly one liners in this film
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:D
Total Recall:
"Why don't you clone yourself, so you can go **** yourself."
 
"Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair."

George Burns
 
platypus said:
Not particularly subtle, but very good ;).
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Ok, not particularly subtle but compared to Ms Lyons' winning line it is rather understated.

As for further one liners I'm quite fond of these two in relation to writers: Moses Hadas - "I have read your book and much like it." and James M. Barrie - "I know not, Sir, whether Bacon wrote the words of Shakespeare, but if he did not . . . he missed the opportunity of his life.".
 
"I'm just off to Hartlepool to buy some exploding trousers."

crazy bloke near me in our local used to say this and i always found it funny

1,2,3 and a bag of nuts :confused: :D he also had this crazy classic when taking his hat off :D first hed chuck it on the floor stamp on it :D then say have a break your doing my head in :D:D
 
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