Cheating

Cosimo said:
In GD conclusion:

* It's being going on since she before she first met him.
* She's 'cheated' in the carnal sense and any other way you could think of.
* Confrontation needed to make thread epic.
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In Tony Williams conclusion:

* they found I was a retard
* the space heater was left on
* I've spilled my jam salad everywhere
 
"Im sorry please dnt hate im so upset right now that i cnt bare 2 fink that u wont b in my life."

Anyone that types like her is no great loss anyway.
 
best thing to do OP is see if you can get hold of the phone for 20 mins

There's some free software you can run (dr. wondershare iirc) on your pc with the phone connected. It will read the phone and show you any and all deleted texts. You can read them on your pc. You don't have to pay for the software, the trial edition does the job
 
glen8 said:
best thing to do OP is see if you can get hold of the phone for 20 mins

There's some free software you can run (dr. wondershare iirc) on your pc with the phone connected. It will read the phone and show you any and all deleted texts. You can read them on your pc. You don't have to pay for the software, the trial edition does the job
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*Mr Burns voice* "Excellent" :D

must have a crack at that later
 
glen8 said:
oh I won't mate

Let's say she has been having an affair for 7 years, and the child isn't his. What is she still doing with him? Surely she would have walked years ago?

These situations are incredibly complicated. Do you realise that a vast number of people cheat, who don't actually want to? Yep, it's self loathing. There are thousands of people who cheat because they are so low and depressed. Has the OP considered going to relate? She might be trapped in a terrible situation and doesn't know how to ask for help.
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Just because you want to **** other people, doesn't mean you're stupid enough to walk away from something stable.

No one wants to party for life, it's nice to go out for a party and come home to a clean house.
 
Thompson_NCL said:
There is no evidence she's been cheating for 7 years. It may be that she met someone 20 years ago, fell in love, it went back and forth until 7 years ago when they stopped. Then she met OP, had a kid, got married etc. He returns to the scene looking to rekindle things and they exchange texts and express feelings for one another and she calls a day on it.

In conclusion:

* No reason to assume it's being going on for 7 years.
* No reason to assume she's 'cheated' in the carnal sense.
* Confrontation needed to establish the facts.
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Erm, the likelihood of you hypothetical situation is way way WAAAAAY less than the mass assumption. Occam's Razor and all that.
 
Allnamestaken said:
Oh god :( There is a chance its not your kid :\.....


The Fefidoh!!!!

This just became worse :(.


Man I think you need to make a clean break from this buddy this is like a horrible disease that planted itself in your marriage 7 years ago.

You have a limb that needs amputating but remember the child even if there is doubt that its yours because honestly if the kid is younger then 7 years then......

:(
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I've been in that situation before, really not a nice one to be in.

To op, like everyone else has said, trust is gone. Whether it went after you did the hacking or way before, it doesn't matter. It has well and truly gone.
 
krooton said:
Erm, the likelihood of you hypothetical situation is way way WAAAAAY less than the mass assumption. Occam's Razor and all that.
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Not really, because the assumption of the majority is coloured by the usual GD mentality. There is no objective reason to assume that one scenario is more likely than the other.

Why did the OP not become suspicious a year ago, two years ago, five years ago? The idea the wool has been pulled over his eyes for seven years is implausible to me.

When your partner is cheating, you can usually sense it. You'd have to be especially naive to have missed it for 7 years.
 
OP seems to have hit and run?

IMO, suspicion is like a cancer and drives people to do silly things. I guess there is a discussion to be had on whether the result of those silly things justifies doing them in the first place? Tracking your wifes phone and checking her messages to ascertain if she is cheating, for example. If she is cheating, is checking up on her a means to an end? Lets face it, she is not going to give you an honest answer if she has been having an affair as she is clearly well versed in lying/betrayal. Conversely if she is not cheating, then the breach in trust that you have just perpetrated better stay a secret or your relationship is over. With your actions, you have started down a road that rarely ends well. But perhaps it is better to know and move on than to live a lie?

I guess it is easy to say its a bit like stalking, but if this has been going on for years (and I am not saying it has) surely the OP deserves to know and be able to live his life with someone who does want him? Agreed the methods of discovering what he believes to be the truth are a little excessive, but perhaps the outcome will justify the methods? If she is cheating, she has forced him to live a lie and waste his life with her - something which is more reprehensible (IMO) than using a phone tracker and checking her messages.

I know two wrongs do not make a right, but I can understand his actions. I dont think it would be my way of dealing with this kind of situation, but I can understand how others would.
 
arknor said:
snip

if I were you I would track her and the next time she is at a carpark dogging or whatever she does turn up tap on the window and at least be man enough to knock the other guy clean out and walk away.

the disrespect he has shown to you certainly can not go unrewarded.

I bet the thing is the other guy doesn't want to take her on anyway and he's just using her for sex, as she said

he clearly does not actually want her as an actual partner just someone he can bed when he feels like it and she is a big enough fool to let it happen for 7 years.

alternatively you could turn up and give him your blessing , shake his hand and say "good luck to you both" your missus will be shocked as hell :D
the other guy likely doesn't want her anyway as I already said :D
sit back and enjoy single life
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This to be honest, pretty sound advice.

If it was me, I wouldn't get involved in any violence, nobody wins, and you could end up losing rights to custody, i'd find out who the **** was, and pay a visit to his wife / partner etc and watch his world fall apart. Then when the mrs confronted me about it, she'd be handed divorce papers and kicked to the curb. All calmly and like I couldn't care less.

I just hope that like others have said she hasn't been cheating on you for years, this is an old flame or a stupid fling, if it is, you may be able to get over it.

No matter what happens, you need to stay amicable for the kids sake. When they look back when they're older, you want to be able to hold your head high, no matter how much you'd like to kill your wife!

If it has been going on for that long and their is any chance of your kid not being yours, just remember it isn't his / hers fault. This is going to rip their world apart.

I've just gone on an assumption and what my mind would be thinking, only you will know if there is a chance.
 
That is solid evidence, at that point i'd be done and walk out.

It's not like its suspicion anymore I think you pretty much have proof she is probably cheating.

However i'd go extra distance to make entirely sure, but it seems to me that way.

The only place for you to go OP is the door, once a cheater i'd be done.


Good luck.
 
Allnamestaken said:
Yeah what he did in regards to tracking her may of been wrong and intrusive but in the end he saved himself a lot of unnecessarily running around and being pancaked off by this woman.


Mate I feel for you and I can understand this being extremely stressful, the best thing for you to do is leave her and make arrangements so that the kids are not affected.

I hope that she does not try to take everything from you :(
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Morals all you people like,

First sniff I get at me suspecting my GF of cheating i'll be doing everything in my power to find my answer.

I remember reading an article in the newspaper 6 years ago on my way to uni, A man had been married to his wife for like 30 years and then later found out over that entire 30 years she had been cheating on him... and all 6 of his kids that he raised were not his. Sounds like OP over a 7 year period has been experiencing same thing.... fully within his rights.

Screw morals I couldn't care less about some ideal fantasy world. I'd trust the girl i'm with but If I had suspicions I'd act upon them.... but then again it's careful balance between caution and just outright paranoid and distrust which can be toxic.
 
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