Divorce

m@rty said:
She never contributed to your mortgage but wants money from your sale?
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I think this is partly the notion that one partner may have had to sacrifice career opportunities and earnings to raise kids.

Anyway, op is brave for considering getting married once, let alone doing it again!

That said, I've been happily married for 14 years, but it could always go badly wrong for me too and I was never bothered about marriage.

Marriage is an outdated notion, but fellas agree to it under duress from ***Family friendly, come on*** that wants security and an exit strategy.
 
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She disappeared for 5 years and is only interested in communicating with you now she can get a paycheck. Worst part being the courts are probably going to give her that paycheck. If the purpose of alimony is that they must be able to maintain a lifestyle they have grown accustom to. And for the last 5 years, she has forged a life without you or your money, then what exactly is she entitled to? She has clearly grown accustom to a life without you or your money.

I do think you blabbed a bit too much to her though. you should have consulted a lawyer first.
 
Lonewolf said:
Thought I would reignite my original post.

It is 5 years now since my wife did a runner, and I’ve proposed to my current partner, so I need to move forward with getting a divorce. I kept putting off going any further with divorce proceedings for various reasons.

I contacted my wife by email because it’s the only contact details I have for her, and to my surprise she responded. That’s when I slipped in the idea of a divorce, initially she didn’t respond, but after I offered to pay for her legal fees and a final cash settlement, she replied. She agreed to a divorce, but wants far more than my offer. Trouble is she knows I sold my previous property and made a decent profit on it. I explained that the money I got, paid off my mortgage and allowed me to use the balance to purchase my new home. The new property I am buying is 50/50 with my new girlfriend, so I don’t if my wife has a claim or not.

I don’t know where my wife lives, so I assumed from what I have read that sending divorce papers would be difficult, but I believe an application can be made to send the papers by email. All this is well and good, finding common ground on a financial standpoint may be a bit more challenging.
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Why are you offering her anything? You need to contact a legal professional.
 
Get legal advice ASAP. Not sure it was a smart move acquiring a new asset (home) while still being married. On the plus side if you've been apart for five years at least there is no chance of the divorce part not going through (financial settlement a different story) as you qualify on either grounds of desertion or five years separation.
 
Lonewolf said:
Thought I would reignite my original post.

It is 5 years now since my wife did a runner, and I’ve proposed to my current partner, so I need to move forward with getting a divorce. I kept putting off going any further with divorce proceedings for various reasons.

I contacted my wife by email because it’s the only contact details I have for her, and to my surprise she responded. That’s when I slipped in the idea of a divorce, initially she didn’t respond, but after I offered to pay for her legal fees and a final cash settlement, she replied. She agreed to a divorce, but wants far more than my offer. Trouble is she knows I sold my previous property and made a decent profit on it. I explained that the money I got, paid off my mortgage and allowed me to use the balance to purchase my new home. The new property I am buying is 50/50 with my new girlfriend, so I don’t if my wife has a claim or not.

I don’t know where my wife lives, so I assumed from what I have read that sending divorce papers would be difficult, but I believe an application can be made to send the papers by email. All this is well and good, finding common ground on a financial standpoint may be a bit more challenging.
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Hmm, offering a cash settlement was probably the wrong idea. I think a better approach would have been "I'm contacting you for a divorce as it looks like I am going through bankruptcy proceedings and I thought it better to keep your financial matters separated from mine so you don't get dragged into it".

Definitely lawyer up.
 
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The offer of a cash settlement was to stimulate a response because I hadn’t heard anything for a few week, it worked! A fellow forum member sent me a brill pm which filled me with the confidence I was lacking to make the next move. I have now booked an appointment to see a solicitor for further advice.
 
Out of interest, what can someone to do protect themselves as much as possible, before they married? For instance, my situation is that I'm currently engaged, with no marriage date set yet, I'm happy staying engaged for the foreseeable future. We own a house as what I think is called joint tenants. I own 60 percent, she 40.bills split, though over payments have come from me almost entirely, about 30k per year where possible, which should mean I own even higher chunk of the property, but forgetting that.

No kids yet, but hopefully soon.

I'm happy to get married, and I also know what she's historically been like with family etc and things go wrong, she's been super generous and the one to let herself get done over for the sake of having an easy life and moving on, however there is always that concern that if in 10 odd years we divorce, I'll be the one kicked out, I'll lose my extra share and all the extras I've put in, I'll owe half my company, half my car, half my clothes in my wardrobe etc and there's no way to stop it, even with prenups signed before marriage. Is there a way you can fully protect yourself from the worse, or is this just what marriage/divorce leads to? Do civil partnerships have the same issues?
 
@unwashed potato! I think you need to have a long hard think about what it actually is you want out of your relationship tbh.

Even if you don't get married, having kids is going to bring a similar financial split if it goes wrong.
 
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So I saw a solicitor today, good news is the divorce will be straight forward. I did say that I wanted a clean break, so finances come into it more. it does not matter whether we agree between ourselves on a settlement, the court will decide if it’s fair. Financially I’m in the better position , but once everything is finalised I’m likely to lose all of my savings and a fair wedge of my small pensions.
Feeling very defeated at the moment especially when I wasn’t the person in the wrong.
 
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