Divorce Proceedings - Financial Settlements

subbytna · 15 Apr 2014 at 13:26

Having gone through the same thing, LODGE THE DIVORCE PAPERS YOURSELF. Avoid solicitors who will milk you for all they can to lodge the same papers as you can do yourself.

platinum87 · 16 Apr 2014 at 13:36

Third Opinion said:
Get a solicitor but expect it to cost quite a bit. I started with one but my ex had more money and the backing of her family business legal representation. I quickly ran out of money as the bills can go into several thousands quickly.

I gave up in the end so she got all the house, the cars (both), our savings (about 3k) and everything in the joint account. She had run off with the neighbour so it was so nice seeing him drive around in my 5 year old Mazda when I had to buy a 900 quid Nissan Primera.

I got stuffed with all the debts (about 4k), was left homeless and broke.

I will NEVER get married again.

Killing her and spending the rest of my life in prison seems like a far better deal.

And that would be the worst case scenario.

Skully · 16 Apr 2014 at 17:08

J-FRO said:
If you need some recommendations for barristers who can represent you through direct access feel free to drop me a trust message.

If not, then good luck OP. Hope you get what's fair!

Oi, clear off! I'm the resident clerk.

leoncuprar · 3 May 2014 at 23:25

Wish I hadn't read this thread...

my wife and I have our first mediation session on Wednesday to try and start agreeing how best to split everything. I know already I'm going to get shafted.. 3 children and my wife hasn't really worked for the past 10 years. Where as I've worked my butt off to provide a nice house and give myself a decent pension...
She wants to keep the house but I just don't see how that is going to be affordable unless I just give her all my salary and live in a tent..

I can see the tsunami of misery coming and theres not a lot I can do to stop it..

Haggisman · 3 May 2014 at 23:34

leoncuprar said:
Wish I hadn't read this thread...

my wife and I have our first mediation session on Wednesday to try and start agreeing how best to split everything. I know already I'm going to get shafted.. 3 children and my wife hasn't really worked for the past 10 years. Where as I've worked my butt off to provide a nice house and give myself a decent pension...
She wants to keep the house but I just don't see how that is going to be affordable unless I just give her all my salary and live in a tent..

I can see the tsunami of misery coming and theres not a lot I can do to stop it..

Eugh, tell me about it. In a similar position here.

Deposit for house: solely paid by me.
Mortgage every month: solely paid by me.
All household bills each month: 90% paid by me.

I still can't help worrying that when it all goes south (which I get the impression is going to happen in the next couple of months...) she's going to end up with the lot while I'm left struggling to keep a roof over my head, AND having to pay maintenance, AND having to pay to travel to visit my son.

leoncuprar · 3 May 2014 at 23:47

You're so right Haggisman.. and have you seen what it costs to rent these days.. unbelievable.. I want the house sold , but as my wife hasn't really worked I've no idea how she will get a mortgage. And if she does end up keeping the house, I want my name off the mortgage as I don't want responsibility for that debt, but again, I can't see the bank agreeing to that with her earnings history..

I presume you have children ?

Xordium · 3 May 2014 at 23:53

Whilst I have empathy for your position you have to account for the fact you both chose to have children. Moreover, you agreed to go to work and for her to stay and look after the children. That therefore will make her the main carer (rightly whatever the gender) and she will be entitled to think she has forgone working those years and that she has worked her butt off carrying and raising those children etc etc. I am of the opinion that in the main (bar obvious exceptions) the main carer should get the children, their unpaid work with the kids should be recognised and also that the break of a career pathway should be accounted for. This is actually what the courts do and will do more so. At the end of the day there is a lot on the rights of the parents rather than the kids and this is something that will change very soon and really the parents can pick themselves up to a greater or lesser degree - the kids however can't so the burden of support should go to whomever is looking after them.

I should say I have been through this myself from both sides of the argument and the courts came down the same way decision wise even if the result was different.

kitkat9933 · 3 May 2014 at 23:58

All the people saying this puts them off marriage. I thought your oh could still bend you over if you have been together long enough, especially if your salary has given them a lifestyle they are accustomed to.

My Dad is 23 years older than my Mum and when they divorced (because she cheated) she got everything. Both houses ( which was all ~~their~~ his savings) and 30k a year till me and my sister were both 18. Then she married an even richer man...

Women always come better of and even more so if they play the innocent Woman game with a few years.

Haggisman · 3 May 2014 at 23:59

leoncuprar said:
You're so right Haggisman.. and have you seen what it costs to rent these days.. unbelievable.. I want the house sold , but as my wife hasn't really worked I've no idea how she will get a mortgage. And if she does end up keeping the house, I want my name off the mortgage as I don't want responsibility for that debt, but again, I can't see the bank agreeing to that with her earnings history..

I presume you have children ?

Just the one. The "unfortunate" thing is, I love him to bits, which basically means my hands are tied.

If I go for custody, I will have to pay a ridiculous amount in childcare or have to quit work, so not really an option. She doesn't work, so has no income. Which basically means if we split up, my priority will be putting a roof over their head, not mine. If I end up having to sleep in the boot of my car, who's going to care? Certainly not the courts

Xordium said:
Whilst I have empathy for your position you have to account for the fact you both chose to have children. Moreover, you agreed to go to work and for her to stay and look after the children. That therefore will make her the main carer (rightly whatever the gender) and she will be entitled to think she has forgone working those years and that she has worked her butt off carrying and raising those children etc etc. I am of the opinion that in the main (bar obvious exceptions) the main carer should get the children, their unpaid work with the kids should be recognised and also that the break of a career pathway should be accounted for. This is actually what the courts do and will do more so. At the end of the day there is a lot on the rights of the parents rather than the kids and this is something that will change very soon and really the parents can pick themselves up to a greater or lesser degree - the kids however can't so the burden of support should go to whomever is looking after them.

I should say I have been through this myself from both sides of the argument and the courts came down the same way decision wise even if the result was different.

Why shouldn't the parent who has a stable and regular income automatically get custody?

leoncuprar · 4 May 2014 at 00:02

Xordium, I know and understand what your saying, and agree with it... however right now I'm pretty bitter about the whole thing as its more her doing than mine.
Whatever happens its going to be a big lifestyle change for everyone involved.
I just hope its over quickly and I can move on

Haggisman · 4 May 2014 at 00:05

leoncuprar said:
however right now I'm pretty bitter about the whole thing as its more her doing than mine.

I think this is the real sore point with a lot of guys in this position.

It doesn't matter who **** things up. Even if it's the woman being unreasonable, or if she's the one who decides to suddenly leave, or to cheat, she still wins.

leoncuprar · 4 May 2014 at 00:07

Haggisman said:
Just the one. The "unfortunate" thing is, I love him to bits, which basically means my hands are tied.

If I go for custody, I will have to pay a ridiculous amount in childcare or have to quit work, so not really an option. She doesn't work, so has no income. Which basically means if we split up, my priority will be putting a roof over their head, not mine. If I end up having to sleep in the boot of my car, who's going to care?

I might have to go live with my Dad for a while until the dust settles and I can see where I am financially... TBH the worst thing about all of this is the thought of not seeing the children every morning, the spontaneous moments you have with them.. :mad:

Xordium · 4 May 2014 at 00:07

Haggisman said:
I think this is the real sore point with a lot of guys in this position.

It doesn't matter who **** things up. Even if it's the woman being unreasonable, or if she's the one who decides to suddenly leave, or to cheat, she still wins.

Yes, it is unfair but we are adults and the courts are not there to apportion blame they are there to decide what is in the best interests of the children in the cases of families. Moreover, no one person is usually to blame the pattern of events that leads up to one person changing the status quo is normally that muddy that you can never really pin it on a single event. But hey that easy from an outside view not so easy when you are the one on the receiving end but I guess after time people can look back and see how events come to pass and maybe learn some lessons to prevent the same happening again.

leoncuprar said:
I might have to go live with my Dad for a while until the dust settles and I can see where I am financially... TBH the worst thing about all of this is the thought of not seeing the children every morning, the spontaneous moments you have with them..

Which is why you have to man up and be ready to smile when you see them no matter how much it may hurt or how right annoyed you may be. Don't let one relationship breakdown lead to anymore impact on the one that is most important to you.

leoncuprar · 4 May 2014 at 00:11

Xordium said:
Don't let one relationship breakdown lead to anymore impact on the one that is most important to you.

Its my top priority !!

Haggisman · 4 May 2014 at 00:13

leoncuprar said:
I might have to go live with my Dad for a while until the dust settles and I can see where I am financially...

If moving in with family were an option, I'd already be there, unfortunately my closest family are over 100 miles away. Not a pleasant commute!

leoncuprar said:
TBH the worst thing about all of this is the thought of not seeing the children every morning, the spontaneous moments you have with them..

Yup, really doesn't bear thinking about

Xordium said:
Yes, it is unfair but we are adults and the courts are not there to apportion blame they are there to decide what is in the best interests of the children in the cases of families. Moreover, no one person is usually to blame the pattern of events that leads up to one person changing the status quo is normally that muddy that you can never really pin it on a single event. But hey that easy from an outside view not so easy when you are the one on the receiving end but I guess after time people can look back and see how events come to pass and maybe learn some lessons to prevent the same happening again.

Which is why you have to man up and be ready to smile when you see them no matter how much it may hurt or how right annoyed you may be. Don't let one relationship breakdown lead to anymore impact on the one that is most important to you.

While I sort of agree, as I said above, why does the parent with a stable income and home not automatically get residence/custody?

Allnamestaken · 4 May 2014 at 08:30

Hey Haggis and other guys currently going through Divorce proceedings I hope it works out in a reasonable way so that you all don't get shafted.

I can imagine the pain in seeing everything you worked for taken from you

.

Stuff like this is the key reason I don't want to get married but it would seem that it does not matter if I am married or not when it comes to a partner? If you are with them for long enough they are still entitled to things etc?

Xordium · 4 May 2014 at 08:37

Haggisman said:
While I sort of agree, as I said above, why does the parent with a stable income and home not automatically get residence/custody?

So let's see how that would work either:

1) The person quits work - the other person goes back to work and likely earns less. However, haven't we just reversed the situation because now the other parent has the stable income and home?

2) The person still works and then places the child in childcare and the kid never gets the social bond they could have if they had continued with the other parent.

Or alternatively, the children stay in the home - the person who has looked after them continues to do so and the person who earns the most money continues to do so.

Once you put it like that it makes sense.

leoncuprar said:
Its my top priority !!

Good for you - don't forget when you have your child now it is quality time - all the time - you may have less time but that time you have you can do some really fun stuff and make it exceptionally good time. Because of current circumstances and family dynamics you probably can't say that about now.

deuse · 4 May 2014 at 08:57

I went for a Financial Clean Break Order when I got rid of my X.

koolpc · 6 Jan 2015 at 20:01

Thread revival!

A friend of mine is wanting to leave her husband. She has 2 kids (8 & 12). She wants to go back to her father who lives abroad in her native country but understands that her kids need a good education and their dad.

She has never worked and is in a real downward spiral of depression! Her husband is terrible. A real emotional bully and a selfish git!

My wife and i think a lot of our friend but dont know where to start to help her. Citizens advice would be a good start?

Xordium · 6 Jan 2015 at 22:12

koolpc said:
Citizens advice would be a good start?

It would be a place to start.

Do you mean that although she wants to go abroad she has definitely ruled that out? Or do you mean she knows it will be difficult and accepts that it will be on moving abroad? I am not quite sure although I think you mean for former.