conversation, how?

FoxEye

FoxEye

FoxEye

Caporegime
Joined
17 Feb 2006
Posts
29,263
Location
Cornwall
firstly: this is not an emo thread! yeah I know I've made a few of those...

anyway, put two people together, and most of the time they can talk for hours... it seems effortless when I watch other people talking. people can make a joke out of anything, have a laugh, and this helps them to break the ice & relax.

now i'm not saying I can't have a conversation but... (yeah, actually I can't have a conversation, that's exactly what i'm saying :p)

i'll tell you why. when people talk to me, my mind goes instantly blank. And I don't mean I can't think of anything funny or witty to say... I mean, it's 100% empty. As a result, all my replies are "really?" "yeah?" "oh" "OK" "wow" and other single word responses.

and all the while in my head I'm conscious of the fact that i'm a terrible conversationalist, and that the other person is fishing for some kind of intelligent response, and trying to keep the conversation going single-handedly.

at some point, naturally, they give up. then awkward silence. then... they talk to someone else.

practice makes perfect, yeah I've heard that a zillion times. but i've been trying my whole life to say more than a couple words, and there's just this all-pervading mental blankness. it's like a black hole into which all the thoughts in my head get absorbed. and it's been that way since I can remember, even as a child.

do you think hypnosis or some kind of shock therapy might help? there's got to be something I can do about this.
 
You are not listening to people.

Listen more, and try to be interested. You sound like you just dont care enough about the people you are talking to, to properly listen.

Then you can pick out on things they have said, and express an opinion or ask a question about what they have just said.

The more you let them talk, give them reason to talk, the better they will feel.
 
i know this sounds weird, but put on the spot I can't even think of any questions to ask. complete mental blank. like nobody's home.
 
Malt_Vinegar said:
You are not listening to people.

Listen more, and try to be interested. You sound like you just dont care enough about the people you are talking to, to properly listen.

Then you can pick out on things they have said, and express an opinion or ask a question about what they have just said.

The more you let them talk, give them reason to talk, the better they will feel.
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This. Try to at least be interested it may trigger something inside your brain that will bring out the enthusiastic side of you.
 
What the others said. And have some backup questions?

Mine are:
Do you like motorbikes?
Have you ever heard of Morbid Angel?
What do you think of the Prime Minister?
Have you ever had a threesome?

Or play games, I've done this before. Approach a mediocre desperate looking girl and tell them they have 3 questions and they can ask anything they like. HAHA.

I have loads of friends.
 
I see what you are saying, I think it's pretty hard to have decent social skills and it's true that it comes with age.
Thinking back on people who I have known, the most popular have been the people who know loads of jokes and are never serious. You could start by learning some jokes ( don't use sickipedia), I know it may sound weird but I am pretty sure everyone loves a good joke.
 
Hey dude, I used to be really bad with social anxiety. Like run when someone knocks on the door, can't even order pizza, avoiding eye contact at all cost kind of social anxiety.
Now i'm a two star Thespian (honor society for drama club).
Here's what you do.
Go look at your ****ing mirror. Don't ******** it, do it. Now talk to yourself. Tell yourself about your day. You look pretty damn stupid, don't you? Keep doing it. Spend at least 5 minutes doing it. Talk about your day. Your cat. Megan Fox. Whatever. Now walk away. Go to sleep.
Wake the **** up dude, you over slept. Alright, go brush your teeth. Stare at yourself. Don't even blink the whole time you're brushing your teeth. Kinda weird isn't it? Rinse that **** out and Listerine up in that bitch. Go through your day.
Come home. Go to that mirror. Get a post it note and write one thing that made you happy. Don't get all fancy and ****, I just said one thing. Now talk to yourself. Why did that make you happy? What's up? How was your day? Do it for 10 minutes.
Wake up. I want you to look at yourself more while your getting prepared for the day. Or if you're not getting out that day, put a mirror beside your computer.
Don't you get it, dude? You're not afraid of other people. You're afraid of yourself, and you're missing out 'cause you're ****ing awesome. You'll learn that. You owe it to yourself to learn that.
Take care dude. Let me know if you've got any questions. Trust me, being on stage in a tutu clucking like a chicken in front of 200 people wasn't exactly the easiest thing I accomplished in my life.
But damn am I proud.
You will be too.
Make one more post it note. Write: I want to be proud.
I will be proud.
Get out there, man.
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Convo with my best mate's girl a few minutes ago:

Her: How is my FAVORITE buddy today? (This implies she wants something)

Me: Busy busy busy. How the heck are you?

Her: Awesome. Was just gonna see if you could help me put together some stuff tonight, its not that much, so its no huge deal. (She just moved into new house and needs help putting tables together)

Me: Um, sure. When?

Her: Not until later after E's home and stuff. I just know he won't ask for help.

Me: OK. Give me a holler. I'll be sure to bring my tool.

Her: Easy big guy. ;)

Me: You know, my power drill. (Shamelessly stolen from Ford Fairlane)

Her: Uh huh... LOL

Me: I ain't doing all that screwing with hand tools.

Her: (First one to break) I was talking about your "man" tool. LOL

Me: :eek: Naughty!! Where is your mind, girl?

Her: LMAO
 
You don't even have to ask questions.

Just repeat the last few bits of their sentence like it's a question and let them do all the work. If someone brings up their holidays it's because they want to chat about it, so a simple interested sounding prompt will often lead them on to say more about the subject.
 
Vtec9k said:
You don't even have to ask questions.

Just repeat the last few bits of their sentence like it's a question and let them do all the work. If someone brings up their holidays it's because they want to chat about it, so a simple interested sounding prompt will often lead them on to say more about the subject.
Click to expand...

Alternatively you can actually show genuine interest in what they are saying instead of waiting for your 'cue'.
 
RomanNose said:
I see what you are saying, I think it's pretty hard to have decent social skills and it's true that it comes with age.
Thinking back on people who I have known, the most popular have been the people who know loads of jokes and are never serious. You could start by learning some jokes ( don't use sickipedia), I know it may sound weird but I am pretty sure everyone loves a good joke.
Click to expand...

Not so sure about this advice. It takes a certain kind of person to be able to pull off a joke to someone they aren't overly familiar with. To try and tell a joke when you aren't overly comfortable chatting may not work so well.

Anytime I'm not familiar with someone, the first thing I'd do would be to introduce myself and then they tell me their name, I'd ask them what they do for a living and so on, take it from there. Keep it simple and be yourself.
 
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