Busted relationship/cheating partner

Duggan said:
Dude I have been in the same situation well kind of of. Basically I know how frustrating it is when you want the whole truth to be admitted to. In my case my ex was lying to my face saying that XYZ didn’t happen and I gave her all the time in the world to admit to it all. In the end I had proof that she was still cheating etc and when I presented her with this to which she broke down crying admitting all.

The point I'm trying to make is once they start lying like she has done it isn’t hard to lie again and as she has found out it seems easier to lie and hide things then tell the whole truth as it will show what a liar she truly is; so is clearly lying to hide the truth. The other thing that shows she really really doesn’t care for you as much as you hope is that she is making stories up to her friends and family about you. The reason she’s doing this is to make you look bad and take away the bad things she has done from there view. Once again I can relate to this and this is something I know to well. Even if you made mistakes etc she shouldn’t make things up its just out of order and once again is another lie.

The person you used to know and love is gone its that simple. I know its hard I have been there. You know you cant go back because she has lied so much and made you look bad. She wont change back into the person you used to know and even if she did think of all the damage she has caused with painting you as a mad man even thou you have proof. At the end of the day let her lie all she wants to her family/friends you know the truth and have proof. So she’s only making a fool out of her self.

Trust me its painful and is never easy a lot of people who have been there will never know because being rejected after along term relationship that in your eyes was amazing will take time to get over and with Kids on the scene will make nothing easy.

Its your call really but you will never have the person you want back its that simple and if you do go back with her your be checking on her all the time never really being able to sleep easy wondering what going to happen next or will she do this again.

Just take a bit of time to think dude your the only person that can make the decision and it wont be easy after all this time.
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I know its like pointing a gun at your own head after she loaded it for me and wondering whats it going to be like after I pull the trigger or should I throw the gun so it hits her in the head and walk away.
 
I can't believe people are almost defending her and saying that it's basically his fault she did it. There is no excuse, is there's something wrong in a relationship you do not cheat, don't even attempt to argue that point being it is totally an utterly pointless.

I'm very sorry for you, if you know there's more than she's admitting then I strongly suggest you think about walking away. If she can't even admit it to you properly then you're going to have an even harder time forgiving her.
 
JodieG said:
I'm not excusing her but people don't have affairs or flings for no reason.
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Not necessarily true.

There are 2 types of adulterers: the type that you have described (something missing in relationship) and also the type that can't be faithful.
 
Wardie said:
I can't believe people are almost defending her and saying that it's basically his fault she did it. There is no excuse, is there's something wrong in a relationship you do not cheat, don't even attempt to argue that point being it is totally an utterly pointless.

I'm very sorry for you, if you know there's more than she's admitting then I strongly suggest you think about walking away. If she can't even admit it to you properly then you're going to have an even harder time forgiving her.
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I didn't defend her at all but it is a sign that there is something wrong. Clearly there are issues that need to be addressed. It doesn't mean what she did was right but it does mean if he chooses to forgive her he needs to find out why. no one in a happy relationship cheats. I'm not saying it's his fault at all though.
 
.walls said:
Not necessarily true.

There are 2 types of adulterers: the type that you have described (something missing in relationship) and also the type that can't be faithful.
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I don't believe that people can't be faithful, it's a choice and I believe if they were truely happy then they wouldn't cheat. Imo of course.
 
to be honest imo there's only one type of adulterer the unfaithful kind if theres summin missing in the relationship you dont go out and sleep with the nearest person you talk and discuss whats missing,if it can be fixed and if not then you need to think about breaking up.
 
dustiestrat said:
to be honest imo there's only one type of adulterer the unfaithful kind if theres summin missing in the relationship you dont go out and sleep with the nearest person you talk and discuss whats missing,if it can be fixed and if not then you need to think about breaking up.
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Exactly.

Makes me sick to hear people backing up the person sleeping behind someones back. If they have a problem in the relationship - speak about it... Don't go around ******* other people.
 
HITMAN_LEON said:
If she was male she would be being fed though a tube right now if she had survived the initial encounter with my anger. I caught her more than talking on the recordings several times and could have found out at the end of september but for some reason or another I did not listen to the september one until a couple of weeks back, kicks self very hard for that mistake. I do have a get out of jail free card she says she would deserve to be cheated on and I should but I don't do things like that I play my hand and no additional cards. I did at one point before she addmitted some of what went on threaten to give everyone we know a cd of their greatest moments together, thats still an option. One thing though is the kids I don't want her to be thought of badly by the kids or have the kids embarrased in school if any of their friends heared their parents talking. I suppose one thing is overriding here I have too much of a sense of fair play even going to the lengths of allowing my fair play to hurt me. She could never stop me seeing the kids she has nothing on me I have never lifted a finger against her in any way, so if we did part ways access would be sorted in no time, and if she tried to say anything was my fault the recordings would find their way into my solicitors armoury prooving why we broke up and showing me to be the victim.
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That’s something that drives me nuts about this country. I think if someone cheats in a relationship and they admit to it or are found via proof and there is no real reason for the cheating, then the person that has been cheating should get nothing from the relationship other then what is rightly there’s. But it seems that a women can go and cheat for no reason and will get the house ,cars and most the money. Plus if the blokes an upstanding individual the CSA will destroy him and make him pay through the nose even thou he did nothing wrong. Of course I truly understand when the man has done lots wrong etc then CSA and courts should step in. But it just seems that in this country Women can get away with having an affair and destroying a family home and get everything while the man gets screwed. But if the man does the same gets what he deserves. I think the system should be fairer to reflect both ways. As hard as it is to prove most the time.
 
dustiestrat said:
to be honest imo there's only one type of adulterer the unfaithful kind if theres summin missing in the relationship you dont go out and sleep with the nearest person you talk and discuss whats missing,if it can be fixed and if not then you need to think about breaking up.
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I agree but the op and his partner have gone beyond that and need to work on what to do now.
 
JodieG said:
I don't believe that people can't be faithful, it's a choice and I believe if they were truely happy then they wouldn't cheat. Imo of course.
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I think in todays society a growing number of people are that vain & selfish that all they care about is themselves and getting their own cheap thrills.
 
Duggan said:
That’s something that drives me nuts about this country. I think if someone cheats in a relationship and they admit to it or are found via proof and there is no real reason for the cheating, then the person that has been cheating should get nothing from the relationship other then what is rightly there’s. But it seems that a women can go and cheat for no reason and will get the house ,cars and most the money. Plus if the blokes an upstanding individual the CSA will destroy him and make him pay through the nose even thou he did nothing wrong. Of course I truly understand when the man has done lots wrong etc then CSA and courts should step in. But it just seems that in this country Women can get away with having an affair and destroying a family home and get everything while the man gets screwed. But if the man does the same gets what he deserves. I think the system should be fairer to reflect both ways. As hard as it is to prove most the time.
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Erm men have affairs too, let's not just blame all the women. How would you prove that a man had done something wrong in a relationship anyway? A woman wouldn't get all the money either. If a woman has a lot of money then she has to give money to the man in the event of a divorce as well. I thought the CSA was being disolved or did I dream that?
 
wordy said:
I think in todays society a growing number of people are that vain & selfish that all they care about is themselves and getting their own cheap thrills.
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Well I'm glad not to have met people like that then. What a sad, sorry state the world is coming to.
 
dustiestrat said:
to be honest imo there's only one type of adulterer the unfaithful kind if theres summin missing in the relationship you dont go out and sleep with the nearest person you talk and discuss whats missing,if it can be fixed and if not then you need to think about breaking up.
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Nicely said dude to the point and the truth. I wish my ex just broke up with him instead of dragging me through 6 months of hell.
 
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