I wanted to be an RM as a kid too. I now work with an ex-RM, and he always described it as one of the few military roles that is a vocation, not a job. You need be super clever as well as tough as nuts. Unfortunately almost all of his friends are now dead or maimed, through war or through suicide. Incredibly tough bunch of lads who find it very tough to live a civy life.
Do you feel ashamed of your lack of achievements? What do you regret in life?
- Thread starter Haggisman
- Start date
I don't really regret too much, but there are definitely things I would have done differently.
Regrets mostly lie around partying too much in my late teens up to my early 30s rather than learning new skills etc, as well as the wasted money. Probably buying a house a bit earlier would have been nice.
I am 37 now. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD at 35. I have a good job and am paid well, but I feel, if I was diagnosed as a kid, teen or even early adult and had medication, I would have pushed my career further at a younger age and be earning a lot more than I am now.
Money isn't everything though, and I am happy with my life and career at the moment.
Regrets mostly lie around partying too much in my late teens up to my early 30s rather than learning new skills etc, as well as the wasted money. Probably buying a house a bit earlier would have been nice.
I am 37 now. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD at 35. I have a good job and am paid well, but I feel, if I was diagnosed as a kid, teen or even early adult and had medication, I would have pushed my career further at a younger age and be earning a lot more than I am now.
Money isn't everything though, and I am happy with my life and career at the moment.
I kind of regret not pushing an IT career. I went to college and planned on going into networking/programming/web design in uni. (my school grades were garbage) Unfortunately for me, my mates at the time all worked for the same company and were earning fantastic salaries for 16yr olds, so I immediately pushed for any office job (i had the opportunity to join them) but all of my family were in the trade and told me not to bother. I ended up working as an office Jr for garbage money just so i could go out at weekends and pay for lads holidays.
I finally decided to push for an IT job and was offered a fantastic opportunity which was revoked a few weeks later due to the downturn in the economy in 2008.
Fell into Global freight forwarding in 2008 and I now earn an above average salary, and have worked in many different countries and made some great friends along the way. I live a relatively comfortable life with a modest car and house and im happy!
Ive dealt with tremendous stress over the years while covering global roles handling multiple countries and through that missing out massively on family time. I gave that up relatively quickly due family issues and have been offered similar positions in the last couple of years which I happily decline.
For me, I found earning less money and having less stress made me much much happier as I now have time for hobbies and family time.
I finally decided to push for an IT job and was offered a fantastic opportunity which was revoked a few weeks later due to the downturn in the economy in 2008.
Fell into Global freight forwarding in 2008 and I now earn an above average salary, and have worked in many different countries and made some great friends along the way. I live a relatively comfortable life with a modest car and house and im happy!
Ive dealt with tremendous stress over the years while covering global roles handling multiple countries and through that missing out massively on family time. I gave that up relatively quickly due family issues and have been offered similar positions in the last couple of years which I happily decline.
For me, I found earning less money and having less stress made me much much happier as I now have time for hobbies and family time.
Soldato
- Joined
- 25 Jun 2006
- Posts
- 4,325
I suppose one of my biggest regrets is something I still do and can't stop... and that is telling myself "When I am older, I will..."
44 now and still haven't changed :S
44 now and still haven't changed :S
Associate
- Joined
- 30 Oct 2013
- Posts
- 1,776
Same as above but I've never been one for moving around and finding something better. I'm not qualified for anything apart from as a welder, which I haven't done any of for the past 20 years.
I always wanted quals but the wages was always more important...not necessarily the amount, just constant wages to support my family.
I stayed at my first job for 10 years until they went bust.
I stayed at my second job for 17 years until they went bust.
I've just been finished from my third job after 19 months due to a downturn in work.
I always wanted quals but the wages was always more important...not necessarily the amount, just constant wages to support my family.
I stayed at my first job for 10 years until they went bust.
I stayed at my second job for 17 years until they went bust.
I've just been finished from my third job after 19 months due to a downturn in work.
Soldato
- Joined
- 25 Sep 2012
- Posts
- 3,200
Good on you for caring for Ronnie, that's a pretty good reason to keep at it.
Soldato
- Joined
- 28 Nov 2005
- Posts
- 12,999
We can never be the same if you wore blue.There's plenty of ways to be a hardcore mother****er, definitely worth pursuing something like that if you've had that as an aspiration in the past. Are you definitely too old to reserves?
Bro r u me (except I was a glorious flyboy not a stinky pongo)
Soldato
No real point in having regrets, only eats away you. Can't really say there are things I wish I'd achieved. I'm 50 now, got a decent house nearly paid for and a good Mrs with no real money worries, so can't complain 
Man of Honour
Tru dat, should have tried harder at school
Just looking through the Random Image thread and I thought this post was suitably apt for this thread
Soldato
Never been lucky with love is probably my biggest regret. I'm short, struggle with hearing and eyesight, won't ever be able to drive, can't do DIY, severe disablement. All undesirable traits for a potential date. Sure I can lose some weight as that's something I can do about myself but I can't do anything about the rest. So I'll never have my own family. I'll always be the "5th wheel" in a car, that +1 person.
One good thing I do have going for me though is that I'll be mortgage-free before I'm 50 then I can stick it in my will.
One good thing I do have going for me though is that I'll be mortgage-free before I'm 50 then I can stick it in my will.
Soldato
I regret a lot from my youth. Decisions made, actions and opportunities missed. Whilst with hindsight I can attribute some of it to mental health and lack of support, a lot I blame myself.
I hate my younger self.
I hate my younger self.
Soldato
- Joined
- 17 Jan 2006
- Posts
- 4,282
I definitely don't regret having my son, he's the most important thing in the world to me and the thing that kept me alive when I was at my lowest ebb and who keeps me going now when I'm really struggling.
I do regret not having been braver through my life and taken more chances. I've been in the same job for 23 years and it's an okay job but no progression path and never has been one but I'm good at it and it's comfortable and I was never brave enough to take a leap and do something else.
I have however spent the last four years retraining to be a counsellor and have every intention of taking a brave step out from my job and doing something more fulfilling with my life within the counselling world.
I also regret having spent so much of my life waiting for life to happen and not grabbing it by the horns and going out and doing the things I wanted to do.
I also regret that I have never been able to hold onto friends and , now find myself approaching 45, with a relationship that has just ended, feeing incredibly lonely. But I have signed up to meetup and frindow and am trying to get myself along to meetups to meet new people and hopefully improve my life and feel happier.
I do regret not having been braver through my life and taken more chances. I've been in the same job for 23 years and it's an okay job but no progression path and never has been one but I'm good at it and it's comfortable and I was never brave enough to take a leap and do something else.
I have however spent the last four years retraining to be a counsellor and have every intention of taking a brave step out from my job and doing something more fulfilling with my life within the counselling world.
I also regret having spent so much of my life waiting for life to happen and not grabbing it by the horns and going out and doing the things I wanted to do.
I also regret that I have never been able to hold onto friends and , now find myself approaching 45, with a relationship that has just ended, feeing incredibly lonely. But I have signed up to meetup and frindow and am trying to get myself along to meetups to meet new people and hopefully improve my life and feel happier.
I sometimes have thoughts like the OP but I try not to have regrets what happened in my life happened it just builds character haha agree with other posters that you shouldn’t compare yourself against others it’s a waste of energy. Focus on the things you do have and learn to appreciate them.
Associate
I regret not making time for my father/mother while they were alive and the situation as it was left (some of this is a consequence of the situation though). We tried with my mother but she had early onset Alzheimer’s so it was challenging to have any meaningful “intellectual” conversation with her. She still however retained her mothers heart and often when she heard my child crying (less than 1 year old) would try to sooth and comfort it even though it wasn’t even in the room. My father passed away suddenly from covid and the last phone call I had was him telling me how to do my mothers bed time routine from hospital. We had bought a large house together since it was requested by my mother, while she had some mental capacity, to never be in any “caring” facility. He couldn’t do it on his own so I ran the house and he was the primary carer. We were close but also not mega close due to the stress for him of caring for my mother and just our general none emotional mindsets. All in all, a generally tense arrangement as you can expect. In any case she ended up becoming incapable of eating and eventually drinking around the same time and passed away 3 weeks after my father at home.
All this to say, make time for your loved ones. Because you never know when that one conversation may be your last.
Saying this though life swings in roundabouts. I’m 33 and coasted through life. Living with parents made me, careerwise, complacent. My wife earned a little less than average wage, mine was a little over average but we had my parents pensions (mainly dad as he got a fair wack from US Social Securities) to supplement the house finances it so I never felt the need to push myself and money was fine. The sudden loss of that made me push myself. That year I got another job after being in my previous one for 8 years. Have had promotions since then and am earning over double vs that time. The mortgage will be paid off in 2 years. I just wish my father could have seen me change myself.
Having had this happen I’m acutely aware that **** happens and you might not even get to retire. So me and my wife are in the fortunate position that we have enough to spend travelling (the 3 year old has already been to Greece, Japan and Brasil). But also doing things like the NC500 and living out of our car/van for a week. Planning to go road tripping like that again into Europe. We do also save a lot into SIPPs just in case but if we do croak the boat early, it'll at least be life changing sums for our children to use.
Big props to my wife though, she met me after I had decided to live with my parents for my mums situation. This was a few years prior to them passing and was onboard with it for the long slog. I don't think i'd have coped at all without her and our child as they have been anchor points to keep my life grounded with purpose. So although i have regrets, i also feel incredibly lucky.
All this to say, make time for your loved ones. Because you never know when that one conversation may be your last.
Saying this though life swings in roundabouts. I’m 33 and coasted through life. Living with parents made me, careerwise, complacent. My wife earned a little less than average wage, mine was a little over average but we had my parents pensions (mainly dad as he got a fair wack from US Social Securities) to supplement the house finances it so I never felt the need to push myself and money was fine. The sudden loss of that made me push myself. That year I got another job after being in my previous one for 8 years. Have had promotions since then and am earning over double vs that time. The mortgage will be paid off in 2 years. I just wish my father could have seen me change myself.
Having had this happen I’m acutely aware that **** happens and you might not even get to retire. So me and my wife are in the fortunate position that we have enough to spend travelling (the 3 year old has already been to Greece, Japan and Brasil). But also doing things like the NC500 and living out of our car/van for a week. Planning to go road tripping like that again into Europe. We do also save a lot into SIPPs just in case but if we do croak the boat early, it'll at least be life changing sums for our children to use.
Big props to my wife though, she met me after I had decided to live with my parents for my mums situation. This was a few years prior to them passing and was onboard with it for the long slog. I don't think i'd have coped at all without her and our child as they have been anchor points to keep my life grounded with purpose. So although i have regrets, i also feel incredibly lucky.
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Soldato
To OP, you have a family and 2 kids, everything else is a bonus.
My Grandad learned German in his 70s. There is still plenty of time for you.
As for my own situation. I think overall I've played the hand I was dealt. Having a severe disability meant my life only truly started after the 13+ surgeries stopped. So when I was 12 years old.
The only part of my childhood I think about was when I moved from junior school to secondary school. Because I was in the special schools system I opted to stay in mainly because I knew senior school would be an easy move as 90% of the kids came from my school. But I could have opted to go to a regular school and maybe have a personal assistant to help me if I needed it.
The downside of the path I chose was they didn't focus on subject exams. They didn't have specialised subject teachers, so my educational attainment during that time was low.
The other downside was the lack of socialising outside of school, and with girls. I have no sisters, didn't have any female cousins nearby, and was only used to socialising with disabled people.
I was 1 of only 2 people in my class to go to further education that year (the other person went to a different place). So I was a social fish out of water. So trying to socialise to any level was a good result.
My only consolation of choosing the path I did was to spend time with people more disabled than myself. I think that as given me a lot of empathy and made me humble. It means I try to see the good in people even if we totally disagree, because having a disagreement is nothing compared to having a life threatening or altering experience.
My Grandad learned German in his 70s. There is still plenty of time for you.
As for my own situation. I think overall I've played the hand I was dealt. Having a severe disability meant my life only truly started after the 13+ surgeries stopped. So when I was 12 years old.
The only part of my childhood I think about was when I moved from junior school to secondary school. Because I was in the special schools system I opted to stay in mainly because I knew senior school would be an easy move as 90% of the kids came from my school. But I could have opted to go to a regular school and maybe have a personal assistant to help me if I needed it.
The downside of the path I chose was they didn't focus on subject exams. They didn't have specialised subject teachers, so my educational attainment during that time was low.
The other downside was the lack of socialising outside of school, and with girls. I have no sisters, didn't have any female cousins nearby, and was only used to socialising with disabled people.
I was 1 of only 2 people in my class to go to further education that year (the other person went to a different place). So I was a social fish out of water. So trying to socialise to any level was a good result.
My only consolation of choosing the path I did was to spend time with people more disabled than myself. I think that as given me a lot of empathy and made me humble. It means I try to see the good in people even if we totally disagree, because having a disagreement is nothing compared to having a life threatening or altering experience.
Associate
Good thread and thought provoking. It's something that I have mulled on recently and I don't like the answer.....which is honestly I haven't thought about it that much. I had a pretty tough childhood and that definitely lingered in my psyche into my 20s where I wasn't very confident. So I guess I substituted this logically for exchanging money for time. And I ended up being fairly good at it. I had my first house by mid twenties, invested well, got higher and higher up the ladder, went out a lot and drank a lot. I was in a meaningless relationship for a long time which ended with a whimper and not a bang.
My confidence increased significantly and I abused it with alcohol and girls. Nothing "terrible" but nothing great either. This was at the expense of finding "the right one" and making meaningful friendships and building a community and useful skills.
And the result is that I am an extremely highly paid man even for this country who is now approaching his mid thirties without any rudder. I have a relationship which I have messed up a bit and cannot commit even to the girl that has stuck by me through thick and thin. I have a few friends here and there but I know it's all rather temporary in terms of having built up a community that I would like to grow old with.
So yes I have regrets about not knowing when enough was enough (I know instinctively if I make an extra million it would bring no further happiness), being happy with what I have and being at a crossroads of an age of deciding about family and future when I am a half baked product in terms of my own personal development. If I take time out and "find" myself I end up being in my mid late 30s which sucks for getting involved with a family. Damned if I do dammed if I don't.
Could it be worse? Yes, I could be some poor ******* in a trench in Ukraine, everything is relative.....but it does feel the walls are closing in somewhat...
My confidence increased significantly and I abused it with alcohol and girls. Nothing "terrible" but nothing great either. This was at the expense of finding "the right one" and making meaningful friendships and building a community and useful skills.
And the result is that I am an extremely highly paid man even for this country who is now approaching his mid thirties without any rudder. I have a relationship which I have messed up a bit and cannot commit even to the girl that has stuck by me through thick and thin. I have a few friends here and there but I know it's all rather temporary in terms of having built up a community that I would like to grow old with.
So yes I have regrets about not knowing when enough was enough (I know instinctively if I make an extra million it would bring no further happiness), being happy with what I have and being at a crossroads of an age of deciding about family and future when I am a half baked product in terms of my own personal development. If I take time out and "find" myself I end up being in my mid late 30s which sucks for getting involved with a family. Damned if I do dammed if I don't.
Could it be worse? Yes, I could be some poor ******* in a trench in Ukraine, everything is relative.....but it does feel the walls are closing in somewhat...
Associate
Proud of my achievements thus far, despite adversity. Timlwu post as also pushing 40.
Things could be better, but they could be worse.
Large regrets:
Going on my first holiday abroad when I had a job interview. It took 5 years to get another at interview at that wage. Obviously I may not have got the job...
Uni, paying my loan monthly I hate, the course I started is not what I began due to illness. Ultimately no one around me to advice me otherwise at the time and feel like it has not helped me at all.
I stopped comparing to others some time ago due to various things, like some have mentioned. I only compare myself to me this time last year.
I liked @Gaijin post on page 5, very good advice.
Things could be better, but they could be worse.
Large regrets:
Going on my first holiday abroad when I had a job interview. It took 5 years to get another at interview at that wage. Obviously I may not have got the job...
Uni, paying my loan monthly I hate, the course I started is not what I began due to illness. Ultimately no one around me to advice me otherwise at the time and feel like it has not helped me at all.
I stopped comparing to others some time ago due to various things, like some have mentioned. I only compare myself to me this time last year.
I liked @Gaijin post on page 5, very good advice.
I crashed out of my electronics A-Level because I was too busy chasing girls and running around the country watching bands.
Fortunately the year after the AS exams were introduced so I walked away with one of those, do contemplate going back to do it just so I can say I did though
Fortunately the year after the AS exams were introduced so I walked away with one of those, do contemplate going back to do it just so I can say I did though
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Soldato
Regrets are pointless imo. We've all done things we perhaps wish we hadn't but its far better to learn from those and be a better person for the experience rather than think about it as a regret.